I Heart Colin Powell and Yes, One Day A Muslim Can Be President Of The United States Of America....I Hope....

Need anyone say more?....

Ain't Nothin' As Sweet As A Black Man Showing His Love For His Queen...

In a word....HILARIOUS!!!!

Sorry for the long periods of incognito-ism, but I'm traveling a lot and I've been a little under the weather....hopefully I'll be back in the saddle again soon.

In the meantime, peep this....if you haven't already seen it, I'm betting it will tickle your funny bone....it certainly tickled mine ;)

ENTITLED?

In Honor of SAAM...
Written on Friday, April 11, 2008 in honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM), a cause about which my best new friend Xavier Pierre (Zay) is quite passionately active and vocal. He has inspired so many of those I know and love to share their voice on this issue that I wanted to let my voice be heard as well. Little do we know what we are truly starting when we start anything at all...nice going Zay!

ENTITLED?

From where does it come?
That sense of being entitled to me you possess.
I am not yours.
I am mine.
I belong to me.

With total authority you enter me.
Your lack of consideration for what’s good for me never ceases to astound.
It’s all about you.
It’s not about me.
It’s your world.

Without permission you overwhelm.
You take all you want though none of what you take is yours.
I am here, but not.
I wish me away.
I am here.

Suddenly you come; then go.
Leaving me to try to separate myself from what you leave behind.
In your wake -- a shell.
In the darkness -- devastation.
Inside -- nothing.

Forever has lasted so long.
Surprised to discover forever is not the same as always; forever has finally ended.
Always is my new beginning.
Always has restored me.
Always I will be.

I am not yours.
I am mine.
I belong to me.

© Sharon J. All Rights Reserved 2008

I exist, therefore I am...and now you're telling me I have to have a purpose too?

A certain curly-headed lurker called me up last night to ask me questions about the concept of "purpose" in one's life. We had quite an extensive discussion about this ideology, and before I realized it was happening, I had discovered that in some wierd transmutation of the universe, I truly don't believe that each of us has a singular purpose so to speak to fulfill during our time here on earth!

Now before passing sentence on me and banishing me from ever even speaking the title of Mr. Warren's book aloud again, please bear with me while I try to explain my shocking perspective.

While it is important to understand that I am without question a person who is quite driven in life, I believe it is equally important to understand that I am not necessarily driven in quite the same way that many profess themselves to be driven, i.e. by purpose. A hard worker by upbringing and an over-achiever by nature (or so my son says), I am driven by myself and my response to my personal work ethic along with a desire to never be the proverbial "dumbass" in any room to do what I must to excel in every endeavor I attempt.

Tonight, while hanging quietly in my room reading blogs and trying to come up with a topic for this post, my beautiful, intelligent, and remarkably self-contained [especially for a 24 year-old] Goddaughter [the afore-mentioned curly-haired lurker] called to ask me my opinions on my personal purpose in life. Remembering what 24 was like, I was actually somewhat hesitant to share my views on purpose with her for fear that it would derail her from the path that 24 year olds inevitably find themselves traveling. After a short amount of introspections, I decided to do what I always do when it comes to this amazing individual and give her the unvarnished truth as I see/live it.

I explained to her that in my opinion, "Purpose" as a concept is quite overrated. Let me try to explain what I mean by this statement...

1. I believe that too many people spend too much time and exert way too much energy "looking for their purpose in life". In my opinion, purpose is something that is specific to wherever an individual is at any given moment in life and as such is a different thing for the same individual depending on the stage of life they may be in at any given time. That means that like most things in life, a person's purpose probably changes as a consequence of all of the other changes that are constantly happening in one's life. This being the case, it would seem to me that this idea of one's "Purpose" being the singular defining reason for why they were sent to this earth in the first place is way too big to accommodate any phenomenon with such a huge propensity for change.
   
2. If one does decide to take the position that we each have a specific singular purpose we are supposed to fulfill while here, a look down the road and into a future where that purpose has or has not been fulfilled results in a couple of questions that I believe it is important to answer. In scenario I, one fulfills his/her purpose by the ripe old age of 30...what's next? If purpose is a singular, overriding, and defining reason for why we are here, what is left for the individual who manages to find and fulfill his/her purpose quickly? Do they get a new purpose? Do we all get more than one? If we each have a singular purpose for which we were put here, what is this individual supposed to do with the rest of his/her life? What happens now? In scenario II, let's assume the individual never discovers nor fulfills his/her purpose...what happens here? Does this mean this person's life has been a waste and he/she is a failure at life? Should he/she continue to try to "find" a purpose or should he/she just give up and accept their perceived failure? If he/she does find "a new purpose" does that mean that they were mistaken about what they thought was their purpose before, or is this so-called "new purpose" a cop out? The fact that in either of these scenarios the individual is left to figure out what to do next seems to belie the idea of a singular purpose in any of our lives.
   
3. Another issue I have with the concept of a singular purpose is that for far too many people, purpose seems to relate to their occupation or vocation when in my view of the world if one were to be given a singular purpose to fulfill, I would think it would be connected to things that bring more value to the average individual's life than what we do to cover the cost of living. Though I fully understand that some of us actually do work at jobs that we truly love and that we find fulfilling, it is my belief that the mass majority of us work at jobs that are just that jobs...and have very little to do with any greater purpose our lives may have.

I could continue building this list of reasons why I don't personally subscribe to the idea of a singular purpose in my own life, but I won't because who has time for all of that? I will add this point from my own personal experience here on earth that just might shed a little more light on my views. If I were asked to define my own singular purpose in life if indeed I have one, I would have to say that it would be to have been my son's mother. However, this is something I would answer with the wisdom of the perspective of hindsight working for me. When I discovered that I was pregnant almost 20 years ago, I can assure you that I felt absolutely no sense of this pregnancy possibly being the first step to me fulfilling any purpose I might have been given in this life. Even as I raised this fantastic little boy to manhood, I still felt no sense of this being my purpose though I admit to having enjoyed doing this one thing more than anything else I've done. Additionally, now that my son is a man and well on his way to being on his own in the world, if being his mother was the singular purpose assigned to me by the cosmos or whatever entity is responsible for assigning purpose, does that mean I'm done now? Of course it doesn't, and for this reason more than anything else maybe, I don't buy into the idea of a singular purpose in life.

Not subscribing to the idea of a singular purpose has made my life easier in many ways in my opinion. I have spent virtually no time in the past 43 years comparing myself to others as it relates to where I happen to be at any point in my life. I don't find myself looking at those who have attained educational goals that I still aspire to achieve and thinking that they have done a better job of deciphering and attaining their purpose in this world. I don't look at married couples and think they are further along the path to fulfilling their purpose than I am. I don't find myself falling into depressions with the advent of my birthday each year because I am not where I thought I'd be by "x" date or point in time; to the contrary, I anticipate each birthday with the same excitement I had for my birthday as a child. As a matter of fact, though I spend a significant amount of time planning for my future, I DO NOT have a 5, 10, 15... or any other number of years plan; don't get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with making these kinds of plans...I simply don't do them. I definitely make plans for myself and my future such as my current "plan" to become a published author (I'm already a writer ;) within the calendar year running from February 1, 2008 to January 31, 2009. Notice I am writing that very specific and measureable goal here in the public realm for each of you to read and if you want attempt to hold me accountable to achieving. As I write it, I fully expect to fulfill this goal; however, if I don't, such is life...I'll change the "complete by date" and try again with absolutely no shame in my game regardless of what any of you might have to say about it! LOL!

If I believe in the concept of a singular purpose at all, I'd have to say it is with a caveat. I believe that if indeed we have a singular purpose in life, it must minimally be similar to the way other positive characteristics are assigned to us...things like beauty, intelligence, personality, etc. I think if indeed we each have a purpose in life, that purpose whatever it may be is not assigned to each of us to the same degree. What I mean by this is that much like physical beauty is possessed by each of us to some degree, some possess more and some possess less, purpose in my opinion probably operates much the same way. This explains to my satisfaction those people I meet on rare occasions who seem to be doing exactly what fulfills them and utilizes the gifts they possess to the utmost potential. These individuals are to purpose what Halle Berry and Dorothy Dandridge (according to many) was to the idea of black, feminine beauty. This also reinforces for me why for the majority of us for whom purpose is not so obviously an identifiable gift, spending inordinate amounts of time and energy trying to discern it might not be a sensible idea.

The take-away folks is that purpose should be a good thing in one's life. It should focus us on the creation of goals and objectives that if achieved should hopefully enrich our lives. At the same time, as it focuses us, our purpose should be flexible and capable of being adjusted, modified, or even scrapped without leaving us to feel we have failed or even worse, that we are failures. Purpose should inspire us to do great things, not convict us about the things we are doing. In too many cases, I find that those "purpose driven individuals" that I personally know are much too hard on themselves. They are often found stressing over how much of their lives have passed with them not yet having identified their purpose...or worse, they are distraught over the thought that they may never be able to fulfill the purpose they believe they have identified. So much energy focused on something that should be a positive influence in our lives and yet seems so often to be such a negative force in our lives can't be a good thing. So as a happily purposeless woman, I'd like to offer the following suggestions...

RELAX and let yourself do whatever it is that you do!

If indeed we each do have a specific singular purpose to fulfill, it will surely find us so don't stress over it. If we each have multiple purposes to fulfill, I am sure those will find us too. Even if the final verdict is that there is no such thing as purpose, that's okay too because if each of us are doing whatever it is that we do, I assure you that we will be doing what it is we are supposed to be doing and in my opinion, none of us can expect any more from ourselves than that!

So let me hear from you now...Do you believe you have a singular purpose? Have you identified it yet? Is it something you expect to be able to identify? Have you fulfilled it yet? What if you never find it...what then?

This Black Woman Supports Mr. Barack Obama...and she ain't afraid to say it!!!

Can anyone tell me where these political pundits get off with this assumption that because I am a black woman who supports Mr. Barack Obama's candidacy for president, I am simply delivering my support to him because of the fact that we both happen to be black?

• I have never, ever voted for Jesse Jackson for any reason...I wouldn't vote him dogcatcher; oh and btw, he's black too.
• Before this election, I have never voted for any black candidate for the Presidency of the United States and I was black in all the previous elections in which I voted too.
• I have voted for many white candidates for any number of offices even in some instances when there was a black candidate running as the opponent; but I guess they probably assumed I punched the wrong chad.
  

If you are able to answer that question, let's try another one. Please explain to me (slowly as you must realize that as a black woman my ability to comprehend is limited at best and you may lose me if you go too fast **smh**) why it is that the converse is not the case; meaning that when a white male or female votes for Billary or McCain or any other of the multitudes of available caucasian candidates the same assumption is not made?

• I suppose white folks vote the issues because...why again?
• It reminds me of an incident that occurred on my last job where this brother (i.e. African-American colleague) would not join me and the 3 other black co-workers in our division for lunch in the corporate lunch room for fear he would be seen as "only cavorting with blacks". First of all, I don't cavort; however, if I choose to start, why I ask you must we be concerned about such things when white folks find that they can sit with/vote for whomever without racial assumptions being drawn. I say, "I'll sit wherever and vote for whomever I damned well please and anyone who has a problem with that can kiss my....!"

Now that you're all warmed up, I'm sure you will be able to knock this one out of the park for me! Why is it that the fact that I CHOOSE to support the candidacy of Mr. Barack Obama MUST BE all about race when the fact that some caucasians CHOOSE not to support him MUST BE about anything else BUT race?

• Because the fact of the matter is that it is NOT POSSIBLE that white folks in American would choose not to support for president the perfect man to take the reigns of this country based on one reason, BECAUSE HE IS A BLACK MAN...
  

Tired yet? You should be, 'cause believe me when I say, "I most definitely am!" I AM TIRED! Tired of having my intelligence be considered suspect because I have chosen to support the candidate I BELIEVE best aligns with what I consider to be the most urgent needs of this country: GETTING THE HELL OUT OF IRAQ YESTERDAY and ELECTING A PRESIDENT WHO ACTUALLY REMEMBERS THAT THOSE WHO WORK THE HARDEST DAY IN AND DAY OUT TO MAKE THIS COUNTRY THE AMAZING PLACE IT HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BE (yeah I said it dammit, **POTENTIAL** 'cause we damned sure ain't there yet! So bring it on, I can take it just like Michelle!) DESERVE A PRESIDENT WHO WILL WORK ON THEIR BEHALF TOO!

I'm tired of folk who don't even know me and who can't begin to relate to what my experience has been trying to tell me what MY ISSUES are. All this talk about Obama supporters being conned by his eloquent speeches makes me wonder if these so called "political analysts" have ever listened to a word Mr. Obama has spoken. Please someone tell me what part of "I plan to withdraw our troops from Iraq within a year and a half" isn't about the issues facing this country. What part of "I have a plan for Universal Healthcare that does not involve garnishing an individual's payroll or blocking his/her ability to secure gainful employment" is not about the issues facing this country? At what point does "Instead of giving no-bid contracts to companies headed by the President's former campaign manager, we will make sure that rebuilding benefits the local economy. I have worked across the aisle in the Senate to crack down on no-bid contracts, and to make sure that emergency contracting is only done immediately after an emergency. When I am President, if there is a job that can be done by a New Orleans resident, the contract will go to a resident of New Orleans. And we'll provide tax incentives to businesses that choose to set up shop in the hardest hit areas. " fail to address one of the major issues facing New Orleans and the the areas hardest hit by Hurricane Katrina which even now, more than two years later is still virtually a devastated wasteland. In this world of political pundits dictating for us what our votes mean and/or say we believe I ask you why does this perspective "Each year, as we watch the State of the Union, we see half the chamber rise to applaud the President and half the chamber stay in their seats. We see half the country tune in to watch, but know that much of the country has stopped even listening. Imagine if next year was different. Imagine if next year, the entire nation had a president they could believe in. A president who rallied all Americans around a common purpose. That's the kind of President we need in this country. And with your help in the coming days and weeks, that's the kind of President I will be." not receive more airtime? I don't know about you, but I have not had many phone calls or pieces of literature mailed to me by the republican candidates appealing to me to forget party alignment and work with them to realize this country's promise. Does the fact that Mr. Obama spoke out very specifically against the accepted politics of getting things done in Washington D.C. in this passage, "It's a game where lobbyists write check after check and Exxon turns record profits, while you pay the price at the pump, and our planet is put at risk. That's what happens when lobbyists set the agenda, and that's why they won't drown out your voices anymore when I am President of the United States of America." fail in some way to elucidate his stand on the issue of the power of Washington lobbyists and large corporations?

Most of all, I need it to be known that I resent with every single cell in my body when I am beat over the head and ridiculed for what most draws me to this particular candidate...our (his and my) shared belief in this:

"Now when I start talking like this, some folks tell me that I've got my head in the clouds. That I need a reality check. That we're still offering false hope. But my own story tells me that in the United States of America, there has never been anything false about hope."

and this:

"But we always knew that hope is not blind optimism. It's not ignoring the enormity of the task ahead or the roadblocks that stand in our path. It's not sitting on the sidelines or shirking from a fight. Hope is that thing inside us that insists, despite all evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it, and to work for it, and to fight for it. "

See, the truth of the matter is that I was raised on hope! I was fed it at least 3 times a day and then my feedings were supplemented with more hope for snack times. It is my belief that in a world full of folks who want to believe that they have all the answers, the only smart thing to do is to find the one who offers hope along with his/her answers as nothing else much matters once they find out that their answers were not necessarily the solution to what ails us. When that point is reached, once the answers have run dry, the only thing left to fall back on is a good dose of hope; it enables one to brush oneself off and try again. Lack of hope results in stagnation as one becomes stuck wherever one is...sounds like the State of Our Union today doesn't it? We have no hope under the current administration and are all just trying to "tread water" until someone/something comes to rescue us. This one thing I know for sure, we are our own rescue squad and by voting to bring hope back into the politics of America, we can not only rescue ourselves, we can rescue our country. One of these days, those candidates who ridicule the hope offered as a primary platform in the Obama campaign will find that their answers (like the answers of so many before them and maybe even the answers of Mr. Obama) are NOT the solutions to the problems we face that they were expecting them to be. When that day comes, I hope their address is not 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue; because if indeed that is the case, we as a country will be faced once again with the perpetuation of all the issues that currently plague this nation and at the same time, find that we are doomed yet again to another long, painful season devoid of hope. I can't promise you that Mr. Obama has the right answers, but what I can promise is that if he finds that he doesn't, he will have the one key ingredient necessary for staying the course and trying again. How many of the other candidates in this electoral process offer anything similar to that?

This IS THE ONLY TIME YOU WILL EVER HEAR ME SAY THIS...but please, I beg of you, take Bill Clinton's advice...

(obviously said while campaigning for Kerry...still no less true today!)

Time Is Not A Straight Line...

The week that has passed since my last post here has been an amazing one in my life. It has been a week of solidifying new relationships with bloggers across the country with whom I hope my associations will be long, and which have already begun to bear fruit. It has been a week of great introspection which has led to wonderful discoveries and new insight into the blogger that is me. It has been a week of re-connections with friends and loved ones throughout the country with whom I had not been in touch for some time. Finally, it has been another one of those weeks that leaves one's mind swirling and twirling as the effects of the Earth's frantic rotation on its axis seems somehow able to be physically detectable by this mere mortal. With so many influences received in a single week, I thought I'd share some of those things that for whatever reason still remain prominent in my mind.

A few weeks ago, I posted a poem here that was inspired by another of my many "Teachers" titled "LEARNING". The poem was an ode to the exhileration I get from learning new things and the side dish of fear that comes with that same learning. Several people have asked me what is the basis of the "fear" I spoke of in the poem, to which I reply "The fear is the natural response to the necessity of changing myself, my views, and/or my actions to accommodate what I have learned." In the spirit of this particular learning, I would like to encourage black people worldwide to open their/our collective minds to this simple idea and be more willing to change ourselves, our views, our actions, as well as our minds about the expectations we set for those like us.

It is fear of change I believe that most seems to hinder the progress and advancement of the black race. In my opinion, we are one of the most passionate races to be found on the planet, and that being so, there is no stronger ally one can have in their corner than a person of African-American descent...at least initially. The problem however seems to be that there always seems to come a point, just when whatever it is we are striving for is within our reach, that "fear" is allowed to derail us from our original course. When this happens, we as a people seem to lose sight of the BIG PICTURE possibly because of a fear of the change we are required to undergo within ourselves simply to believe that what we have worked so diligently for is something we might actually obtain.

This Saturday, February 23rd is the scheduled date for the 2008 STATE OF BLACK AMERICA Forum. A critically important event in my opinion based on previous years, this event will receive even more notariety this year as it figures prominently into the race for the Democratic Presidential Nomination. In recent weeks, there have been some mild rumblings about whether or not Mr. Obama has to be (as in "He's obligated to prove his solidarity with black folks as a black candidate trying to win their votes) in attendance. I personally take issue with the concept of Mr. Obama or anyone else for that matter being boxed in such that he "has" to do anything. My opinions notwithstanding, it appears that factions of Black America (read: Tavis Smiley and I'm not hatin' here as I assure you that I love me some Tavis) are upset with the Illinois Senator's decision not to attend the event but to campaign in Texas and Ohio instead. Even offering his brilliant wife Mrs. Michelle Obama to attend in his stead (a completely acceptable alternative in my estimation) was not received as an acceptable compromise. Thus, began the criticisms again of whether or not Mr. Obama was attempting to "separate" himself from being associated with anything black in orientation. I find myself thinking, "Let it go people...just let it go! Why must black folks constantly be held to a standard by which they are required to "prove" their blackness while white folks are given the designation of "blackness" for something as stereotypical as being able to play the saxophone or loving fried chicken? Why was it acceptable for Mrs. Clinton to send the former president to South Carolina on her behalf while she campaigned elswhere with no resulting talk of her underlying reason being an attempt to 'avoid being viewed as "the black candidate" by avoiding spending significant amounts of time campaigning in largely Black South Carolina' . But to the contrary, now when Mr. Obama is faced with pretty much the same scenario due to other priorities of his own, his decision results in questions about his loyalty to black voters?". There is definitely a double standard being applied here people.

With the event taking place this weekend, and Mrs. Clinton currently scheduled to attend and Mr. Obama not, my expectation is that those mild rumblings from recent weeks will shortly turn into full-fledged volcanoes. Here you can find a blog post by Roland Martin in which he gives what I believe to be a well thought out analysis of the candidates' current needs as it relates to securing the Democratic Nomination and a subsequent rationale for what their priorities should be for this upcoming weekend based on that analysis. The bottom line is that Mr. Obama is running for president of the entire United States of America same as Mrs. Clinton, and in my opinion he should be allowed to do that based on what he needs to do to accomplish that goal, same as Mrs. Clinton. Currently, Mrs. Clinton could benefit by positively impacting the number of Black Americans willing to endorse her as a candidate the same as positively impacting the Hispanic communities can benefit Mr. Obama's campaign. Thus, it makes absolute sense for Mrs. Clinton to attend this event, but for Mr. Obama who already has significant Black support, not so much. In order for Mr. Obama to live up to his promise of trying to improve things for any Americans, black, white, male, female or otherwise, he must first become the president. I personally would love it if Mr. Smiley, the Congressional Black Caucus, the Civil Rights Old Guard and all the other so-called keeper's of Dr. King's Dream would get the hell outta the way and let him do that! So please my fellow black folks, regardless of what you hear or who you personally endorse, please, please, please look at the BIG PICTURE and decide for yourself where you believe Mr. Obama, Mrs. Clinton, and any other candidate you might support should be on Saturday.

In the last week, I have discovered yet another "Teacher" in the person of one of my new favorite bloggers, a person who already has become a lifelong friend I'm sure, Xavier of Ali's Zay blog fame. In less than a week, Zay has taught Ms. Just Write Now as much as she has learned in the last six months from her own efforts, and the greatest of these learnings is his teachings regarding the nature of TIME, thus the title of this post. My new friend has revolutionized my thinking about time and this new learning is reflected throughout my approach to my life and has been a liberating factor in my recent writing. "Thanks again Zay!"

This post itself is a perfect illustration of the fact that time is not linear as I have jumped back and forth between the past, present, and future many times already and here I go back to the future again....

Saturday is also MY BIRTHDAY....YEAAAAAAAAAA MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Always a huge appreciator of my birthday, I am sooooooooooo looking forward to this one. Those fine bloggers who were contributors to the wonderful compilation titled

"Bloggers'

Delight

Volume One" will be having their very first book release party right here in my fair city THE LOU and on my very own BEARTHDAY...once again I find myself saying "YEAAAAAAAAAAAA MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! I am gonna meet Ms. CapCity, Mizrepresent, Mega-rich, Saadia, and who knows who else alive and in person right here on my turf. Talk about looking forward to your birthday ***so damned giddy she needs drugs to come down to earth***. In addition, many of my friends and loved ones have confirmed they will be in attendance at this amazing event as well to help me and those delightful bloggers celebrate! Isn't it wonderful when your presents come early...you don't even have to wonder if you will be getting anything ;-)

Okay, time being what it is, let's take a step back into the past to tomorrow, Friday, February 22nd (see what Zay means...gotcha with that one didn't I? I betcha you had to go back and think about that one...YEAAAAAAAAA ZAAAAAAAAAAAY!). Tomorrow, my son Ryan and I will be driving over to Kansas to check out one of the colleges he is considering. Now y'all already know that I couldn't possibly love this child/man more than I do, but let me tell you all how truly amazing he is. This person that started life inside my body has truly got a life of his own! He is a senior this year and will be graduating in May. To date, he has been accepted to three colleges, and two of the three so far have offered him scholarships for both his academic and athletic prowess! So tomorrow we will be evaluating in person one of the two colleges so far to offer him significant scholarship assistance as we narrow the field of choices to the one lucky enough to ultimately claim my brilliant man-child as one of its future alums! Now you tell me, what is there not to love about this kid?!

Okay, this is getting much longer than I planned so I'm gonna end my time travels here in the present by saying to each of you reading this: "You are the very definition of love so thank you so much for stopping in ;-)" !!!

**
Black and White photography stolen shamelessly from Zay's blog; all other photos taken or stolen from the www by Ms. Just Write Now ;-)

With Candy So Abundant, Sugar Coating Is Not Necessary!

I think it has been awhile since I let go of a good ole' old fashioned rant so today's the day!

Whose dumb a$$ idea was Valentine's Day anyway?

Now before any of you go off trying to convince yourselves that I'm pissed merely because I am an embittered single woman and thus won't be getting any of the candy or other obligatory tokens of the day let me just say two things:

• Though single, embittered would not be an adjective anyone would use to describe me!


• If I wanted to, I could gift myself with flowers, candy, etc. with more spontaneous and truly heartfelt presentation than most of the "gift" giving that will take place today!"

I mean come on, who could have thought this whole scenario was a good idea?

Let's step back and examine the situation...

Boy meets girl.

Boy likes girl.

Boy waits 2 days minimum before calling girl.

Girls smiles and picks up the phone all the while thinking, "You'll pay for those 2 days on V-day!"

Okay, so I'm being a bit melodramatic I admit but come on people how did the "romance-mongers" a.k.a. businesses trying to make a buck off of commercializing love ever pull such a coup over on us without us ever seeming to notice? To make matters worse, it ain't even all that creative...

Fellas, I'll give you all a little credit for trying to resist this machine, but with booty on the line, y'all fall in line pretty easily it seems. My sistas, we are another story entirely. I have seen it all in reaction to what a sista did or did not receive on this most manufactured of all the commercial holidays. From being pissed that the flowers were carnations (which mean friendship) instead of roses (which mean love; but only if they're red mind you--who comes up with this ish) to going postal because yet again the box contained an appliance instead of a diamond ring, I am astonished and appalled by the atrocious behavior I've seen my sistas display on this made-up "holiday". Even more alarming is the fact that rarely does a sista-friend step forward to breath sanity into an obviously insane situation as most of us seem to behave as if our brains have been deprived of oxygen when it comes to our response to a brother not jumping through the "hoops" affiliated with this day.

Let's face it, if it was really a holiday, I wouldn't have to work. If it was really all about love, it would have been scheduled to occur on weekends when lovers would be able to lay around with each other and ummm "meditate" on their mutual adoration. If it was really about love, the most honorable emotion we are capable of, the damned day would have some semblance of authenticity, realness, some basis in reality. But noooooooooooooooooo, it's just a manufactured, fake azz, excuse for brothas to get ganked, sistas to get stressed, and purveyors of the spoils of this war (i.e. jewelers, candy makers, florists) to clean-up!

It doesn't even matter whether one is single or part of a couple, nobody wins with this one. Official couples fight over what did/didn't, should/shoudn't have been purchased. Singles are ill-at-ease as they struggle to figure out if they are "serious" enough to be expected to fall in with the requirements of the day. Brothas get more broke while sistas get more stressed and in the midst of all the "romance" permeating the world, there is an undercurrent of "LAWD puleeze just let it be ovah!"

Now if you like this kind of forced festivity, far be it from me to try to dissuade you from it. I'm just saying from my point of view, I'll pass on V-day in favor of something truly from the heart, floating on the wings of fantasy, that shows up with no preamble sometime in the future...maybe a month from Wednesday and maybe even just because its Wednesday!

HAPPY FEBRUARY 14TH Y'ALL!!!

HER/HAIR PEACE

(Photo taken New Years Day 2008)

I am a woman who notices parallels.

I notice them whenever they occur and in the last year or so I have stumbled quite by accident on an amazing parallel in my life. It is the parallel between coming to terms with my hair and coming to terms with myself.

Coming of age as a black woman is much like coming of age for anyone -- wrought with twists and turns that with hindsight seem inconcievably trite but while traveling through appeared to be if not insurmountable, an awfully long row to hoe. Self-esteem, so essential to this coming of age proces is a tricky thing. Ultimately, it is controlled by self but until one realizes this fact, most allow others to control self resulting in self-esteem being anything but controlled by self. The end result is sadly obvious.

In the case of many black girls, much of their self-image is wrapped up in their hair. Whoopie Goldberg alluded to this fact in her amazing stand-up show many years ago when she created the character of the little black girl who desired "long, beautiful, golden, blonde hair". The hallmark of classic comedy is that it provides a mirror of the souls of us. Unfortunately there are no photos available to prove this, but I was born essentially bald headed and with a strand of grey hair. Two years later, I was joined by a sister who in contrast was born with "Shirley Temple" ringlets. As we grew up, my fine strands of hair never grew long or luxurious while hers on the other hand rivaled the length and thickness of Oprah's oft questioned locks. Looking back on pictures from my childhood, I often tease my mother that because I did not have long, luxurious hair like my sister's she didn't exert much energy keeping it neat and that when she did comb it, she put these giant, heavy barrettes on the stubby little ponytails to make them move when I moved. Yes, you guessed it, I was Whoopie's character who dreamed she would one day have long, beautiful, golden, blonde hair.

As the ritual goes, I went through the hair rites of passage of most black girls. Press and curls from about five years of age onward, thinned already fine hair. I loved these press and curls, because they made my hair smooth and now I could have curls and bangs. I was getting closer to realizing my dream. Thirteen brought my mother's approval for a perm which moved my cause even further along as I continued my quest for long, beautiful, golden, blonde hair. Somewhere in the middle of all this, things started to really get warped.

All of the hoops I was jumping through to realize my quest came with added responsibility. Press and curls dictated a maniacal avoidance of the summer sun and water that I loved dearly being a water-baby born under the sign of the fish. Perms required a major investment of time and money and a life spent at the mercy of beauticians who had little if any respect for my time or money. In my quest for long, beautiful, golden, blonde hair I had found that I was becoming someone other than who I wanted to be.

Going from bad to worse, enter BOYS! A girl and now a woman who has a craving for the brothas exclusively, I was willing to have my physical appearance somewhat dictated by what those beautiful black boys and later men, found attractive. Now this was not apparent on the surface as I was a dedicated tomboy and swimmer who projected the image of not giving a damn what anyone thought about her appearance. However, whenever I did change my hair it was never without the thought "What will the boys think? Will they think this is attractive?". There was never a time when I failed to "get the guy" that the thought that "If I had longer hair he would have found me attractive", didn't find its way through my skull in some format.

Next, enter corporate America. Trying to get in where I fit in came with problems of its own. Having gotten closer to fulfilling my quest of obtaining long, beautiful, golden, blonde hair by graduating from the perm to braided extentions left unraveled at the ends and subsequently able to be curled, I now wondered as I prepared to interview whether or not they would be considered acceptable in the lily-white corridors of corporate America. Adopting a better-safe-than-sorry attitude as I tried to secure a baller job that would ultimately deliver a key to the Vice President's bathroom, I removed my extensions and opted for a more commonplace and conservative version of my previous perms.

Worse however was not as bad as it could get as weaves exploded on the scene. "Wait a minute", I thought. "Here is the answer to all of my prayers. I can have long, beautiful, golden, blonde hair if I want. I can. I really, truly can." So I did just that; minus the blonde that is.

It was shortly after this phase began that something happened that changed me. I ended a relationship that had been on-again, off-again for the better part of fifteen years. I was just a few months shy of my 39th birthday. I finally began to see myself for myself for real, perhaps for what was the very first time ever; and I did not see the person I would have expected to see based on what I wanted for me.

I am a woman who is a lover of all things natural. I am at my best when gorging myself on all the texture life holds. (Bandana photos taken today, February 2, 2008)

I am casual, and in my natural state, quite low-maintenance to boot and above all else, I understand that life is short and therefore should be savored. I get that we are each given our own individual blessings and if we take the time to notice, understand, and appreciate them, they will give to us everything they were sent to bring.

Why then, I found myself asking was I going through all of these kniptions with my hair considering that in all the time I had been caring for and making decisions regarding my hair I had never once been satisfied with the result; nor did I ever feel it was representative of me or the image I choose to project. This was when I first saw the parallel between learning to be at peace with me and learning to be at peace with my hair. It was the same journey. A journey that required enough life experience to get to know who I am, what I am, who and what I want to be, and what it takes to realize all of those things.

My mother turned my hair over to heat and chemicals before I ever had the chance to become acquainted with it. I pretty much did the same with myself I realized now as I look back and recognize all of the times I tried to be what I thought others wanted me to be instead of choosing for myself who and what I was. I chose to continue that pattern until those processes controlled my locks and my life for the better of thirty-five years. Now, I have chosen to eliminate these elements from my haircare regimen and also from my life. It is ironic to see the amazing growth spurt my hair is undergoing now after all the years of hearing how my hair was too fine, thin, and fragile to grow long and strong like I desired. It is just as amazing to see the change in myself as I become more and more comfortable with and enamored of the woman I am becoming. Since allowing and encouraging my hair and myself to return to our natural states I have been introduced to textures I didn't know it had and freedoms I didn't know existed. At the same time, I have discovered truths and falsehoods about myself that I would have sworn before could not exist inside of me.

So at 42, soon to be 43 I am finally and at long last doing what I do for me. I sometimes hear sistas I respect make comments about the nappiness of my hair; their comments bead up and roll off me like rain off a freshly waxed car. My boss and corporate America are falling in line as I have left them no other choice; the decisions here are mine to make. As for those beautiful brothas I spoke of, many will and have decided to pass on me and the napps and you know what, that's alright with me as I'm quite sure in my own hard-won self-esteem that those particular brothas don't have the strength of character necessary to hang anyway. As India Arie sings so eloquently,

"I AM NOT MY HAIR".

However, now that I have attained HAIR PEACE, I am more me than I ever was before which means now I can allow my self to have HER PEACE.

INDIA ARIE AND I WISH YOU

HAIR PEACE TOO!

(So do you, whatever that may mean ;)

Click HERE for the poetic version of this journey which I have entered into a poetry contest on the amazing blog

"Bloggers' Delight...To Write"!!!

Ever Wish You Could Just Get USED UP?

The other day while driving to work I heard this song on the radio...



Since I was a little girl, I have had an affinity for this song. I can remember riding to school with my mother, brother, and sister and Bill Withers would come on the radio singing this song and I would sing along at the top of my lungs inside my head (as I have never been blessed with singing ablility my family members were not having me singing out loud outside my head in the car). Thinking back to those days, I don't believe I even knew what he was singing about, but I loved this song.

Well, as I drove myself to work the other day listening to this same song on the radio (and singing out loud outside my head ;) I can assure you that I knew EXACTLY what Mr. Withers was singing about and it was then that I knew that once again I had a problem...

My problem is that I miss sex...A lot!

Finding myself quite unexpectedly single yet again, I am living without sex, yet again. Not being a woman who sees casual sex as a viable option for herself for more reasons than I want to expound upon here in this post, this is simply the way things are. It is what it is. I accept that.

However...

Upon hearing Mr. Withers' soulful rendition of Use Me, I found myself fantasizing. Now don't get too excited because there will be no sharing of any good fantasies in this space..."get real people", my Mother reads this blog! What I was going to say was that I found myself wondering "What if I were a different kind of woman? What if I could get past my necessity to feel an emotional connection with a guy before feeling comfortable about sexual connections? What would it be like to be that woman?"

Right about now, the idea of "getting used up" is not such a bad thing; at least not on the surface! The idea of being more cavalier in my sexual attitudes on the other hand is driven by a deeper, underlying fear that I have felt more often than I care to acknowledge. I find myself wondering sometimes if this is an irrational fear or if it is one that other women share with me. When I consider the number of times since I first became sexually active that I have found myself for extended periods of time experiencing what I call "self-imposed celibacy" I sometimes become anxious. My anxiety revolves around the fear of one day finding that while living in one of these periods of self-imposed celibacy, my desire to have sex at all will have vanished or that I might one day find that what was optimistically expected to be just a little while has turned into the rest of my sexual lifetime. Maybe other women don't worry about this at all, but I am primarily a long-range planner and as such find it virtually impossible not to consider the long-term ramifications of most any action I take.

I know women to whom these very things have happened. I know women who are still what I consider to be young sexually speaking, who have lived without sex for decades, even scores of years during which they should have been at their sexual peak and enjoying great quantities (and if truly blessed) great quality of sex. During a time when they should be blissfully enjoying the joys of sex that come with the maturity and self-assurance that increasing age brings, these still sexually young, attractive women are seemingly standing on the sidelines and allowing their sexual primes to pass them by simply because they are not half of a committed coupledom. This seems to be especially true of many single, black women between the ages of 35 and 65. Take a moment and think about it...think of the girlfriends, co-workers, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and great-aunts in your life...I bet you too know at least one and probably more than one black woman who somehow found herself single between the ages of 35 to 45 years of age and never again having seriously connected romantically with a man remained single and without sex for the remainder of her life.

How the hell does that happen?! I don't know about you, but I don't hear of many men in this age group going for decades without sex and if on occasion I do hear of accounts where this has happened to a man, believe me you, it is an isolated occurrence. So I ask you, "Why is this such a common fact of life for so many black women?"

We all know there are many answers to this question, from the way most of us were raised, to our attempts to protect our reputations, to a fear of HIV/AIDS and other achronyms, no one has to outline for us the underlying causes of so many wasted sexual lifetimes; however, does anyone besides me wonder why this is allowed to be, and what we as black women can do differently to avoid the same fate as so many of our predecessors? Why don't our male contemporaries seem to be faced with this eventuality and how is it that they seem to be getting plenty...are they for some reason unbeknownst to me, not susceptible to the same sexual tragedies that we are? Can someone tell me how can I be down if this is the case? Or, are we black women drinking the proverbial kool-aid and in actuality brothers aren't getting any more sex than we are? Wouldn't that be terrible...finding out that NONE of us are getting any?

I don't know the answers, and most of these questions are rhetorical at best. There are no easy answers, but from where I stand as a soon to be 43 year old, single, black woman who is not getting any I will say this much...

"I will not go softly into that good night!"

I will rage against the dying of the light! I intend to do whatever is in my powers to find that special guy with whom I can establish the kind of connection I require to comfortably, willingly, and enthusiastically enter once again into a sexual relationship with total abandonment. I will find him by using

ANY MEANS NECESSARY

from having my Grandma do the quintessential "fix-up" to trying my luck on the internet. Whatever I have to do, I do not intend to "wake up" one day 10, 20, or 30 years from now on the brink of my 53rd, 63rd, or 73rd birthday and realize that since my "self-imposed celibacy" began I have not had sex for more years than the number of years I was having it before said self-imposed celibacy began. I am an attractive, desirable, intelligent, liberated, black woman who happily admits that she loves, LOVES, LOVES sex; and as such, I say to the world right here, right now

I will not quit until I find my someone special and the two of us can keep on using each other until ...

somebody gets used up!

Of course I mean that in the best possible way ;-)

Tell 'em what I'm talkin' bout D'angelo!

See What Had Happened Was....

The aftermath of the end of a serious romantic relationship is always difficult to navigate at best. From publicizing the break-up to others, to dealing with the surprise and condolences offered as the word gets around, to deciding when one is at a point that dating again makes sense, there is nothing easy about this predicament.

In the worst-case scenarios, one or both parties can't seem to stay out of each other's lives which only adds to how problematic managing this time in one's life can be. In my case, when I say goodbye to a romantic liaison, I say SO LONG, FAREWELL, AUF WIEDERSEHEN, GOODBYE! I typically am not the type to continue the "friendship" or meet for lunch or any of those types of things (with the exception of one case). I'm not sure why this is unless it is that though I have typically been the one to ultimately fire the bullet that put the injured horse [that was the relationship by that point] out of its misery, I was almost NEVER the one who actually wanted the relationship to end. By forcing me to end something I still wanted to flourish, many of my ex'es wrote themselves off my radar screen, just like that.

I have found that in my own dealings with the opposite sex, even when they want out of the relationship, the men in my life have been unable to simply END IT. I call it the "Good Guy Syndrome"; none of them wanted to be the bad guy, the one who ended it. Even so, most of them found no issues with coming out of the bag on me in ways that left me no choice but to call it quits; effectively avoiding being the one to break it off a.k.a. the bad guy. Nevermind that the shit they did to piss me off enough to let go was worse than simply ending it could ever have been. Yeah, as I think back now, I can not recall even one relationship that was terminated by the man with whom I was involved stepping forward and simply saying "I no longer want to be in this relationship." or any other words to that effect; not even when that was exactly what he wanted.

Anyway, I digress...
What I came here to toss around today is the idea of how long is long enough for someone [man or woman] to get over the emotional trauma caused by the break-up of a serious relationship and start dating again? AND, is it ALWAYS necessary that the individual in question take that time?

As you heard in the audio introduction to this post, one of my ex'es suggested to me a few weeks ago that I had not given myself enough time to get over the PO before considering the option of dating again. My impulse upon hearing his opinion was to tell him to "Kiss My Black Ass", but he might have been pleased by that suggestion so I opted to just get off the phone. LOL.

That was almost 3 weeks ago, but today as I sit isolated in the house with an ear infection and some really funky stuff happening with my throat as evidenced by that extremely "sexy" voice recording I left :), I got to thinking about what he'd said. I found myself wondering whether he might be right on any level or was he just being a typical hater and doing what haters do best:

HATERS HATE.

As I rolled this question over my brain cells until they were well saturated with the issue these thoughts started to take shape.

1. I suppose it could be said that there is a period of time necessary to "mourn" the death of a relationship that at one time was the primary focus in one's life.

-However, it is my opinion that only I can decide for me how long that time period needs to be. For some external force to try to dictate for me how long I should wait when that individual has no real clue of whether or not I am ready to move on, stay still, or heaven forbid even go back and re-visit what I just left behind is absolutely ridiculous.
-Furthermore, I personally don't feel that every break-up even requires a mourning period at all. I know that in some situations what is being left behind was so worthless, meaningless, and shallow that getting out of it is in many ways a relief or cause celebre'! When this is the case, the individuals leaving this train-wreck behind may be ready to become involved [maybe even seriously] immediately thereafter.

2. It seems that most people believe that it is necessary to have a significant "break" from dating following a serious break-up.

-Perhaps, but here's the thing...
I believe in carpe diem....seizing the day, though I don't believe in one single "soul mate" for each of us because I think GOD loves me much too much to make finding happiness so unlikely considering the size of the planet and the sheer numbers of people on it [but this is a post for another day huh-LOL]. Anyway, carpe diem applies in my book no matter what is going on. So imagine a situation where you have recently ended a serious relationship that was everything but good for you. Shortly thereafter, you meet someone who possesses all of the traits you value in a significant other and who wants to be good for you and to you but because of the proximity of meeting him/her to the end of your last relationship you decide that you cannot investigate what could potentially be exactly what you have been dreaming of all along. I say "To hell with that nonsense!" In my opinion, meeting someone who has the potential to make you happy and letting him/her go by because you took longer than you should have to figure out the last person you were with was not good for you is just compounding your mistake. I've said this before, but it warrants repeating again here:

Letting a person who might be capable of making you happy go by without taking the time to investigate is tantamount to being given the POWERBALL numbers the day before they are picked and deciding to wait to play them next week.

People the thing to understand is that sometimes TIMING IS EVERYTHING! So understanding that sometimes a break from dating is needed, I still say no matter what, don't forget to seize the day!!!

3. Rushing too soon into dating again or another relationship means you are on the "rebound".

-Maybe, maybe not. It is that simple. The key is to make sure that whatever you went through that led to the break-up has been as fully resolved as possible. The fallacy in waiting for "total resolution" of previous issues is that most of us never completely resolve the issues with which we are confronted. Sometimes we don't even know what the issue was that led to the demise of the relationship because we were blind-sided by a partner who seemed to do an about-face for no clear and apparent reason. In those cases, I believe the best we can possibly hope for is that we are able to accept the end of the relationship and take the fact that we don't truly understand the how or the why in stride. I have known people who when faced with this situation have spent unimagineable amounts of time just trying to figure it out. Sometimes, (and please understand that this is only sometimes) the thing to understand is that sometimes you don't get to understand much if anything and sooner or later it is time to just move on. Time is not promised and as such should never be wasted.

-The other point to keep in mind here is that you should never feel you have to explain or justify to anyone other than yourself your readiness to step back into dating. I have heard so many people explaining all that they have done to "get their heads together" or why it is "not too soon to be dating again"; when in actuality those things are no one else's business but their own! In my opinion, it is not for me or anyone else to question another's readiness to "get back on the horse" so to speak. So to those of you who find yourself explaining AND those who find yourselves criticizing....STOP!

So if you haven't figured it out yet, my perspective is what it always is...DO YOU! Whatever that is; and you can best be assured that I'm gonna DO ME!

Don't forget, I want to know what you think, what your typical death of a relationship mourning time period is, and when you decide to get back in the game how you go about it....ease in, jump in with two feet and sink up to your neck, or dive in head first and let it flow!

What Goes Around Comes Around....

Does this conversation sound familiar to you?

Please don't come around Talkin bout how you've changed,
How you've said goodbye to what's-her-name,
All it sounds like to me is new game.

And I was right when I thought I'd be much better off without you,
Had to get myself around you,
Cuz my life was all about you.

So you say you wanna talk, I don't,
Say you wanna change, I won't,
Yeah it's like that, you had your chance
Won't take you back, now what,
What you think about that?

And when I say I'm through, I'm through,
Basically I'm through with you,
What you wanna say?
Had to have it your way, had to play games
Now you're begging me to stay.

(Chorus)
There you go, looking pitiful,
Just because I let you go,
There you go, talkin bout you want me back
But sometimes it be's like that,
There you go, talkin bout you miss me so
That ya love me so why, let you go?
Yeah you know, cuz your lies got old,
Now look at you, there you go.

Don't you wish you could turn the hands of time?
Don't you wish that you still were mine?
Don't you wish I'd take you back?
Don't you wish that things were simple like that?
Oh, Didn't miss a good thing till it's gone,
But I knew it wouldn't be long,
Till you came running back,
Missing my love, there you go!

If not, and if you've ever been left wondering "What went wrong? What did I do wrong?" or anything else of this nature, I hope that one day you will get to deliver this or a very similar conversation. I DID!!!

Have any of you ever had a "THERE YOU GO" moment? If so, click on comments below and tell us all how it made you feel.

Tell it like it T-I-S Pink!!!!

There you go - Pink

Posted Nov 07, 2006

You Want A Piece Of Me (Part 2)?

Yesterday, my brother Dee and I had the honor of meeting Everson Walls (pictured above with us) the former four time all-Pro Dallas Cowboys football player who recently acquired national level media attention for yet another albeit different display of how spectacular he really is.

Mr. Walls made headlines almost a year ago when he donated his kidney to friend and former Dallas Cowboys teammate Ron Springs in a transplant surgery which was similar to the one my brother and I were preparing to undergo in July 2006 when I wrote this post from which the title of today's post was spun off. Mr. Walls was in St. Louis in support of legislation being introduced in Washington D.C. by Missouri Congressman William Lacy Clay (pictured below with me and Dee). At the request of the transplant department at Barnes-Jewish Christian Hospital where Dee and I underwent our surgeries a year and a half ago, my brother and I participated in a luncheon and press conference to introduce this legislation where we and seven other families shared our own transplant stories.















Many of you who have followed this blog have commented on how impressed you were by our story. I now feel the type of awe many of you bestowed upon us after hearing some of the stories of the other families in attendance.

There was the mother of four who told of having her then 2 year old son suffer complete and sudden liver failure as a consequence of being given an over-the-counter medication to treat a simple cold. This otherwise healthy two year old was suddenly critically ill and required a liver transplant in order to live. Imagine the flood of emotion we all felt as this mother introduced us all to an obviously healthy 9 year old, rubbing his head and telling us that "her baby" as she referred her son much to his chagrin had received a successful liver transplant and was still thriving and growing strong 7 years later!

On the flip side of the equation, one of the most emotional moments of the entire event occurred as a well-dressed African-American gentleman stood to tell his story. He told of a day when his 9 year old daughter Jasmine, better known as Jazzy suffered a tragic asthma attack from which she did not recover. He shared that the spirit and character that defined his daughter dictated that her parents make the crucial decision of donating her organs and eligible body tissues for transplantation. I believe the Bible alerts us that "a child shall lead them". What an amazing way to create beauty from the most tragic event that could ever possibly present itself to any parents. From their generous gift, 40-50 patients were able to receive life-saving organ and tissue transplants that have enabled them to lead healthy and productive lives.

I cried as this story was shared, and after the press conference ended, I made a point to meet these beautiful people personally to share with them how brilliantly beautiful I felt they made the tragedy of their daughter's death. I asked them how long ago their daughter had passed and was shocked to discover that this angel's death occurred on September 3, 2007. I was even more winded upon discovering how recent her passing had been because in their shoes, I don't imagine I would be able to leave my house at this point and here they were doing everything they could to raise awareness around organ donation after all they had just been through.

My brother and I will be working together with this beautiful family in the future to increase awareness amongst African-Americans regarding registration for organ donation after death as well as living donation such as the kidney transplant my brother and I underwent. We plan to focus on the Black churches in the St. Louis and metro-east Illinois areas.

The final story I will share comes with a prayer request. Another African-American father shared the plight of his 15 year old daughter Brittany. I had the absolute privilege of meeting this beautiful, young sister who was afflicted with leukemia as an eighteen month old child. With her family's support and great medical care, Brittany survived her cancer and is now in remission from her condition. However, the stress of the disease has weakened her heart and though currently cancer free, she now awaits a heart for transplantation. In less than a week, she is scheduled to be connected to an L-VAD as her heart and lungs are weak. This will require Brittany to be hospitalized. With tears in his eyes as he talked about "his Princess", Brittany's father vowed to take care of his daughter even if it meant transporting her entire bedroom to the hospital so she could feel more at home. The prayer request is specifically for Brittany to be blessed with a heart in time to save her life and enable her to enjoy her teen years to the fullest.

In order for this prayer to be answered, some one will have to die.

As horrible as that last statement sounds, the fact of the matter is that every minute of every day, someone somewhere will die. At some point in time, each and every one of us will ultimately die. Since this is an irrefutable fact, the part of me that always searches for the silver lining in every cloud can see an obvious way that each of us can create beauty from our own deaths....by registering to become an organ and/or tissue donor. In my opinion, to die and not leave the precious gift of life to someone like Brittany who so deserves her chance is to squander perhaps the greatest opportunity any one of us has to be the kind of person most of us aspire to be....one who is willing to help another.

There are so many myths and URBAN LEGENDS in the African-American community that are used to justify why more of us don't donate our organs following death. Myths like [GOD not welcoming us back without all the parts HE sent us here with] or [the hospital allowing individuals who could have been saved to die so they can harvest the organs for transplant if indeed it is discovered that the person has registered to donate his/her organs]. These reasons for why many of us hesitate to give the greatest gift anyone could possibly give don't hold water. If it would displease GOD for us to return to HIS KINGDOM without everything HE sent us here with, then most of us (men included) had better start gathering all of the hair we have cut or shaved off over the course of our lifetimes and those of you who have required appendectomies or tonsillectomies, I hope you hung onto the organ so you can get into the KINGDOM when the time comes. Let me assure you that the process of harvesting organs and tissues for transplant is one that is tightly regulated by state and federal law and as such in the litigious society in which we live, there is no risk of a health care provider allowing someone whose life could be saved to expire in order to procure their organs or tissue.

If the goal of faith in GOD is to become more like HIM, what better way than to be one who plays a role in giving life. I think most of us would agree that the power to give the gift of life is GOD's greatest power. Organ donation in a small way, allows each of us to be more like GOD. Many of us ask ourselves on a daily basis "What would Jesus do?", you know what I'm talking about...WWJD? Without attempting to speak for Jesus, I would venture that if HE could save a life by organ donation, that is EXACTLY what Jesus would do.

The only hope that Brittany and many others like her have of survival is to receive an organ transplant. However, the fact that she is African-American decreases her chances of a suitable match significantly because the pool of African-American registered donors is very small. Additionally, the fact that diseases such as hypertension and diabetes are so rampant in the Black community means that the pool of available donor candidates is diminished even more. This makes Brittany's situation critical. Though compatible matches can be found for Black recipients amongst donors of different races, the odds of finding a match are increased amongst those of the same race. Registering to become an organ donor in the event of death is very simple. In most states, an individual can complete the donor information on the back of their driver's license. In Missouri, registration can be completed at this website. It is also important to make your family aware of your wish to be an organ/tissue donor in the event of your death. Living organ/tissue donation is as simple as contacting your local transplant center and letting them know you are willing to be typed and tested as a potential donor for either someone you know or a stranger who will never forget you.

One of the things that Everson Walls said as he shared the story of his experience as a donor was that one of the reasons he felt compelled to donate his kidney was because he and his family have been blessed with health because unlike many Black families in our communities, diabetes and kidney disease does not run in his family. He felt that he had no choice but to share his blessing of health with his friend. I felt the same way when I made my decision to donate my kidney to my brother. Blessings are meant to be shared and to be appreciated.

Wouldn't you love to give the gift of good health or the ultimate gift, the gift of life by considering living organ/tissue donation or registering to be an organ donor in the event of your death?

There is NO GREATER GIFT one can give!

Oh, by the way....

Tomorrow, January 6th is my brother Dee's 48th birthday! Though I have no way of knowing if he would be here to celebrate it or not had we not undergone organ transplantation, I DO KNOW that the fact that we did certainly gave him an increased chance that he would be here tomorrow to read these words

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG BROTHER!

I LOVE YOU!!!