Right now, my life seems to be all about waiting. Waiting for things to happen. Now mind you, the things I am waiting for are all great things, but still, waiting is waiting is waiting and I have never been a fan of the activity.
As those of you who come here regularly already know, the love of my life graduated high school earlier this summer. No, I am not a cradle-robber....well, technically I have been before and might be again but that's a story for another post (LOL!). No, for those of you just crawling out of your caves, the love of my life thus far is my son Ryan.
Ryan will be leaving for his freshman year at college this month. The countdown has begun, leaving just ten (10) short days between now and the beginning of his real life on August 13th 2008; a life in which the metaphysical unbilical cord that has kept us connected for the past almost 19 years will finally be severed for all time, propelling him into a separate and independent future all his own.
I'm holding up pretty well all things considered. After all, Ryan is my only biological child though my other son, Tony holds as definitive a place in my heart as does Ryan. Thanks to Tony, ( the only child of my ex-ex-ex fiance (a.k.a. Triple-X), yes, we were engaged THREE times ;) I have experience at this "send your son to college thing", and I know I can do it. That doesn't change the fact that it will be completely surreal getting used to the idea of my baby MAN not coming home every night.
I find myself wondering how long it will take before I can sleep through the night without activating my "mother hearing" to listen for the door opening and closing letting me know that Ryan is safe and sound in his mother's home.
I know without a doubt that some things I'll never get used to....like not having my 265 pound, 6 foot two inch baby MAN crawl up into the other side of the King-sized bed in which I sleep to tell me about his Saturday night escapades once he wakes up on Sunday mornings after having just found his way home a few short hours before. Without question, I know I will miss for an eternity the times when he and I sit for hours on quiet rainy or snowy weekends alternating between sleep and watching / dissing each other's taste in TV and movies until by some act of supreme will we find something on the boob-tube that suits both of our tastes. Most of all, I know there will never come a day that I will get used to entire days in which my amazing baby MAN does not knock on my bedroom door to ask if I will be disturbed by his playing the piano. I have long been amazed that he could ever believe the sound of him playing the piano could ever disturb me when next to his childhood giggle, it is the most awesome sound I've ever heard. Wanna hear it, here it go...
Ryan playing one of his original compositions
How am I ever supposed to get used to not hearing that wonderful sound around the house everyday? My son is a veritable genious and if you don't believe me, know this, he composed that piece he was playing AND taught himself to play the piano by ear AND DOES NOT READ MUSIC EVEN NOW! It is only one of his multiple talents, and I am constantly trying to figure out from where does he get this seemingly bottomless pool he possesses that is the source from which all of these amazing artistic talents spring?
Well, the countdown clock is ticking away, and in less than two weeks the love of my life and I will trail each other in separate cars to Illinois where I will help him to get situated in his dorm room with his new room mate. Then we will hit up the local Wally World to get the knicks and the knacks that will turn his new space into a surrogate for home. Finally, I'll stock him up on all his favorite "dorm-appropriate" foods and take he and his roomie out for dinner and then with as much decorum and composure as I can muster, I will turn my physical back and walk away from my baby MAN without looking back....though ONLY my physical back will be turned and a single, solitary wimper or snap of my baby MAN's fingers will bring me back to him in a flash because as I hope all y'all already know, THAT'S JUST WHAT GOOD MAMAS DO!!!
The other major event that I am waiting for is not scheduled to happen until November 21st, 2008. That is the day that me and 30 or so of my beloved friends and family members [including my amazing baby MAN] set off on the vacation of a lifetime. Do you know how many days there are between then and now? Wanna know? Now you do....
MySpace Countdown Clocks
