I exist, therefore I am...and now you're telling me I have to have a purpose too?

A certain curly-headed lurker called me up last night to ask me questions about the concept of "purpose" in one's life. We had quite an extensive discussion about this ideology, and before I realized it was happening, I had discovered that in some wierd transmutation of the universe, I truly don't believe that each of us has a singular purpose so to speak to fulfill during our time here on earth!

Now before passing sentence on me and banishing me from ever even speaking the title of Mr. Warren's book aloud again, please bear with me while I try to explain my shocking perspective.

While it is important to understand that I am without question a person who is quite driven in life, I believe it is equally important to understand that I am not necessarily driven in quite the same way that many profess themselves to be driven, i.e. by purpose. A hard worker by upbringing and an over-achiever by nature (or so my son says), I am driven by myself and my response to my personal work ethic along with a desire to never be the proverbial "dumbass" in any room to do what I must to excel in every endeavor I attempt.

Tonight, while hanging quietly in my room reading blogs and trying to come up with a topic for this post, my beautiful, intelligent, and remarkably self-contained [especially for a 24 year-old] Goddaughter [the afore-mentioned curly-haired lurker] called to ask me my opinions on my personal purpose in life. Remembering what 24 was like, I was actually somewhat hesitant to share my views on purpose with her for fear that it would derail her from the path that 24 year olds inevitably find themselves traveling. After a short amount of introspections, I decided to do what I always do when it comes to this amazing individual and give her the unvarnished truth as I see/live it.

I explained to her that in my opinion, "Purpose" as a concept is quite overrated. Let me try to explain what I mean by this statement...

1. I believe that too many people spend too much time and exert way too much energy "looking for their purpose in life". In my opinion, purpose is something that is specific to wherever an individual is at any given moment in life and as such is a different thing for the same individual depending on the stage of life they may be in at any given time. That means that like most things in life, a person's purpose probably changes as a consequence of all of the other changes that are constantly happening in one's life. This being the case, it would seem to me that this idea of one's "Purpose" being the singular defining reason for why they were sent to this earth in the first place is way too big to accommodate any phenomenon with such a huge propensity for change.
   
2. If one does decide to take the position that we each have a specific singular purpose we are supposed to fulfill while here, a look down the road and into a future where that purpose has or has not been fulfilled results in a couple of questions that I believe it is important to answer. In scenario I, one fulfills his/her purpose by the ripe old age of 30...what's next? If purpose is a singular, overriding, and defining reason for why we are here, what is left for the individual who manages to find and fulfill his/her purpose quickly? Do they get a new purpose? Do we all get more than one? If we each have a singular purpose for which we were put here, what is this individual supposed to do with the rest of his/her life? What happens now? In scenario II, let's assume the individual never discovers nor fulfills his/her purpose...what happens here? Does this mean this person's life has been a waste and he/she is a failure at life? Should he/she continue to try to "find" a purpose or should he/she just give up and accept their perceived failure? If he/she does find "a new purpose" does that mean that they were mistaken about what they thought was their purpose before, or is this so-called "new purpose" a cop out? The fact that in either of these scenarios the individual is left to figure out what to do next seems to belie the idea of a singular purpose in any of our lives.
   
3. Another issue I have with the concept of a singular purpose is that for far too many people, purpose seems to relate to their occupation or vocation when in my view of the world if one were to be given a singular purpose to fulfill, I would think it would be connected to things that bring more value to the average individual's life than what we do to cover the cost of living. Though I fully understand that some of us actually do work at jobs that we truly love and that we find fulfilling, it is my belief that the mass majority of us work at jobs that are just that jobs...and have very little to do with any greater purpose our lives may have.

I could continue building this list of reasons why I don't personally subscribe to the idea of a singular purpose in my own life, but I won't because who has time for all of that? I will add this point from my own personal experience here on earth that just might shed a little more light on my views. If I were asked to define my own singular purpose in life if indeed I have one, I would have to say that it would be to have been my son's mother. However, this is something I would answer with the wisdom of the perspective of hindsight working for me. When I discovered that I was pregnant almost 20 years ago, I can assure you that I felt absolutely no sense of this pregnancy possibly being the first step to me fulfilling any purpose I might have been given in this life. Even as I raised this fantastic little boy to manhood, I still felt no sense of this being my purpose though I admit to having enjoyed doing this one thing more than anything else I've done. Additionally, now that my son is a man and well on his way to being on his own in the world, if being his mother was the singular purpose assigned to me by the cosmos or whatever entity is responsible for assigning purpose, does that mean I'm done now? Of course it doesn't, and for this reason more than anything else maybe, I don't buy into the idea of a singular purpose in life.

Not subscribing to the idea of a singular purpose has made my life easier in many ways in my opinion. I have spent virtually no time in the past 43 years comparing myself to others as it relates to where I happen to be at any point in my life. I don't find myself looking at those who have attained educational goals that I still aspire to achieve and thinking that they have done a better job of deciphering and attaining their purpose in this world. I don't look at married couples and think they are further along the path to fulfilling their purpose than I am. I don't find myself falling into depressions with the advent of my birthday each year because I am not where I thought I'd be by "x" date or point in time; to the contrary, I anticipate each birthday with the same excitement I had for my birthday as a child. As a matter of fact, though I spend a significant amount of time planning for my future, I DO NOT have a 5, 10, 15... or any other number of years plan; don't get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with making these kinds of plans...I simply don't do them. I definitely make plans for myself and my future such as my current "plan" to become a published author (I'm already a writer ;) within the calendar year running from February 1, 2008 to January 31, 2009. Notice I am writing that very specific and measureable goal here in the public realm for each of you to read and if you want attempt to hold me accountable to achieving. As I write it, I fully expect to fulfill this goal; however, if I don't, such is life...I'll change the "complete by date" and try again with absolutely no shame in my game regardless of what any of you might have to say about it! LOL!

If I believe in the concept of a singular purpose at all, I'd have to say it is with a caveat. I believe that if indeed we have a singular purpose in life, it must minimally be similar to the way other positive characteristics are assigned to us...things like beauty, intelligence, personality, etc. I think if indeed we each have a purpose in life, that purpose whatever it may be is not assigned to each of us to the same degree. What I mean by this is that much like physical beauty is possessed by each of us to some degree, some possess more and some possess less, purpose in my opinion probably operates much the same way. This explains to my satisfaction those people I meet on rare occasions who seem to be doing exactly what fulfills them and utilizes the gifts they possess to the utmost potential. These individuals are to purpose what Halle Berry and Dorothy Dandridge (according to many) was to the idea of black, feminine beauty. This also reinforces for me why for the majority of us for whom purpose is not so obviously an identifiable gift, spending inordinate amounts of time and energy trying to discern it might not be a sensible idea.

The take-away folks is that purpose should be a good thing in one's life. It should focus us on the creation of goals and objectives that if achieved should hopefully enrich our lives. At the same time, as it focuses us, our purpose should be flexible and capable of being adjusted, modified, or even scrapped without leaving us to feel we have failed or even worse, that we are failures. Purpose should inspire us to do great things, not convict us about the things we are doing. In too many cases, I find that those "purpose driven individuals" that I personally know are much too hard on themselves. They are often found stressing over how much of their lives have passed with them not yet having identified their purpose...or worse, they are distraught over the thought that they may never be able to fulfill the purpose they believe they have identified. So much energy focused on something that should be a positive influence in our lives and yet seems so often to be such a negative force in our lives can't be a good thing. So as a happily purposeless woman, I'd like to offer the following suggestions...

RELAX and let yourself do whatever it is that you do!

If indeed we each do have a specific singular purpose to fulfill, it will surely find us so don't stress over it. If we each have multiple purposes to fulfill, I am sure those will find us too. Even if the final verdict is that there is no such thing as purpose, that's okay too because if each of us are doing whatever it is that we do, I assure you that we will be doing what it is we are supposed to be doing and in my opinion, none of us can expect any more from ourselves than that!

So let me hear from you now...Do you believe you have a singular purpose? Have you identified it yet? Is it something you expect to be able to identify? Have you fulfilled it yet? What if you never find it...what then?