Wednesday, September 05, 2007

If I can't trust me....who can I trust?

My heart is heavy y'all. It is almost 12:30am and I should be sleep because very shortly I have to be on the road for the lovely Mecca better known as Bettendorf, Iowa where Ms. Just Write Now will be working tomorrow for a colleague who is out on medical leave. This means that Ms. Just Write Now will have to be up and in her car for the four hour drive in less than six hours and what is she doing instead of sleeping? She is up writing this meaningless post because right now, Ms. Just Write Now feels anything but Just RIGHT Now.


I know that when one ends a relationship, they can expect some good days and some bad. That is not the problem. The real problem is that I have always been a person who relies on her ability to "read" people. I've always been confident in my ability to determine when someone has my best interests at heart and when they don't; subsequently enabling me to act accordingly in my dealings with that individual. So as I try to navigate my way through the emotional ups and downs of this break-up, I find myself also having to come to terms with the discovery that I may not be as good a judge of the character of others as I have always believed myself to be. This is difficult enough to handle when the person who betrays you is new in your life; however, when it comes from someone you've known, loved, and trusted for half of your life, it is a devastating blow let me tell you.


In my 42 plus years on the planet, I have managed to learn something from just about every situation I have found myself in; thereby making even the negative experiences worthwhile. I have prided myself on not allowing these "negative" experiences to embitter me. That has always been a goal of mine, to always "DO ME" regardless of what I am dealing with or receiving from others. I am trying my best to hold on to that right now, but a HUGE part of me wants to try "DOING A NEW ME", a me who would not take this in stride and who would strike back. I'm hurting pretty badly at this particular moment, and though I know it will pass [and knowing me pretty quickly], right now I need some peace or minimally to at least fantasize about returning the favor that has been bestowed upon me....


I know and love GOD and I know HE is there watching over me. I also know that GOD helps those who help themselves, and this is what I am desperately trying to do....help myself. So if anyone can answer this question without suggesting I lean on my faith or GOD's wisdom because those are a given, I would appreciate it more than I will ever be able to demonstrate:


"What do you do when you are left feeling you can't truly trust your own judgement?"

9 comments:

LadyLee said...

"What do you do when you are left feeling you can't truly trust your own judgement?"

What do you do? I tell you what you do... Don't let this be an indictment of yourself or your inabilities to be a good judge of character. As you have said here in this post yourself "I have always been a person who relies on her ability to "read" people. I've always been confident in my ability to determine when someone has my best interests at heart and when they don't". The words "always" and "confident" jump out at me. Don't let this situation erase your faith in yourself and and your abilities to be a good judge of character. Please don't. You saw some isshas here with the relationship, and you saw those problems with the passage of TIME. And TIME never lies. To me, that does make you a good judge of character... just because it was not an "immediate" read, means nothing.

Break-ups are terribly emotional beasts, because we become so emotionally and spiritually connected to another... It's like losing a piece of your heart, a pain greater than physical loss, even. I know you will get through it in time.

Sorry for rambling Oldgirl, but I hate to see you so down... Call me if you need to talk, anytime day or night. You got my numbers. ~LL.

sterlinglady said...

…what do you do?...Sharon you already have the answers. You have been shaken, but not shattered. You have to pick yourself up and get right back on that horse again. Like you said let EVERY situation make you better not bitter. It’s okay to take some time to evaluate things and console yourself, but when the dust settles you will realize that this was just another attempt to make you doubt yourself. You said it, you have ALWAYS been a strong, wise, confident woman and you have to realize that’s just what you are. Do not doubt it, don’t question it, just know that you know that you know who you are, whose you are, and what you stand for. Then stand tall with your head held high an continue being the phenomenal woman that you are.

DJ Diva said...

I went through something similar right before I met Scribe...remember Honey?

I may not have known him for half my life but For the 5 years I did know him...I thought I KNEW him knew him...

Not so...

What did I do when i was left feeling I couldn't trust my judgement?

I picked my ass up and kept it moving. I went through a period of spiritual reawakening...and I tried to make better choices. I still trusted in my judgement because I knew that being human...I am bound to make mistakes...and I have made alot of em LOL....

But I kept trying...trying to believe that my sound judgement and reasoning would work eventually. But I never stopped believing in myself....and you can't either Sharon...

You were Right for wanting and desiring love...he was just the wrong one at the time....

When I was with the Angry Dwarf and going through all sorts of changes with him...his father told me somthing that never left me...he said "when it's your time...you will meet someone who wants what you want and when you want it and how you want it. You won't have to go through any drama because you'll both be on the same page"

I thought at the time that he was just trying to get me to leave his son...but that 70 something year old dude really shared a nugget of wisdom with me that night.

Sorry for the blog post in your comments LOL

Sharon said...

Ladies,

All of your comments are much appreciated, and believe it or not, they actually resonated with me. It is funny how difficult it is to remember what you KNOW when you are in the midst of some emotional cloud. Thank you to each of you for giving me a gentle reminder of the things I know. Sometimes, that is all you need!

Nikki said...

I look at a relationship that has ended the same way I do as when you fall and skin your knee. Yeah, it may leave a scar, but that scar eventually heals. Sometimes scars can stay with you for life, but when you look at it, smoothed over and healed, you realize that you can go on.

Safa said...

Sharon I have to agree with all the previous commentors. Additionally, I don't think ithas as much to do with not being able to trust your judgement as much as some people evolving to all new kinds of shadiness and deceitfulness. Finally, some may disagree with me but I say keep visualizing and fantasizing about "striking back"... the more graphic the better:)...I'm serious! Please accept this ((hug)) and I hope time does heal this quickly. Also, don't try a "new me". You are great as is!

Luke Cage said...

Simply put, I would look back to all of the times that you trusted your judgement and everything worked out positively. That inclination, that tug or merely call it a "woman's intuition" or 6th sense. Whatever the name that is given to it, it worked many times in the past I'm sure. Now, if you are able to tap into the times that it did work and they outweighed the times that you didn't trust your judgement, you will truly have your answer. Be well dear.

Xavier Pierre Jr. said...

Just fall back on your principals. It is all you should do. Often it is all you can do. And it is something that is ALWAYS possible to do. I'll give you practical examples when next we speak.

XOX

Ali's Zay

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