Okay peeps, here's my story...
See what had happened waz I made a new friend who I like a whole, whole lot. My new friend is a guy and regardless of what y'all might be thinking right now he really is a new friend even if he does also happen to be a guy ;)
What was that? Is he a boyfriend? Are we romantically involved? The answers to these questions are as follows:
- I MET A NEW FRIEND!
- No!
- No!
However, if I am completely honest with myself, I'd have to say that there are definitely moments when I think that I'd like the answers to those last two questions to be yes and yes! As most of you know, I have recently (like in less than a year ago) gotten out of a pretty intense relationship, so based on that, I'm truly trying to take things slowly for a minute as I feel the need to regroup and find my own center again. Nevertheless, I can say that the possibilities presented by this new friendship could definitely include a romance down the line as far as I'm concerned!
Since meeting, we have spent huge amounts of time talking to each other and as of late, we've also spent a good amount of time in each other's company though no romantic liaisons have been formed. Also, it is important to note that it has only been a few days (since Sunday) that we have not talked or spent time together and I'm sure it is just a consequence of us both being busy and working opposite schedules. So what is the point of this post you ask? Simply put, it is this...spending time together and having such great (and long, on average 4-6 hours long) conversations have quickly become things I enjoy doing with him. I've already developed such a fondness for the times we share with each other that I look forward to them and when they don't occur as regularly as I'd like them to, I find that I miss them/him. I am a woman who loves consistency. I crave it like some women crave chocolate. I love forming habits that are good for me, and I'm sure that spending lots of time with this particular person is very, very good for me.
Most of y'all probably won't believe this isn't about lust...well of course there are moments when it very well might be about lust, but I swear that most of the time it is simply about wanting to spend more time doing what I have come to love doing so much...being in his presence.
So I ask y'all, under these circumstances where there is no official relationship other than a pretty cool azz developing friendship is it alright to want/wish for consistency? In the absence of a romantic liaison (even though sometimes I feel a very definite romantic spark) is it okay to miss him? If it is alright to miss him, is it alright to let him know he is missed? If it isn't alright to let him know he is missed, why isn't it? Is that playing games?, ('cause if it is, I don't do that)...Finally, if it isn't appropriate to let him know he is missed, at what point does it become okay if indeed it ever does?
I know one thing is real, whether or not it actually applies to my situation, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS SONG...both when it was originally recorded by John Waite as well as Tina's version which I am providing for y'all right here...ENJOY!
I am adding this poem to this post b/c I made a promise to a friend to publish ALL poetry that I write to publish on other blogs, somewhere on this blog TOO...
2am
The loudest quiet ever is 2am.
When you’re lying there;
eyes squeezed shut, wishing
the phone would ring. Wishing
you were not in bed alone. Wishing
2am was not so loud that it kept keeping you awake.
The brightest darkness occurs at 2am.
When dazzling light appears;
from behind your eyelids shining
so brightly you can’t sleep. Shining
the dull façade of heartache. Shining
the dark of night to the glare of noon, keeping you awake.
The most enthusiastic sadness happens at 2am.
When despair captures you;
and visits upon you its willing
victim, tears and fears. Willing
you to wallow in sorrow. Willing
you to relinquish optimism and hope while keeping you awake.
Hold on…with the morning comes renewal.
© Sharon J. All Rights Reserved 2008
11 comments:
Gurl new friendships are beautiful...and i feel ya, you smiling, got somebody who enjoys your company and vice-versas...and then, a little distance. Now 2-3 days is not that long, but i feel ya on the consistency thing...breathe lady, no games have to be played, but for some reason when we show our cards, our "miss you", "kinda liking you", cards...the game begins...just saying...step back up to that mirror, and tell yourself some things.
This [post was refreshing. It seems that people don't like to take the time to be friends anymore. The key word here is, TIME.
So I say... take your time, and enjoy the good convos. Afterall, you two are still getting to know each other. And I am sure he knows you enjoy him... and vice versa. I am sure of that. Nothing wrong with feelings, girl, but uh, don't get over into the game playing... we too old for that!
I love what my Pahtnah has to say and for the most part I agree. But there is also a component of me that says life is short and you only have one.
It is mad cool to have someone to vibe with, male or female. And who among us does not like consistency? In most areas of life, we want to know what to expect and easily become reliant on the regularity of some things.
You don't have to ask permission to miss someone. It is an emotion that comes from inside you. It is what it is. As far as telling him, Miz could be right, but I think if you tell a person where you're coming from right up front, there is actually less likelihood of games (on both your parts) down the road. There is no substitute for good communication.
Whether this stays platonic, or flowers into a romance for the ages, by telling him where you're at, there can be no accusations of guile and you're laying out for him to see who you really are. The trouble starts when we try to behave one way, to gain or to send messages, then later the "real you" shows up (because it never stays hidden for long). If he's down with it, you proceed together. If not, better to know sooner than later.
Either way, if he's spending that much time with you, I would suspect he feels you too...
@ Miz: Thanx for the feedback sistah and I am definitely taking your "step up to the mirror and tell yourself some things" advice! I am not nor have I ever been a woman who "plays the games" that seem to abound in relationships and romances. I say what I mean and feel for the most part and have often been told by those outsiders looking in (read: my gurls) that I am "too intense" for this reason.
However, in this case, I am so enjoying the vibe that I want to do whatever I can not to endanger the developing friendship, especially since at this point no romantic involvement is even a part of the mix.
Thanks again for your thoughts!
@ Ladylee: Once again my friend you show up bringing that no-nonsense voice of reason that I need in my world! I know you are completely on point and as we have had verbal discussions, I know you know where my head is at.
You are right without question regarding being too old to play games, and for that reason, I wrote this post b/c as you know a big part of me (perhaps the biggest part) feels to not say anything/not admit that I miss him is in itself "game playing" so thanx for your take!
As I said in the post, it has only been a few days so it isn't like there is a bad situation brewing, I simply miss his company. He knows of this blog and could read this post at anytime and that does not worry me at all as to me what I feel is what I feel and it is not something I am intentionally or unintentionally attempting to keep him from knowing; simply something I am trying to better grasp for myself ;)
@ Soj G: I don't know if you get how much of a value blogging is to a sistah like me just for the mere availability of input from bruthahs like you! Your response was SO WHAT I WANTED/HOPED to hear from at least one brutha, and I agree with every word you wrote!
I am told so often (by both sistahs and bruthas) that being as up front as I am about how I think/feel "scares bruthas off", and some of my experiences support that theory. Oftentimes though, this feedback comes from many of those in my life who though in long-standing "relationships" are involved in "relationships full of game play" in which I would personally want no part!
However, here's the thing and from your comment I think you get it...if me being me "scares someone off" so to speak, isn't it better to know that sooner than later?
Thanks so much for reinforcing for me that there is at least one bruh out there who get's this. Whether or not the one in question gets it remains to be seen,(even though a previous incident would seem to indicate that he could-might); but the fact that you do means that somewhere out there more like you most likely exist; and it is for one of those that I will one day discover I am "The Missing Rib" that he seeks! ;)
oooh Sharon is going to get her some. LOL! Nawl seriously you should go with how your gut feels. If you want to take it to the next level do so. As women we have to start letting these guys know front and center how we are feeling. Let me know how it turns out.
As my Omega Brothers would say "Friendship is essential to the soul" Be in the moment and enjoy the now! I am cheering you on Twin!
interesting post...thanks for sharing.
looks like you're on you way to a great relationship...the communication seems to be there, although there has been a lapse here and there, but that's to be expected. sometimes that "lapse" is what's needed, to emotionally dream and ponder the relationship's future. right now, take it nice & easy and go with the flow...keep in mind, it takes two to tango and within all this communication, i'm sure going out to dinner, meeting somewhere, etc will inevitably happen but just go slow. maybe he's feelin' you in the same accord and if he's reading this post/comments..things will either speed up or fall off.
then at least you know you're not wasting your time and can make a move and not be stagnant pondering what?
congrats on the new connection. i love the post. the tina turner video was beautiful.
now - i don't know much about much & am late, to boot;-). but i do know this: Brothers LOVE confidence! so, keep smiling & being your cool azz self - let life take care of itself! Oh, and Sharon u should do the same! LOL!
You are singin' my song with this poem sis!
Post a Comment