Those THREE FATEFUL WORDS!

I am 41 years old and in exactly 4 months minus a day or two from this day, I will be 42 years old. In that time, there have been many moments in my life when I was granted the opportunity to say exactly what I wanted to say.

There was the time when my boss' boss wanted me, a pharmacist, to make him a cup of gourmet coffee and I got to explain that the only reason he even had the audacity to suggest that I should make the coffee (in the gourmet deli located in the pharmacy where I was the chief pharmacist) was because I was a black female. I went on to point out that had I been a white, male pharmacist, [or technician for that matter], he would have waited for the deli staff to arrive and he would not even have considered asking me to undertake such a task.

Then there was the time that my son Ryan's teacher suggested that he should be put on medication for attention deficit disorder, to which I was able to submit for her consideration that a child who could lie beside his mother for two hours and read quietly to himself while she reads certainly did NOT have ADD. Furthermore, I suggested that maybe she might try to provide more of a challenge in her lesson plans so that Ryan as well as the other children in her class might feel more compelled to give her their attention.

As I said before, I have often had the opportunity to say exactly the words I have wanted to say. Even so, there is one phrase I have wanted to utter for some time ever since I first heard it spoken in one of my all-time favorite movies, "The Color Purple". Though I love this movie and have many catch phrases from it that I have utilized when the appropriate scenario presented itself, I have never been in the appropriate set of conditions for which my favorite phrase was indicated.

Well, will wonders never cease, because suddenly, and inexplicably, I find myself in just such a circumstance. Seemingly without warning and with no apparent reason except that GOD just decided that now is the time, I am finally and definitively on my way to being able to utter my favorite phrase from my favorite movie of all time. "What?", you might ask has caused the stars, sun, and moon to align themselves in such a manner to cause such an amazing opportunity to present itself. Well, it is the result of a very simple proposal. That's right folks, the PO has proposed. Even better, Ms. Just Right NOW! has said YES! And as a consequence of those two events, I will in less than one year (September 1, 2007....our wedding day) be able to utter those three fateful words in the tradition of Ms. Shug Avery before me.......

I'se Marryed Now!

She's BACKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Hopefully, some of you are still checking in here just in case I might show up. I TRULY HOPE SO. If you are, I'M BACK!!!! My mother has been so generous as to loan me the laptop my brother and I purchased for her a couple of years back as a gift until such time as I am able to get my own again.

All is well with me and slowly but surely I am getting back to my old self. I'm back at work and trying to readjust to life without naps! I'm finally out from under the mountain of work that was waiting for me when I got back and beginning once again to be more proactive as opposed to reactive when it comes to my approach to my job.

Things are great with Ryan. He is a starter on his school's varsity football team, and to date they are 7 and 1 on the season having lost only their first game this year. If they win two more games, they will make the state play-offs. The past summer has turned my big little boy into one heck of a responsible young man. He has completely impressed me this fall by getting himself up on his own and off to school on time to pick up the kid he drives in his carpool. He goes from school to football practice following which he drops his carpool buddy off at home. He arrives home around 8:15pm or so and after cleaning himself up and eating, he completes his homework without being told. His grades for the first quarter are exceptional, and as his amazed mother, I could not be more proud. Sometimes in life, we do things the way we are supposed to and get to see the end result of that. My son continues to reinforce the one thing I know for sure, I did the motherhood thing well, and he is no slouch in the sonhood department either!

The PO and I are still going strong. Things are going extremely well, and he is still venturing over the friendly skies down the I-70 connection to St. Louis on average about every two weeks. Though like all things in life, things are not perfect, they are still close enough to perfect that I find myself thanking GOD for the blessing that is my PO each and every day. More to come on this in upcoming posts.

So in a nutshell folks, I am alive and well. As is typical of my world, things are hectic, but as most of you know, that is the pace at which I tend to thrive. I will be posting regularly again barring any unforseen mishaps, and I sincerely hope that you all will come visit me as often as you used to before my unplanned, unfortunate disappearing act.

It Is His Birthday....So Why Do I Get The Best Gift?

I've spoken before about being given gifts that I have in no way, no how earned or maybe even deserved, and I'm here to tell you it has happened yet again!

46 years ago this Friday, a woman I didn't even know was in the process of bringing into the world one of the greatest gifts I would ever receive: The PO. What is even more amazing about the nature of this particular gift, was that even though he was being delivered for me and had been created for me, I had not yet been born myself! Everyday, every single day, I am overwhelmed, shocked, and awed by the amazing wonder and simple beauty of the plan that GOD has for each and everyone of us. To think that even before HE chose to send me to this glorious planet HE had created for us, HE decided to send me a gift to be here to welcome me more than 20 years after my arrival. AND OH WHAT A GIFT HE, MY PO, HAS TURNED OUT TO BE!

For 20+ years, we have been friends; checking in with each other over the years to catch up on our lives and share our triumphs, sorrows, and anything else that happened to fall out of our spirits. For the first time in all that time, we both found ourselves single at the same time this year and decided to get together just because we wanted to see each other and hang out. Who knew the spark would still be there, just as strong as it was when we first met? Since that short visit, he has traveled to see me or I he 5 or 6 times, and each time, things feel even more right than they did the last time. Some might say that we are moving toooooo fast into the unknown. I personally believe that we both realize that we are simply returning home.

Following my release from the hospital, the PO came and spent a week during which I never lifted a finger to do anything for myself. He cooked breakfasts, and made lunches, and prepared dinners, not only for me but for my family as well. He cleaned the kitchen when needed before cooking and cleaned it again afterwards too. If I made a move to get off of whichever sofa or bed I happened to be lying on during that time to get myself some juice or a snack or whatever, the PO would insist on getting it for me reprimanding me for my audacity as he went. Hell, I believe he would have gone to the bathroom for me if he could have (LOL!).

The storms that passed through town the week of the transplant surgery did significant damage to several of the trees in my yard. Without being asked and without any hint of a suggestion that he should from me, the PO took it upon himself to cut up and remove the tree debris from my yard. Keep in mind, that I have a HUGE teen-aged son and come from a large family with many men available to cut up trees if necessary. Unlike so many men, he never suggested Ryan should go out and clean up the yard; my PO took it upon himself never even asking for anyone to assist him, though I did send Ryan out to help when I realized what the PO was up to. I felt like the proverbial "damsel in distress", being rescued by her very own "knight in shining armor". Excuse me if any of you fellow liberated women of the new millenium feel I am setting women back a thousand years, but let me just say, that there is NOTHING sexier than a man who loves you doing back-breaking manual labor on your behalf for no other reason than the fact that he loves you. Even if I do cause the downfall of the movement itself, I'll take it!!!!

On the last night of his visit after we had spent the evening at an Earth, Wind, and Fire concert (that I'll never forget and he knows why ;), the PO came through again. My brother gave us a small scare causing us to rush him to the hospital ER about 11pm where we remained until about 3am when they informed us that they would be keeping my brother overnight. When my brother phoned two and a half hours after we had gone to bed to say he needed to be picked-up, my PO got up and dressed and went to pick him up. Though I had told the PO that he should stay home and get some sleep since he was leaving the next day he insisted on coming with us saying that he wouldn't have my brother thinking he didn't care about what was happening to him. And even though we had just gone to bed less than 3 hours before, he insisted on driving to pick my brother up even though there were other people available besides myself who could have done it. Oh my..... Could it really be that finally Ms. Just Write Now might actually be with someone who can make her feel Just Right Now?

The time that the PO spent with me following my surgery was probably the most trying time period I've experienced in as long as I can remember. If you ask me, he has experienced me at my worst as far as I am concerned. Typically the "leader, organizer, ring-leader, mastermind" in any situation, I was a basic wreck. Instead of being put off or run off by the me that was so far from the me he usually visited, my PO stepped up and became the rock I needed to get through my storms. THAT, I will never, ever forget. THAT for me was the best gift I could have received as I've always said that the one and only thing I ever wanted was to have someone who even if he could not fix my problems, would be willing to stand and hold my hand while I faced my problems. In the PO, I seem to have been blessed enough to find both!

So, to his mother who I have since met, I say "Thank You!". To all those who nurtured him along the way and turned him into the nurturing man I am privileged to love, I say "Thank You!". Even to the women who he loved before me; those who filtered through the crap of his youth and then gave him up just in time to be just right for me, I say "Thank You!". But most of all, to GOD, I say "Thank YOU! Thank YOU for loving me so much that you created my PO for me to love!".

To my PO, I say "For 20 years I have loved you, and now I have been granted the profound blessing and honor of having fallen in love with you as well. You have been my friend for almost as long as I can remember, and now you are my love. You have proven your comittment to me and my family in more ways than I can count, and and thus we all love you and you are a part of us. You make me feel like the African Queens from which I am descended every single day. In my eyes, you are the man who is not perfect, just perfect for me that I spoke of in "this post" , months before you and I reconnected. To put it simply:

YOU ARE A GIFT AND YOU BRING ME JOY!

How I hope I do the same for you.

Happy Birthday Baby, I have planned many surprises for this day and I hope you enjoy each and every one of them because you are a KING and deserve to be treated as such!

I LOVE YOU ALWAYS, Sharon

PS: Max Loves You Too!

Profile Pic

She's ALIVE!!!!

Hey Blog Fam,

Its yours truly, Ms. Just Right/Write Now! back to let you know that I have survived and at least from what I can see, all is right with the world!

I'm sorry for the delay in updating you all on my status, but the universe conspired to make posting a difficult proposition for a sista. First things first.....

The Surgery:
All went well! My brother and I both came through with flying colors and are getting back on our feet. It is absolutely true what they say about the procedure being more difficult on the donor than the recipient as my brother looks like he could run a marathon and I'm still creeping around dreading physical contact with anything. Following the surgery, I ran a fever for a night or two and also had a temporary failure of my right lung to reinflate. I know, some of you are probably saying "she is so full of hot air, that is probably a good thing." Not to worry friends of mine, the lung is fully reinflated at this point and the Microphone Queen is back in full effect as those of you who stick around will soon see ;)

THE STORM:
As many of you probably already know, St. Louis was hit by severe storms the week of our surgeries which resulted in a wide-spread power outage. If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times, yours truly doesn't have bad luck and she doesn't have good luck, just EXTRAORDINARY LUCK!! My house just so happened to be in the area hardest hit by the first two rounds of storms and as extraordinary luck would have it, my brother and I were released from the hospital just in time to enjoy 4 fun-filled days at my powerless ranch! Add to the joy of that situation the fact that my mother fell while leaving my house on the way to visit me in the hospital and broke her wrist in 2 places while my 17 year old cousin [while driving cross town to get perishable food unavailable in our area due to the blackout] was simultaneously involved in a serious car accident resulting in several of her upper teeth being broken/knocked out in addition to her arm being broken. I'm sure you get that this was not a fun time for my family. In the midst of this much confusion, it would be very easy to forget to be thankful for the blessings that had been bestowed upon my family that week; however, we all recognized the DEVIL at work and made special efforts to Praise GOD and THANK HIM for bringing ALL OF US through the trials of that week. We made it through everything that came our way including the apocolyptic conditions caused by the blackout [a topic about which I will blog later when I can upload pics], and found that we were stronger, closer, and more spiritually aware for the experience.

THE KID:
Ryan has really stepped up and helped his Mom and Uncle Dee during this recuperative period. Unbeknownst to both Dee and I until the moment of discharge, we have been forbidden to drive for a full month regardless of how good we may feel before that time comes. Thankfully, my gift of a car to my son and our joint dedication to securing his driver's license prior to the surgeries was a good move as he is now capable of chauffering both his uncle and myself to and from doctor's appointments as well as doing basic household tasks like grocery shopping. It looks like I've "trained him up right"!

THE MAN:
Things between me and the PO are progressing wonderfully, and I couldn't be happier. Following my operation, he arrived in town and along with my best friend Angie [whose dedication to me and my family over the last two weeks requires a post of its own and is worthy of the Congressional Medal of Honor] commenced to making sure that a sista did not lift a finger for any reason. From cooking to cleaning to cutting up the trees that were knocked down on my property due to the storms, my PO proved over and over again that he was "ALL IN" as they say. For me, there are no words to describe the feelings watching him take care of me and my family brought to the surface. Watch out world, I think I may finally be on to something GREAT!

THE COMPUTER:
As you can see, this post has no accompanying pictures which for me is almost sacriligious. At first, due to the power outage there was no electric available to charge my computer. Then, once the power was restored, the cable lines were out an additional week or so. Now, though my family, friends, and home seemed to pretty much survive the storms of the last couple of weeks virtually unscathed, my laptop has not been so lucky. It is unable to maintain or accumulate a charge due to a suspected crack in the motherboard which would cost more to repair than the cost to purchase a new laptop. Thus, I am reluctantly typing this blog post on my company laptop. As I judiciously adhere to a rule of not using company computer equipment for personal projects, this is something with which I am somewhat uncomfortable [I don't need "THE MAN" in my personal life ;)]. However, I don't know how long it will take for me to be able to afford to replace my laptop and not wanting to leave you all hanging indefinitely, I had to make this exception. I assure you, that my procuring a new personal computer is a top priority as I want to begin regular posting and get back to regularly reading my favorite bloggers. Please bear with me through this new challenge, and I promise that very soon, the Ms. Just Write Now you all have shown so much love over all these months will return in all her blogging glory as soon as she can! I'll be checking in as often as I can and hope to see comments left by all of you as you stop through.

Remember....IT IS ALL GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?!!!!!

Well the time has finally come....my brother and I check into the hospital tomorrow morning, Sunday, July 16th at 7am for pre-operative testing and will be wheeled into the surgical suites the next day, Monday, July 17th at 7am to undergo the actual, long-awaited kidney transplant. For those of you who believe yourselves to be prayer warriers, let the praying begin! In the interest of being specific, as you all already know, my name is Sharon and my brother's name is Roy [but we call him Dee]. Your prayers are both wanted and appreciated so advance heartfelt "Thank yous" to you all.

Right now, I'm doing okay if a bit frantic as I am compulsive in some ways whenever I am required to be away from home. I have this unsuppressible urge to leave my home sparkling clean as this is how I like to return to it; thus I am always in a cleaning frenzy before leaving home. As the mother of a teenaged boy who will be staying at home during my hospitalization, I also become somewhat obsessive about making sure he has plenty of food that he can prepare for himself in my absence which necessitates one of my least favorite tasks: a trip to the grocery store. Add to that, all that had to be handled to wrap up the loose ends at work until my return sometime around Labor Day, and suffice it to say, I am a bit hectic right now to say the least.

Emotionally, I'm holding up okay, but I have awakened in the middle of the night every night since last Saturday in a moderate panic. In an attempt to alleviate some of the anxiety I am feeling during these episodes, I did the only rational, logical thing I could think of:

1. I called the closest thing I have to a pastor (as I do not belong to a church), my close friend Traci. Traci is a minister of a church in Columbia, Missouri and though I know I was risking a lot as I awakened her at a time that only someone she truly loved could get away with, I called her anyway. As I knew she would, she talked me down from the ledge I was precariously hanging on to and returned my spirit to a place of peace. I Love You Traci!
2. I developed the following list:

Top Ten Reasons To Give Your Brother One Of Your Kidneys

10. Because African-Americans represent 33% of all the patients currently on dialysis due to kidney failure but only 11 - 18% of the patients who actually receive kidney transplants. This is at least partially due to the high rates of hypertension and diabetes in our race which drastically reduces the number of eligible donors, as well as the reluctance to be a donor amongst those who can qualify; a consequence of little to no awareness of the power some of us possess to help save and/or improve the quality of life of others.

9. Because you love your brother (Duh!).

8. Because you know it is the right thing to do and you always try to do the right thing.

7. Because you have two kidneys and your mother raised you not to be selfish.

6. Because you are almost out of vacation time at work and the doctors said this would be good for at least 4 to 6 additional weeks off from work.

5. Because you heard it was a great way to get flowers and you LOVE flowers.

4. Because if you are a "Boudoir Diva" like me [defined by Webster's as one who loves the idea of laying around in the bedroom (my favorite place on earf!) wearing pretty PJ's and satiny ling-A-Rie], then you already get it.

3. Because even though you're watching what you eat [as you eat TOO much of it], AND you got a personal trainer, you STILL need to lose 3 pounds.

2. Because sometimes the kidney hides behind the bottom rib [a.k.a. the "floating rib"] and it has to be removed; leaving you with Janet Jackson's body when you wake up....don't hate the playa, hate the game!

1. Because if you don't, you might hit hard times and decide to sell it on the black market for $10000, $15000, or $20000 which is on average what a good kidney goes for....wait, what the hell am I thinking....Hey Dee, we need to talk, see what had happened waz....

Anyway, after coming up with my Top Ten list, I felt infinitely better. Unless the hospital will let me access their wireless internet, I will be incommincado through next Friday. However, shortly thereafter, I plan to once again become the infamous Microphone Queen....the beloved moniker that Original Oldgirl Ladylee [who herself seems to be MIA] bestowed upon me. So, until then, please keep Ms. Just Write Now, her brother Dee, and her family at large [which includes each and everyone of you!] in your prayers.

Oh, and one more thing.....

Please BLOG like hell for the next 4 to 6 weeks as I will have nothing but time on my hands and reading the magic that spills forth from all of your beautiful minds is about the best thing [okay maybe not the best thing, but pretty damned close to the top of the list ;)] I can think of to do with it!

On Probation And Loving It!!!

To any of you still stopping by here at this point, I won't apologize again because even I realize that there comes a time when an apology simply won't cut it. I will simply say, that I will do everything in my power to become once again, the reliably consistent blogger I once was. Also, the transplant surgery has been moved up and is now scheduled to take place on Monday, July 17th so keep us in your prayers and look for me to be back to posting regularly during my recuperation for sure.

That said, I am here tonite to deliver the first of what I pray will be many installments over the years regarding the newly, re-discovered love of my life....a wonderful man who for the time being, will be known as "THE PROBATION OFFICER", or following the example of one of the supreme bloggers of our time, David Parrish of "Parrish, The Thoughts" , "THE PO"! So, without further ado, let us get into the meat of the thing....and by the way "Diva" , this one's for you!

Almost 22 years ago, during the summer following my first year of pharmacy school, I decided to remain in Nebraska [where I attended school] and work as a counselor/resident advisor for the Upward Bound Program instead of going home for the summer. Even so, I went home for two weeks between the end of the school year and the starting date for my position. When I returned, my best friend Angie had begun dating a well-known local DJ who was also a sergeant in the Air Force, and had decided to "fix me up" with his best friend when I returned for the summer. At this point, it is important to note the "back story". This was a time in my life, when I was everything but "girly". A tomboy from birth, I was completely at home in jeans, sweats, etc. and rarely even curled my hair. I had worn make-up a total of exactly once, for my senior prom, and the idea that I might even have "feminine wiles" with which to attract the attention of the opposite sex was completely foreign to me. Only having recently reached the ripe old age of 20, I was as inept in the art of "man-getting" as any woman could ever possibly be. Though I had by this time had one boyfriend, that had been a relationship that started when I was 16 and was assigned to my then boyfriend's carpool. That relationship though it lasted almost five years was more the result of us being kind of thrown together more so than any "man-getting" skills I might have had.

Angie and two other of my close girlfriends at the time, Lori W. and Kim N. had come up with a master plan to give me a complete make-over before setting up this fateful meeting. They took me shopping for "man-getting" clothes, things that required underwear designed specifically to be worn underneath them; or just pantyhose and/or no underwear at all. I was dismayed as the idea of leaving the house without underwear was as alien to me as eating squid with any regularity. Next, they took me to the eye doctor for an eye exam and my first pair of contact lenses. Though traumatic, this was the one thing that had the greatest and most lasting impact on me as I simply fell in love with my own eyes, and as I recall, this was the very first time that I felt that a physical feature of mine was truly beautiful. Wow! The idea that a person could live that long and be happy, even though they had never before felt that something about themselves was physically beautiful. Thanks Angie and Lori....that changed everything! As the make-over endeavor rolled on, I was taken to the beauty salon for a short, sassy haircut that started me on the road I now travel of short, stylish hair that is easy to manage.

Once all of the transformations had been completed, my make-over mavens chose a form-fitting tee-shirt dress from my new "man-getting" wardrobe for me to wear to the next Air Force Base "All-nighter" party, and insisted that I wear it with nothing but a pair of pantyhose and pumps. Though I protested vehemently, once I saw myself in that dress sans panties, I was won over. I had no idea I had that body! Though I had been an avid swimmer and PomPon girl for years, I was totally unaware of what those activities had done in terms of the sculpted, toned body I had developed. My confidence in myself and my "man-getting" abilities grew three times that day. Without question, satisfaction with the image one sees when one looks in the mirror definitely goes a long way in giving one more personal armor which serves to strengthen one's self-esteem.

Finally, I was ready to meet the PO. My girlfriends and I piled out of the car on the base of the Strategic Air Command located in Bellevue, Nebraska and joined others in a long line waiting to be admitted to one of the regularly scheduled base "all-nighters" which lasted until 3am which in Nebraska is all night. Standing in line behind us, I noticed a tall, dark-skinned brother who was dressed in red, Ralph Lauren Polo line if memory serves me correctly, and I remember poking Angie and telling her that this was the brother she should have been fixing me up with. Remember, the newly made-over, sexy me was a much bolder sista than the Sharon who existed even 24 hours earlier. In one of the best moments of my life, Angie smiled and told me that in actuality, this was the brother she was fixing me up with and the introductions were made.

Suffice it to say,

For me it was all over in that very instant.....

If I could find a store like Build A Bear, where one could design their very own brotha, the PO would be the brotha I'd build. At 6 feet 5 inches and about 225 pounds he is sized just right. Add in skin as smooth as melted chocolate stretched across a frame that was designed for basketball and a voice so deep that it is capable of making me lose my train of thought without regard to the content of what is being said, and you have my idea of an ideal male specimen.

DISCLAIMER: I was only 21 and these were the things that were important to a former tomboy who had only just discovered that she was cute and even kinda sexy ;)

To shorten up a very long story, we hit it off that night and dated for the summer. Though the physical beauty of him immediately caught my attention, we soon discovered that we were very compatible relative to our sense of humor and love of teasing and bantering with each other. Unfortunately, I was built from birth to be a one-man woman, and he on the other hand was not built [at least not at that time] for one-woman activities. Thus, this pivotal romantic relationship in my life ended. However, the friendship we had managed to create lasted and was maintained over the last 20 years even though I graduated and left Nebraska, he retired from the military and left Nebraska, I went on to have the relationships I spoke of in the post "Through the Fire...." , as well as Ryan, and he went on to marry and divorce one of my former class mates and have two children with her.

For the last couple of years, we have talked about getting together as we live in different states. I invited him to come down for my Memorial Day Picnic and he accepted, and thus began Sharon's probation. Following his return home, he called me while I was sick in Atlanta, and told me that he had been thinking about how good it was to reconnect with me. He talked about the fact that in actuality, his relationship with me was probably the most healthy, and positive long-term relationship he had ever had with any woman and definitely with any woman with whom he had been romantically involved. When I thought about this perspective, I had to admit that the same held true for me as I have never been one to maintain contact with those with whom I have ended a romantic liason [with the PO being the exception of course]. He said he would really like it if we could continue to see each other and spend as much time together as possible and just see where things go. I was estactic, as I have always felt a special connection with the PO and have always wished we had the opportunity to explore our feelings for each other more thoroughly as he possesses so many of the traits I actively look for in a sig other.

He has a great sense of humor which allows him to laugh frequently, often at himself. He is considerate of me in more ways than I can list, and he is proactive in his consideration, never waiting to be asked to do something that will make my load lighter or my day brighter. He has been an excellent father to his children, and is an avid cheerleader for me in my efforts to raise Ryan alone often giving me encouragement and insight on specific situations from a man's perspective. He respects my love of my family and each time he has come to visit, [three weekends since Memorial Day], he makes a point of asking that we go visit my mother, grandmother, and sister, all of whom he seems to have developed a special affinity for. He supports my decision to undergo the kidney transplant with my brother and plans to come and be here for me during my recuperation. I could go on forever, but I guess to sum it all up, I'd have to say that he makes me feel that this is a special relationship not because it is "new" again, but because we, he and I, are special people with a special connection to each other. Oh, and just so there is no confusion, though I've grown up, all that physical stuff that he had going for him then and continues to be blessed with now [Helleluia], surely doesn't hurt his chances for getting off probation!

So, right now, I'm on probation and loving it as is he. He is my Probation Officer and I am his. How long the probation will last is anyone's guess, and as he frequently admonishes me to do, I am coasting along as best I can and occasionally pumping the brakes to make sure that I don't get nowhere too fast. In my heart of hearts, I want this to become the defining relationship in my life and to be the relationship that I have been waiting for it seems all of my life. I want to be with him all the time and when I'm not with him, all I want to do is think about him. I definitely expect some of this to pass, but I hope that all of this won't go away and definitely not too soon. He is more special to me than I can relate, and I just hope he feels the same or at least similarly about me. One thing is for sure, his memory is as long as mine, and the fact that he remembers so specifically so many things from both our distant as well as our recent interactions is something about which I can definitely get very excited. I already have a wonderful history with this man, and am looking forward to adding to that history.

So as the probationary period continues, I will try to just enjoy the blessing that is he. I will drop an occasionally line or two about our progress as it is warranted, but mostly, I will focus on doing what is necessary to nourish this wonderful new life force within me. I am happy, and I know that you guys are happy for me which only serves to make me happier! Always able to find a silver lining in any cloud, I'm here to tell you all....

PROBATION AIN'T ALWAYS SUCH A BAD THING!

Chicken Soup for the Soul

To Blog is to become part of a different kind of family!

I know you all haven't heard much from me lately, and I apologize sincerely for that. As my last post stated, I was quite ill during my visit in the fair city of Atlanta, Georgia, and anyone who knows me very well at all will tell you that me sick is not a pretty site. I am a big baby about it to be frank, and typically expect those who profess love for me to baby me with goodies like chicken soup and juices. As a matter of fact, one of the ways I measure true love is by whether or not one who claims to have love for me will proactively volunteer to bring me soup when I am sick.

While sick in Atlanta, I received a call from that Original Oldgirl the infamous Ladylee who was planning to entertain Ms. Just Write Now while I was hanging in her hood. I explained that because I was under the weather so to speak, I truly could not get out and get social in her beloved city. Before another second had passed, I was made acutely aware of the fact that someone who "barely knows you", can have real love for you as that fantastic Original OG immediately launched into a barrage of questions about how I was nourishing myself during my illness. I explained that I was simply hanging in my hotel room and ordering room service to which she shuddered and exclaimed, "YOU CAN'T EAT THAT JUNK WHILE YOU'RE SICK. DO YOU WANT ME TO BRING YOU SOME SOUP?" I was completely impressed with my friend. To think, here was a person who has known me less than a year and mostly through the magic of the internet, who was volunteering to go out of her way to bring me nutritious sustenance, while at the same time exposing herself to the deadly organisms that had incapacitated me in the first place. I was stunned, taken aback, totally and infinitely impressed, and completely assured that I had indeed found not only a friend, but a new family member.

I tried to give her an out and decline her offer, but she, being a truly caring and generous person insisted on bringing not only soup, but an entire goody bag from the Whole Foods Market including the white porcelain bowl and spoon I used to enjoy my soup.
"My cup runneth over!" Go figure how it happens that in the midst of feeling as bad as I have in a long, long time, I was blessed to discover such a beautiful silver lining. Had I remained healthy in Atlanta, I might not have gotten this first-hand perspective of how truly gracious and generous my friend could be [though other wonderful deeds she has done have not been lost on me either]. Each and every one of us is here for a purpose, and for every action there is a reaction. Now many of you are probably thinking "Damn! It was just a bowl of soup!" But to me, it was so much more than that: it was a beautiful action on the part of Ladylee and this post and this affirmation is my reaction in kind.....

LADYLEE YOU FABULOUS, ORIGINAL OLDGIRL....

Thank you for taking the time and making the effort to let me know that you care. I appreciate it more than you'll ever really know, and I'll never, ever forget you for it. I Love You, and more than nourishing my body with the soup, you nourished my soul with the beauty of your generous spirit!

Sick in Atlanta with Nothing Else to do....

It's your girl checking in from the ATL where she has become intimately acquainted with the sinus infection from HELL! I'm holed up in my room with my head stuffy and swimming with fluid just praying that the meds my doctor phoned in and the hotel concierge had their driver to pick up from the local CVS will kick in timely enough for me to get my azz on that plane back to St. Louie MO tomorrow morning. In the mean time, I'm bored out of my mind, stuck in my room and still can't upload my pics to this stupid computer. So, not having anything else to do, I started getting caught up on my blog reading, and found the following dastardly tag I received courtesy of one DJ Diva/Clean Spirit. I'm going to do my best to answer as many of the questions as I can, but before I do, one question.....WHO THE HELL COMES UP WITH THIS STUFF????!!!!!!!!!

1.If you could be doing what you really want to be doing for a living, what would it be?
I would be a published writer of fiction with a loyal following which was large enough and loyal enough to enable me to actually write for a living and be able to continue to live at my current quality of life or better.....ahhhhh, the power of fantasies :)
2. If you could slap the shit out of any famous person, alive or dead, who would it be?
Whitney Houston and Marcus Vick should be warned to duck....I hate to seem insensitive to her plight, but I don't understand people who even experiment with drugs. Y'all know me, I truly believe myself to be one of the most powerful beings on the planet when it comes to managing me; however, even I in my omnipotent power over me know that there are limits to what I control even as it relates to me. Thus the only way to avoid getting hooked on drugs is not to even experiment with drugs. As for Marcus, my son would give just about anything to have the gifts this young man is aggressively squandering. In both cases, the idea of someone wasting such abundant blessings by partaking of behavior that at least initially they had the power to avoid, is to me tantamount to spitting in the eye of GOD! Given the opportunity, I would slap the shit out of them both!
3. What's the dumbest decision you've made in the past 5 years?
Same as the Lady DJ....becoming involved again with a man who I had a previous relationship with that didn't work. Nothing was really different, though I wanted to believe it was so I believed it.....You live and you learn.....EVENTUALLY!
4. Give up one for a year: (good) sex or (good) music?
I've never given up music for a year and don't know logistically how that would be possible; and though I have given up sex for a year [two years is actually more accurate] given the choice, music would have to go!!!! Afterall, if the sex truly is GOOD, music will be heard!!!!!
5. Dudes, would you rather have a big dick or a great sense of humor?
I'm not a dude, but feel compelled to weigh in on this question....a sense of humor is a great asset, but will only take you so far.....equipment of sufficient size is only an asset if the owner of the equipment has the technical skills necessary to properly utilize said equipment....however in the event that the equipment is of substandard size, owner of said equipment damned well better have a great sense of humor, because the likelihood is that I won't!
6. So you've been invited to an all expense paid Blogger Prom in The Bahamas. You're sitting at the bar on the beach. Which blogger do you want to join you for hours of good convo?
I'm about to have a party y'all......without a doubt, the trio of Ladylee, DJ Diva and Serenity are an absolute must.....add to that KO of That Johnson Boy Said What, James at Peace on That and DP of Parrish, The Thoughts....then, sprinkle in a little RPM for texture, some Dee for down-home common sense, some Jaime for mystery and depth, some Safa for compassion and heart, and definitely don't forget a splash of Chele at Forty Something for flavor.....shake it, don't stir and let the good times flow!
7. Which blogger would you most like to cuddle with on the beach? (and don't defer to your current signif other either. Infidelity won't count against you. Duh.)
I don't know exactly how cuddly he might be, but my brain could most certainly cuddle up with the beautiful prose that springs from the brain of That Johnson Boy....
8. You're going on a 5 hour road trip...which 5 CDs do you bring?
Okay blog family be easy cause a sista don't like nothin' while its current...
The Essential Luther Collection
John Legend Ordinary People CD
Anita Baker's Giving You the Best That I've Got
Norah Jones Come Away With Me
Natalie Cole Take A Look
9. Would you rather bury your children young or have your children bury you young?
My apologies Ryan, but for once when it comes to you I'm going to have to be selfish where I would usually be protective.....you're going to need to bury me, I can't even consider putting you in the ground so be very, very careful....Mom loves you MORE!!!
10. What's your biggest insecurity?
Being financially unable to take care of business...my home, family, etc.
11.What's the first blog you read every day...or however often you read them? (And I swear to God, don't be saying mine just cuz I'm the one asking...unless of course you really mean it. lol)
My own....I know that sounds conceited, but I am constantly amazed that what I have written is consistently so different from what I intended to write.....but very shortly after, I follow this path: Ladylee, Serenity, DJ Diva, Safa, Parrish The Thoughts, That Johnson Boy Said What, Forty Something, Peace On That, Diva In Scrubs, RPM, and last but certainly not least, Jaime.....I read these everytime I read any blogs at all.
12. When's the last time you peed your pants?
Lost memory....I was a child.
13. Which was better, your first kiss or your first pay check?
I don't actually remember either.
14. Do you have kids? Want kids?
I have one child, and I did such an unexpectedly phenomenal job with him that I've decided I should just stop while I'm ahead.....why tamper with success! [At some point in life, if I remain single or a future sig other is in agreement, I would however love to start with a child produced by someone else (i.e. adopt) and try my hand with a girl].
15. You get dropped off at home after the office holiday party by your bitch azz boss that you can't effing stand...you exit the car and he peels out, runs a red light at your corner and rolls up an unsuspecting midget. The next day the midget watch groups are on TV outraged at the heartless hit and run, and are calling for any witnesses to please come fwd...that half dead midget has a family at home waiting on C-mas presents. Would you take $1000 hush money? $500? $100? A six pack?
It's never wrong to do the right thing....bitch azz boss or not, that midget is a person and deserves better than that. Thus, my bitch azz boss is toast!
16. Live the rest of your life without your eyebrows or your fingernails?
I have two true vanities....my hair and my nails. I was born with the faintest
eyebrows and eyelashes known to man anyway so a pencil and some powder with just a little skill will provide eyebrows in a pinch but nails have to be handled with care.
17. What makes you angry?
The mistreatment of those not strong enough to take care of themselves.
18. What makes you horny?
Tall, athletically built men with deep voices and if they happen to have dark chocolate skin tones, "HAVE MERCY"!!!!!!
19. What makes you nervous?
High crime areas where the risk of being caught up as an innocent bystander in random acts of violence exist.
20. What makes you smile?
You name it! Ryan, family, babies, old people, sun, moon, rain, rainbows, spring buds, snow, inhaling, exhaling, ........

Tag you're it! (But you don't really have to do it).
I'm not going to tag anyone.....but if you are interested, JUST DO IT!

Just A Teaser To Hold You Over 'til I Get Home....

Just a quick blurb to those I love so much for stopping by this blog.....

I'm down in the ATL this week at a business meeting and attending the annual convention of the American Society of Clinical Oncologists, the most important and largest professional meeting of Oncology health professionals in the world. I arrived on Tuesday and have been in non-stop motion ever since. So much so, that I have not yet had the opportunity to holla at that phenomenal Oldgirl Ladylee who I might add bugged out on my infamous Memorial Day Weekend Remember When Old-School Picnic last weekend.....not to worry, that call will be placed tonight, as there is NO WAY I'm pulling up outta here without catching up with her and any other of my favorite bloggers from around this way....so if y'all are out there, holla if you hear me and hit me with an email at sharon2172@aol.com and let me know how I can get in touch while I'm here!

Speaking of the Remember When Picnic, how should I put it......IT WAS OFF THE CHAIN!!!!! It was my intention to blog on it while I was down here this week, but unfortunately, my company laptop is incompatible with my camera so until I figure out how to get my pics uploaded, I have to hold tight on that particular post, possibly until I get home and back to my personal laptop. Also, Ms. Just Write Now may have rekindled an old flame.....too soon to say for sure, [and no, not the ex-fiancee], but for now, I will say that a sista is fanning this delicate little spark with as much effort as she can as she would love to have this thing work out!!! Watch out Diva, I'ma be you when I grow up!

Back in March there was the flood in my basement, in April, I was overrun by ants, and today while sitting in my meeting, I was notified of an emergency at home and it turned out that my house was hit by lightening! Floods, pestilence, fire.....I guess a plague will be coming through any minute. Now some of you might say WTH?! Serenity, I know you are prolly spinning as you read this, but if I have learned nothing else from my association with you, it is how to roll with whatevah comes my way. Me, I see this as an opportunity to get all the bad stuff over at once. I don't see it as "bad luck or good luck" so to speak, I see it as extraordinary luck which is something I have always had. No one was hurt though Ryan got a bit of a shock as he was playing his keyboard at the time. My family room TV is inoperable and about a third of the house is without power it seems. It's kinda like having an airplane crash into your house....once it happens, what's the the chance of it EVAH happening again :) The fire department came to make sure there was no threat of a fire and an electrician is there now certifying that the electrical systems are functional and safe. You know what they say, "Never a dull moment!"

I've gotta head out to another company function in 15 minutes, but before I go, I wanted to send a shout-out and a heartfelt "Thank You" to Safa for letting a sista know she has been missed. I have and am missing all of you too, but I will do my best to check in and post, short and sweet though it will be, as often as I can. I am in Atlanta through Tuesday, June 6th so hopefully, I will be able to post at least once or twice more though they will be sad, little pictureless posts, and y'all know how I LOVES my PICS! I'll be back later....

What Do I Owe For That Kidney?

On our mother's birthday, last December first, my brother and I began an Odyssey

that involved us being poked, prodded, probed, tested, retested and virtually drained of blood and ultimately culminated with a phone call I received this morning. At 8:15 am, I answered my cell phone and was informed by the individual assigned to coordinate our journey through this process that

the results were in and contingent upon my successful completion of a 24 hour period of ambulatory blood pressure monitoring, my brother and I have been approved for his kidney transplant, and the procedure has been scheduled to take place on TUESDAY, JULY 25, 2006!!!!!!!!

In my time on this planet, I have had the opportunity to be a part of some pretty phenomenal events: the births of my son, two nephews, and a cousin....the coming together of my entire extended family to plan and execute a blow-out birthday bash for my beloved Grandmother last year....foreign exchange programs which allowed for me to spend extended periods living in Italy and Kenya.....and more backyard Bar-B-Ques, weekends at Grandma's with all my cousins, and more sista-girl sessions with the gurls of my heart than any single individual can possibly expect to have. By comparison, not one of these experiences even come close to the sheer, unadulterated joy and raw emotion I felt as I was given the honor of calling my brother [who I had called fully six months earlier with the news that we were sufficiently similar to be evaluated for potential transplantation of my kidney into his body] with the news that we were now actually qualified and scheduled for the surgery. My brother undergoes dialysis every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 1pm until 6pm. As the old Dodge Intrepid commercials used to state, "THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!"

When I got my brother on the phone and gave him the news, I was surprised to find that he was not giddy with excitement like I was when I received the news. Instead, he seemed abnormally quiet, reserved, even reticent. I asked him what was wrong and he admitted that he was scared. Now, contrary to popular belief, I am NOT fearless. In fact, I'm about as scary as they come.....but I'm good at making scared look good! So I asked my brother what he was scared of after trying to convince him that once the kidney transplant was complete his life would once again be his own and that kidney transplants have a great long-term expectancy of 10, 15, even 20 years. He told me he was scared to let me do this and then shocked me by asking "How can I ever pay you back for your kidney?" I was completely taken aback. However, you guys know you can always count on me to have an answer and this is what I said to my brother and it is exactly what I would have wanted to say if I could have planned for this moment:

I am NOT scared at all. Not even a little bit. We are both going to come through this fine and we'll both be able to live a full life. As far as paying me back, this is my thought. If you call and ask me to loan you $150 to pay a bill, then you should feel like you feel right now, you should be stressed about how you're going to pay me back because you can be damned skippy that I will be looking for my money! But a kidney? Dude, you can't pay someone for a kidney because you can't owe someone for a kidney....it's not a loan! Think of it this way.....remember two years ago when I gave you that blackjack table for Christmas? I was so excited waiting for you to open it because from the moment I saw it, I knew you would love it, it was the perfect gift for you. This kidney thing is like that....it is like finding the perfect gift for you, and when you are given a great gift, you accept it, say thank you, and enjoy it. Now say thank you and let's get this party started!

My brother stopped by my house this evening and I could see how happy he was in his eyes. His step was lighter, and I think, hope, believe that he can finally begin to get excited about his.....scratch that......OUR good fortune!

I love my life, I love my brother, I love my family

and

Blog family, I Love Y'all too....stay tuned... with 4-6 weeks off from work this summer following the transplant, I'll have plenty of time for posting and reading what you post; so start gearing up to keep me entertained!

WORD TO YOU FATHERS....A Message to the Absent Dads

Lately, something's been on my mind. For some time now, I've wanted to say things to my son's father that I have never had the opportunity to say. Unlike many former couples who have a child they created together, my son's father and I have no relationship.....I mean, no hostility, and no friendship, no relationship at all. This is because my son and his father have no relationship....a situation that is the result of his father's choice not to be involved, and which I have tried repeatedly to change to no avail. Though an unfortunate reality for my son which he deals with utilizing a maturity far beyond his years, for most of his life this has not been a problem for me. As a matter of fact, there have been many times [as I listened to the changes that some of my friends who also happen to be single mothers go through with the fathers of their children who remain involved in their children's lives], when I actually felt that I was lucky. Lucky that I did not have to consult with him about decisions regarding my son. Lucky that I did not have to deal with the "If Mom says no, ask Dad" syndrome, as for my son, there was no Dad available, only Mom. Lucky that I could bring up my son as I saw fit and not be worried that his other parent would be looking over my shoulder, critiquing my every move. There was definitely a time when I found that there was indeed a silver lining even in this cloud.

Then, in 2003 and 2004, two things happened to change my mind. First, back in October 2003, my family decided to take a cruise to Ocho Rios, Grand Cayman, and Cozumel. Being a bordering country, Mexico has strict laws about bringing minor children into the country in the absence of a parent; these laws were designed to control parental kidnappers who might flee into Mexico. Thus, it was necessary that I literally get my son's absent father's permission to take him on vacation. Mexico required a notarized statement from his father before we would be allowed to be in the country for more than 24 hours. IMAGINE, having to have the permission of a man who had not seen my son in 12 years and thus would not be able to identify my son if ever there was a need. I was outdone.

In 2004, my son graduated from the eighth grade and decided he wanted to invite his father [who he had not seen since before he turned two years old] to the ceremony. I told my son I'd think about it and let him know, intending to ask his father without my son knowing in the event his father declined attending. When asked, he did indeed agree to come to the ceremony, but not trusting him to follow-through and not wanting my son to be disappointed I decided to let his attendance be a surprise if indeed he did show up. He did NOT come to the ceremony.

Typically, women in my situation have a lot to say to the absent father and not much if any of it good. Though there have been two occasions over the years since my son's birth that I have been so frustrated and angry that I did contact his father in anger, I find at this point in time, I feel a very different emotion. This is what I want to say:

In your decision to distance yourself from your son's life, you have cheated him. You have cheated him out of knowing what an intelligent, charismatic, and personable man you are. He, unlike me, never got the opportunity to know your love of music which he seems to have inherited. He has never seen you swipe your hand across your face in the same manner that he does when stunned; obviously a consequence of genetics as he has not spent adequate time in your presence to pick up your mannerisms. A good athlete, he has no idea that his father loves sports and could probably give him immense insight on how he might improve his athletic abilities. You have not allowed him the same luxury you enjoyed [as you shared with me back when we were dating] of having had the security of your relationship with your own father to help you navigate the course from boyhood to manhood. YOU HAVE CHEATED HIM.

In making this same decision, you have cheated me as well. You have cheated me out of a lot. By not being involved in his life, you have left me to do it all alone. You have forced me by your very absence to play a much larger role in my son's life than I ever should have been required to play. You have altered my perspective and approach to every situation by essentially designating me as my son's only viable parent, and as such much more critically important in his life. While all of these things have significance for me, the one truly painful thing you cheated me out of, was the opportunity to share, enjoy, and beam with pride over my son and his achievements with the person who helped me create him. You and I have been able to be beyond civil to each other, nice even, so surely we could have managed joint parenting if you were of a mind, even though we never intended to marry each other. YOU HAVE CHEATED ME.

Most of all, you have cheated yourself. You have missed out on being a witness to the life of one of the most phenomenal people ever born. The last time I was really angry with you was on Labor Day 2004 as I sat and watched our son practice with his high school football team. At 6 feet tall and 245 pounds, he was by far the biggest and strongest freshman on the team. In that moment, I replayed his life from the moment he was born to now and felt overcome with pride. Then, I was overcome with anger because I had never truly had anyone to share this exhileration with who could truly appreciate the moment in the way that only a parent can. I called you that day as I sat there alone watching our son, and gave you a not-so-nice piece of my mind. Now I know that the anger that surfaced that day was the precursor to the sadness and disappointment that I now feel as my son moves closer and closer to manhood, still without a relationship with the man who fathered him. Your choice means that you may never get the chance to know the best thing you ever helped create. It means that you may never understand the privelege being part of this young man's life has been. It means that you may never know the power of the most all-encompassing love I have ever experienced. It means you may have missed out on the single greatest opportunity of your life. YOU HAVE CHEATED YOURSELF.

These are the things I would say to my son's father if I could. They are not said in anger. They are not said with hostility. They are said in the hope that one day he or some other absent Dad will read them and re-think their decision to remain absent; and believe me regardless of all the rationalizing, it is a decision that they made. When my son and I speak of his father,[which happens relatively frequently when one of his favorite songs from back in the day is on or my son does something that reminds me of his Dad], it is always with a positive slant. My son is a part of me AND a part of his father, and as such, I would never want him to believe that his father is "bad, undesirable, or any other negative thing", as I don't want my son to believe that any part of himself is negative. Regarding his father's absence from his life, I simply tell my son that just as he is sometimes irresponsible about his obligations like we all can be, his father for some reason that has nothing to do with his son, is being irresponsible. I assure my son that since his father doesn't really even know him, it can't be a reflection of his "not liking him".

The long and short of it is that absenteeism goes deeper than we typically believe. Its affects are different at different times in the lives of each of the involved parties. Though we most often focus on the anger created by these situations, the fact is that even more than anger, there is significant pain that accompanies the anger. My son feels this pain, I as his single mother feel this pain, and I'm sure that on some level at some time in his life if he does not already, his father will one day feel this pain as well. I'm an optimist as you all know, and as such I believe that it is never too late to change. Though I have given up trying to influence my son's father to make this change, I still believe and hope that one day he will reach out to my son as even now, I still think of him as one of the most interesting people I've ever met. Additionally, the optimist that is me hopes that some other absentee Dad might read this and realize that all the negative portrayals of strong, neck-rolling sistas talking about "how they've got this....and don't need any damned baby-daddy to handle their business" is just the side being shown to the world in their attempt to be strong. In reality, we all dreamed of having complete families with Mommies and Daddies, and even when it can't be as we dreamed, someone to share the burden as well as the joy of parenting with is still something most of us desire. So if you are, or have been an absentee Dad, suck it up, paddle through the crap of your failed relationship and establish a partnership with you child(ren's) mother, be a man, and be the best damn Dad you possibly can be; our children deserve at least that much.

World Class Collecting

Some people collect antiques, some cars, and others coins. Me? I collect people. I am a certified connoisseur of people. In my ongoing quest to increase the value of my collection, I am very selective. You see, for me it is the quality of my collection that matters, not the quantity. As a matter of fact, as the years have passed and I've grown older [some might even say wiser], I have found that finding someone to add to my collection doesn't happen all that often. Other, less motivated people collectors add to their collections almost daily. I, on the other hand, take the time and exert the energy necessary to determine whether or not an acquaintance is of a high enough caliber to even warrant consideration for addition to the links of people who make up the chain that is attached to the anchor that keeps me securely stabilized when the waters get rough.

While many people are dismayed by the fact that "they don't have many friends", I am exhilerated whenever I stop to think that I do indeed have FRIENDS....true friends.....ones I can depend on. How did I get so lucky? I took up the art of COLLECTING PEOPLE way back in elementary school. I was raised basically as a nomad. My mother has a bit of the wanderlust in her soul, which resulted in my having attended eight different elementary schools between kindergarten and eigth grade. With this type of movement in my childhood, it is easy to see how it would have been difficult to maintain friendships. SOMEHOW, I managed as my oldest friend Synetta I met the summer before I started sixth grade. She lived next door to me in the house I consider the place where I truly grew up [we lived there for three years....a veritable marathon for my family]. Synetta started me on my lifelong dedication to people collecting. In her, I found a same sex soul mate. She was someone I could tell everything and in whose loyalty to me I never had to question. Even when she and I were forced to have a physical fight because my [then bratty] little sister Jackie picked a fight with her (and as per the rules of my house, if my sister was in a fight I was in a fight), she still continued to keep my all important pubescent secrets under lock and key.

Synetta and I remained best friends through high school, double dating to the Prom both with our boyfriends named Michael. When we graduated, I went to college and she joined the army. It was during this period that we lost contact with each other. Now here is where the true value of people collecting comes in. If you have truly collected a people masterpiece, someone who is worth having around, then though you may lose contact from time to time, you will never lose the masterpiece. Recently, Synetta and I found each other again. She is on the east coast and I am still out here in the middle of the country. Oh the joy I tell you of receiving that initial email. The sheer unadulterated pleasure of hearing a voice on your voicemail that you haven't heard in many, many years scream your pre-teen pet names for each other into your ear.....Heeeeeeyyyyyyyyy MONKEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!!!!!! is a feeling for which I have no words. Talking to her again, is just like being twelve again. It is as if no time has passed and the joy of once again having access to the person whose impact in my young life was so profound that she set me on the path to collecting quality people is priceless.

Over the years, others have added themselves to my collection by distinguished service. Estella [aka Stella] the third point [along with me and Synetta] to complete my high school "triangle of friends" (not a circle....quality not quantity). I lost contact with her as well, and am right this moment looking forward to connecting the points on this triangle this afternoon when I try to get both Synetta and Stella on a call at the same time. I AM ABOUT TO BURST, because I just reconnected with Stell about a month or so ago but she and Synetta have been out of contact for 10 plus years!

College brought me Craig, to whom I will always be indebted as he paid for my laundry and weekend meals for almost a year in order to help me stay in school when my mother lost her job during my freshman year. This from a guy who like me was a college student from a low-income urban area; and a guy who I never even dated as we were like sister and brother from the start when I hooked him up with my homegirl Julie. He didn't end up with Julie, he chose Laura instead bringing me another masterpiece to add to my collection. It's funny how an outsider would find it difficult to determine who came first, Laura or Craig. Angie, who you all have read about before arrived on the scene and in addition to all the gifts you all have already been told about that she brings, she also was instrumental in making Ms. Just Write Now realize that a brilliant mind, quick wit, and good personality weren't my only assets. In a "make-over" which included a hair cut, contacts, new clothes that revealed a body I never knew existed, and some subtle, very natural make-up, Angie gave me a confidence in the physical me that I had never had before. WATCH OUT WORLD!

College without question had the greatest impact on my collection, and I would be remiss if I didn't mention my baby sister Monica. From the day we first met to this one, Monica has never failed to bring the best medicine of all whether or not I'm ailing: LAUGHTER. Whenever I talk to this girl [and thankfully we remain in close contact though she lives in Iowa], I find myself literally rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. The funny thing is, she does too! I also got Kimberly [wherever she is] and Lisa during college. Kimberly was my roomie when I moved off campus. Kimberly was the sister who showed me how to socialize and be comfortable even when I wasn't. And Lisa, bless her, (along with her family, my family) brought me closer to God than I'd ever been before. Lisa was my on-campus roomie for three years. Any collection worth the effort of collecting should bring value or beauty to your life. As you can plainly see, my collection brings me an abundance of both. Gone, but never forgotten from this time is one of the true loves of my life....Mr. Kevin Adams. From St. Louis like me and THE COOLEST WHITE BOY evah to walk the planet earth, Kevin taught us all the true meaning of fun and how to go out, grab life by the hand fulls, and live it to the fullest. I'll love him forever.

I could go on, because though quantity is NOT and never was the goal, the list of irreplaceable works of art in my collection is long. It includes people I met along the way, some way back when and some recently. Age ain't nothin' but a number as one of the MOST valuable pieces in my collection is herself just becoming acquainted with womanhood at the ripe old age of 22. Ms. Carmz, is one of my absolutely most precious collectibles, and keeps me fresh and open to what's happening NOW! It includes family members (like Moms to the right) with whom I share DNA and some family members with whom I do not. It includes people from all backgrounds, socio-economic levels, races and ethnicities. The one distinguishing characteristic of them all is not that they are perfect people [hell for that matter, neither am I]; just that they are/were all perfect for me in that they each brought something critically important to my life that I could depend on to be there when and if I needed it.

The key to successful people collecting is this:

Understand that we all have flaws and at some time or another will mess up royally....that's just human nature. What we must do to enable us to build the value of our collections is to see what actually is, and base our evaluations on what is. Human nature dictates that conflict will arise whenever two are gathered. However, instead of allowing these conflicts to change everything, [subsequently diminishing the value of your collection], it is necessary to evaluate the value the individual in question brings to your life and how easily you would be able to replace the value you would lose. Nothing is all good, and we all have characteristics that others would simply love to yank out of us. However, in most cases, if they were ever worth adding to your collection at all, they are most likely worth keeping.

WARNING: Stolen Material May Cause Guilty Conscious If Viewed

What follows is a stolen post from the blog of David Parrish. I have committed what amounts to a felony I believe because the information contained in this post is so valuable and important that I wanted to make sure others who might not otherwise stumble across David's blog would be exposed to it. I especially wanted those of you with whom I had ongoing debates surrounding this year's Oscar's and issues there we won't openly revisit here today to read this all-important post. I challenge each of you, to be honest with yourselves in your self-evaluation. Did you, have we all really done everything we personally can do or anything at all for that matter to postively impact the images of ourselves that are considered for next year's Oscar nominations? Secondly, [contrary to my usual attempt to be a positive influence on others], I encourage and challenge each of you to commit the same felony I did and steal David's post to be posted on your own sites in order to broaden the potential scope of its impact. As it relates to the apology David suggests in this post, I too fell short. What about you?

ok everyone, Group Apology time!!!
I _____________ (state your name) do sincerely apologize for NOT going to see Akeelah and the Bee when I KNEW that it was important to do so in order to send a message to Hollywood that we, the Negroes who complain so much about the quality of Black Movies released into theaters, would be sure to go out and make Akeelah number one in the last weekend of the Spring movie season. Knowing full well that Summer Blockbuster Season starts this coming Friday with M:I 3, I have squandered another chance to send Hollywood a message with my money. I am well aware that as punishment, I will receive healthy doses of cross dressing comedians, aspiring rapper/actors, and well meaning movies which are lacking in the polish and creativity that a major motion picture release deserves.

--Parrish, The Thoughts

I Owe Y'all Better Than This!

I KNOW I'VE BEEN LOUSY! I owe y'all better than this; afterall, y'all made one of my biggest dreams come true by stopping in and checking out a sistas words and I repay y'all by not holding up my end of the bargain and writing something y'all could read. There are reasons....but there are no excuses. I PROMISE I WILL DO BETTER. Please just hang in there with me until I get my schedule in hand and I will go back to daily posting as soon as I can manage it.

A quick update on the goings-on in my world and then I will get to writing some posts I can be proud of and you can enjoy:

• School: Going great! Your gurl has an "A" average through mid-term and with 2 case studies completed and returned [A's on both] and a mid-term exam completed and returned [A there too], and only one more case study and a take home final, I think it is a safe bet that a sista can pull this one out. Oh how I love EDUCATION!
• Personal Training: STILL GOING! Three times a week, still going strong. Only missed two sessions so far due to a business trip to Minneapolis last week where I worked out in my room on my own anyway. Dying to post a pic, but y'all know I'ma drama queen and so I'm waiting until I hit some of my REAL goals so that the change will be as dramatic as possible. However, just last week, I was cleaning the house....while vacuuming with my music blasting, I caught an unexpected glimpse of my right tricep in a mirror and I'll just say this, "Baby might not have back, but she damn sho gots some nice cuts in her arms!" Hey brothas....does that turn y'all on? ;)
• Ryan: He got a new car....any questions? No, really, his driving is coming along and he should be able to actually take his driver's exam and get a license in the next couple of weeks. Our schedules are so unbelievably hectic that the poor boy and I can only get together to let him drive for an hour or two 3 or 4 times a week. I let him drive on the highway for the first time last week and it was okay....but y'all pray for a sista AND her babyboy! HINT TO THOSE WITH TEENS WHO ARE CONSIDERING PURCHASING NEW CARS: Insurance is cheaper if you purchase the care BEFORE your teen has a license then add him to it once he gets a license. In our case, it was a difference of $600 every six months....that's why Ryan has a car and no license.
• The Basement: Carpet is in and everythings is so fresh and so clean clean! I still have to arrange furniture and put the knicks and knacks back. As soon as I do, I'll shoot new picks and post them for your approval.
• Backyard: Coming right along and on schedule for the Annual Memorial Day Weekend Blowout. Any of y'all passing through The Lou on Memorial Day weekend Sunday, be sure and let me know so I can give ya directions to the ranch! There will be food and drink and fun for all so don't worry about who you're wit, bring the fam....the more the merrier.
• Work: Right....it's work and in the words of that Original Oldgirl the infamous Ladylee, "They are still dropping a paycheck into my direct deposit account every other week", so by my standards, it's going fine!

So there ya go....y'all are all caught up now! And once again, I promise I'ma get back to posting like I've still got the good sense God gave me as my Grandma would say.

In The Blink Of An Eye....

It starts right about here, with smiles and coos and adoring looks that make you believe it will always be just like this. You will always be the axis on which their world revolves. Though very demanding in acquiring whatever it is they feel they need at the time, a baby, [at least if your baby is anything like mine], has a knack for making everything you do and sacrifice on his behalf end up being worth it. In all the world, there is no more satisfying feeling than the feel of chubby, little arms wrapped around your neck as warm breath that carries the faint odor of milk tickles your neck, and the words that will hold you hostage for a lifetime are whispered, "I Love You Mommy."

For a time, this was my life. But as is the way with life, time passed and things changed. Contrary to many others, I don't happen to think change is a bad thing. I still had the pleasure of smiles and coos coming my way, but in addition, I had the sheer joy of hearing routinely one of the best sounds I have ever heard to this day, my son's giggle. By this time, the prankster in him had shown up. He lived to be funny and thought the most amusing thing on the planet was "to trick his Mommy". If someone had tried to make me understand this kind of love before I was personally introduced to it, they would have landed way short of the mark. There are no words that can possibly describe what it is like to feel the way I felt about this child, especially during this period. It was as if his very existence validated my own. He completely rearranged my priorities and all but eliminated the typical stresses of the twenties for me. Never, did I worry about things that were outside of my control. As long as Ryan was okay, Sharon was okay.

The clock kept ticking [faster and faster it seemed to me], and longer, leaner, more athletic arms now encircled my neck because of all the hours of basketball [then two and a half year old] Ryan played with his cousin Kendall on the Little Tykes goal in Ryan's bedroom. As they say, boys will be boys, and as the boys got bigger, the toys got bigger. The hugs were still plentiful, and the jokes though a bit more "little boy funny", kept right on coming. Little did I know, but I was being pulled deeper and deeper into this child's web and with each passing day, I was being wrapped tighter and tighter around his finger. I think it was Bill Cosby who referred to all the wonderful sensory sensations of dealing with babies as "false advertising". Sometimes I think he might be right. Though typically the optimist, and rarely the pessimist, there is a bit of the "NOTHING CAN BE THIS GOOD" ideology in me.

Skip ahead fourteen years to April 22, 2006. If you have ever spent any time with me, you know one thing for sure, I love a surprise. I thrive on setting up and pulling off elaborate surprises. On Saturday, April 22, 2006, I pulled off one of my biggest and best surprises yet. Here is the look on the face of my son as he appeared upon his very first glance at his surprise. Like I said, as the boys get bigger, so do the toys. You see, I always wanted my son to be independent, and self-reliant. I raised him to be that way. He has a good life, a very good life and that's exactly what I planned for him. It's why I worked so hard, in order to be able to do things for him that my mother always wished she could do for me. As they say, "Each one, teach one!" Well, I have a great mother and she taught me well. The other side of this coin is that when you raise a child to be outgoing and self-sufficient, you owe it to that child to facilitate his/her being able to go out and be outgoing. Until now, that meant chauffering my son all over God's creation, sometimes prohibiting me from doing something I wanted to do or from just sitting around doing nothing at all. NO MORE OF THAT!
But first, an oath....in front of witnesses and filmed for posterity on video tape. No, not even an oath, a covenant....yeah, that's it a covenant, a blood oath between mother and son before the keys actually exchange hands. Something like:

I, Ryan do hereby swear to obey all traffic laws and curfews. Realizing exactly how much my mother loves me, I will protect her "precious cargo" and will not participate in unsafe driving games even if encouraged to do so by my friends. I will appreciate the sacrifice that my beautiful mother has made so that I might have ACCESS to this vehicle which is now, and will continue to be owned solely by my mother, until such time as I successfully GRADUATE from high school. Then and only then, at the discretion of my beautiful mother will I own said vehicle. I do hereby solemnly swear that if ever my beautiful mother decides that she would like me to go out and pick up something even as trivial as a Snicker's bar, even if it is 2am, I will do so without attitude and with a smile on my face and a song in my heart. I will refrain from filling the vehicle with riff and raff, and at no time, will it be utilized to transport "bucket-naked scrippers"....I, Ryan enter into this covenant here in the presence of my Mother, Grandmother, and Great-Grandmother, three generations of women in my family in front of whom I would never tell a lie for fear of retribution too horrible to be considered in the light of day.

Once the covenant had been completed, the keys were turned over to this young man who it seemed just yesterday was running over my foot with his Big Wheel in our little two bedroom apartment. Where has the time gone? What happened to my little boy; and who is this man that now stands in his place? The hugs are still plentiful, even to this day; though the arms are so thick and muscular now that the hugs are sometimes a little like being suffocated. The time passes before you know it....in a blink of an eye....and once it has passed, it won't come back again. So to the mothers reading this post who still have chubby little arms wrapping around their necks, a word of advice, SAVOR THE FLAVOR! Before you know it, you will have achieved what it was you set out to do....send an adult out into the world.