Tuesday, January 01, 2008

2007....The Year In Review

Tuesday, January 1st, 2008!
WOW! Just like that, another year gone. Realizing it has been quite some time since I've been heard from around these parts, I doubt if anyone besides me will ever read any of what I write today. That doesn't matter though as I feel the absolute need to re-cap what has been a critically life-changing year in my life so that I can re-visit it in the future just to reinforce how very far I have travelled from where the year 2007 took me.

Without question, I don't ever recall having lived through a year that was quite like the year 2007 turned out to be for me. Though most people in my shoes would say that 2007 was a "bad year", I happen to believe that any year in which I am blessed to inhale and exhale qualifies as a good year. The picture at the beginning of this post is one of me presenting my Grandmother the "Mother of the Millenium" award on behalf of my family. I chose to use this particular picture on this post because I feel that I too deserve an award for having navigated all the trials that came into my life with 2007 without losing the me that I love for long.

The year began as one of the happiest I have ever known as I was happily in love with the person with whom I believed I would spend the rest of my life. It seems impossible now that I ever believed him to be "THE ONE" as he turned out to be everything BUT what he represented himself to be. Unfortunately, the unraveling of this relationship defined much of 2007 for me and thus the year will always be remembered as one of the most pain-filled years I've ever lived through. I had my only true experience with betrayal, and it was like nothing I've ever experienced. Though I have typically been involved in long-term, deeply emotional relationships, no other break-up ever took me out of my game like this one did; and for the first time in my life, I felt that I would have been better off never having known the person with whom I was involved. Following a couple attempts to make things work out and to convince my "other half" to try being honest with everyone involved (himself included), I finally came to the realization that I was not dealing with a person who had any personal integrity nor sense of responsibility for anyone else's feelings other than his own. After a great deal of soul searching, I took the necessary steps to end the situation; it came down to saving the relationship or saving my sanity as I found myself faltering for the first time ever at everything including being the best mother I could be to my son and excelling at work.

The deepest depression I've ever experienced followed, making me question myself at every turn. I could not understand how I could have so severely misjudged the character of someone I had known and loved for so terribly long...more than 20 years. Even worse, for a time I didn't feel that I knew who I was. Never before, and hopefully never again if I am as blessed as I have always believed myself to be, will I ever allow any outside influence to make me feel the way this person left me feeling about myself. Described virtually since birth as a person with the highest possible level of intrinsic self-esteem and mountainous self confidence, I didn't trust myself to decide what I wanted to eat for dinner. Thankfully, I was never alone as GOD as HE always does, was standing guard over me.

Looking back at some of the posts I wrote on this blog during my lowest points, I am amazed by the depths of what I was feeling. However, as always GOD sent his ANGELS to pull me through. Angels named Ryan, Angie, Ladylee, DJ Diva, Jackie, Mama and a host of others rescued me. Some of my angels were aware of what they were doing, while others without knowing it were being sent to help me get through, over, or around obstacles they might not even have known existed.

Though I stopped writing here after awhile because I was worrying the people who love me and read this blog more than I was helping myself, I began a new blog for Ryan's football team which turned out to be just the ticket. I threw myself into my son's football season and found that what always holds true held true; focusing on something other than myself and what I was going through made all the difference.

I have said it before and I'll repeat it here.....the best gift I have ever been given, is the gift of my son Ryan. He will never know how many times he and he alone has saved my life! I worked with a group of senior football moms to coordinate the support activities for the Varsity football team this season. I had the time of my life as my son's team went 6-4 which though not as exciting for some as last year when they went all the way to the state championship game, was a blast for the team as well as me. I worked with students at the school to increase the school spirit around the football team and with the help of the student body, helped to lift team morale when the team was faced with a three game losing streak after winning the first game of the season against a perennial state powerhouse. With our help, the team fought back and pulled themselves out of a slump that might have killed the will of a lesser team. My memories of my son's last season of high school football are something that I will cherish forever. I know this precious time in my son's life has made the wonderful bond my son and I have always shared even stronger, as I became a major part of his football experience.

The last two months of the year have restored me to more than my former self. As they say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger....". I have a refreshed outlook on my life. I once again feel the joy of the blessings that have always been bestowed upon me; even during those times that I felt I had nothing good going for myself.

I have even decided to go back to sporting my natural hair instead of continuing to perm and process it with the multitude of chemicals I have used over the years up to now. Perm-free since September first 2006, I have finally gotten to the point that all of the relaxed hair has grown out and/or been cut from my head. As my mother began with the "press and curls" when I was 5 or 6 years old and moved on to perms around the time I was twelve, I like most black women in America have no true recollection of what it was like to care for my OWN natural hair texture. I have been pleasantly suprised by how much I find myself revelling in my own natural hair textures (of which my head has about four). I plan to continue to care for it without the aid of the harsh chemicals that I believe have caused it to become thin and unhealthy. Other than that, my plan is to allow it to

(Sharon's natural hair....January 1, 2008)

"do what it do"!

I am definitely stronger and more importantly, I am grateful. I am grateful that even in the face of losing that which I most desired, I learned that I am NEVER alone and that I will always have the blessing of those who truly love me to pull me through whatever hardships I am asked to face. I am grateful that the joy for life and the sheer happiness I have always felt as I awaited whatever is next for me has returned even though there was a time when I never thought it would. Most of all, I am grateful that in HIS infinite wisdom, GOD chose me who was strong enough to come through this year instead of someone else who was not. I would not wish what I experienced on my worst enemy, but I feel a sense of pride and accomplishment in myself for having found my way to the other side of it all.

Like all years do, 2007 has quickly evaporated, and with it I have sent all of the bad feelings I experienced while it was here. I am excited and hopeful as 2008 shows me its beautiful face and all of the wonderful adventures it has in store for me. No matter what happens, the silver lining is (and of course there's always a silver lining ;) that if I didn't know it before I know for certain now that


(Sharon on New Years Eve December 31st, 2007 ready to ring in 2008 in style!)



DJ Diva said...

You certainly are phenomenal!!!

I love the new hair...It's workin gal!

We do come out better on the other side...and I can hear that all in your confident voice!

I'm no angel...just a friend... who's gonna stick through it with you!

Glad to see you back...glad to see you're ok...glad to see Sharon.

Things are going to be great in 08!!!

Sharon said...

Hey Diva,

Thanks for stopping through! As always your well wishes are much appreciated but I do have one thing to say in response. When I say you're an angel, just shut-up and be an angel and don't try to argue with me about it....you know Ms. Just Write Now don't play that mess and your know I'm RIGHT! LOL!!!!

Love ya much and I hope the holidays were wonderful for you, Scribe, and your beautiful daughters.

Luke Cage said...

YEESSSS! Sharon's back, Sharon's back, Sharon's back! Happy New Year luv. You are looking STUNNING. The hair is definitely you. And I love short hair too. Now, lets see some more of those happy posts of yours. Have a great evening miss.

Rose said...

Sharon thanks so much for sharing this post! It helps even when you least realize it. What great lessons you have learned about yourself and others. I wish you nothing but peace, love and happiness throughout the new year.

Rose said...

Forgot to mention that you look stunning on your pictures and I love the hairdo.

Anonymous said...

Sharon! I am so glad you are back. More importantly, I am so glad that YOU are back...and looking FAB I might add. I really missed you:0 You are inspiration come to life.

Safa said...

UGGHH, Sharon I am NOT anonymous! It's Safa and I'm lunchin'...