There are no words....(all evidence to the contrary ;)

Hi blog family! As most of you know, this is a very big week for my family as the love of my life graduated from high school last night and is heading off to college in the fall! My son Ryan has indeed made my life fulfilling in ways I never even dreamed possible; so much so that I must take this opportunity to say thank you to any and everyone with whom I interacted in my life that led to me becoming the mother of this amazing person as I believe that everything that happens to an individual is necessary and comes together to lead them to wherever it is they wind up. As I watch Ryan begin to make his own dreams come true in much the same way he has brought so many of my dreams to fruition I am both amazed and astonished.

With a son like Ryan, I am very used to witnessing wonderful spectacles, even so, I was still knocked off my feet by this...

I thought I was prepared, because this was a long time in coming. However, to actually hear the name I chose for him more than 18 years ago be called and subsequently watch him walk across that stage so strong and proud of himself, almost brought me to my knees. Another young man in his graduating class who is one half of a set of twins is being treated for brain cancer which is considered to be terminal in this case. As his twin brother helped him up the stairs to receive his diploma, I felt as if the breath had been stolen from my body as I realized how truly blessed I am to have a son who is not only graduating high school, but who also is in great health as well. My heart went out to this young man's mother as every cell in my body withered at the thought that such a thing could happen to someone's "RYAN". Once again I realized that though acknowledging and appreciating our children's accomplishments is very important, it is so much more critical that we acknowledge and appreciate our children themselves...after all, THEY are the true gift!

With the ceremony over and the Graduation Party & 4th Annual Memorial Day Weekend "Remember When..." Picnic still on the horizon for next Sunday (all my blog family is welcome so consider yourself officially invited and shoot me an email for the particulars if you will be/are in the St. Louis vicinity on Sunday, May 25th) I have tons to do. I have already purchased and begun to clean the more than 600 pounds of meat for the bar-b-que which my brother-in-law Gary will make happen at my house on Saturday. I will be hand forming close to 120 hamburgers and grilling up more than 300 bratwurst and hotdogs before this is all over. The house is clean and ready for the onslaught of more than 250 of our favorite everyday people and by Friday evening, the yard around my house will look like a back-in-the-day old skool picnic wonderland! The party begins at 2pm and doesn't end until the last guest decides to go home (and if you know my family, you know that could take days!). The dee-jays have been contracted and will begin to spin their magical spells around 5pm with shift changes so the music never stops! Games like horse shoes, washers, and volleyball will be played by the teens and adults while sack races, three-legged races, and hula-hoop contests and the such will be enjoyed by the babies and some young at heart grown folk too I'm sure. Somewhere up in all this activity, there will be card tables set up to accommodate games of Bid Whist, Spades, Tonk, and Dominos (a.k.a. BONES for you die-hards), and my brother Dee (who is doing wonderfully well with his kidney) will be dealing up a friendly game of Black Jack for those who might be interested. Last but not least, the bartenders (a.k.a. my sister Jackie and my pal Mark) will be serving up delectable libations such as Desert Pear Margaritas and Appletini's, Original and Strawberry Margaritas, and just about any other concoction you can come up with at the bar which will be fully stocked with beer and premium liquors and up and running throughout! So if indeed you are in the neighborhood, do stop in!

Now back to the real subject of this post while the glow of watching my life's miracle make miracles of his own is still all over me!

Me and Ryan stylin' and profilin' following his high school graduation ceremony!

My babyboy...oops!, scratch that, my babyMAN will be attending college next fall where he will work towards taking his awesome talents as an artist (cartoons and computer graphics/animation) to a whole other level.

(Sample of one of Ryan's Computer Graphic Cartoons)

Of course those of you who stop by here regularly know that this post could go on for the next week or so if I don't exercise some self-control (something of which I have very little when it comes to extolling the glories of being this young man's mother ;), so I'll wrap by saying this...

"Though I have done many things in my life of which I am quite openly proud, they ALL pale in comparison to having mothered this manchild. His high school graduation represents his own ability to make things happen for himself and allows me the opportunity to burst with pride over the fact that I had a hand in creating and raising to manhood an individual who is not afraid to go out into the world and do just that...make things happen! THIS IS HIS ACCOMPLISHMENT, something I make a point of making sure he knows. However, I also hope he knows how very special I feel to be allowed to share his joy as he begins to discover for himself what I have known since the day he was born and that is that he is well on his way to becoming THE SPECTACULAR MAN he was always pre-destined to be ;)

It'll be quiet around here for a few but I promise those of you who can't attend one spectacular picture video montage of all the festivities once they are over!

Gone and sing it for me now Stevie...

MIA...

Yeah, I heard it...the grumblings of "Where is she?", the "Where has she gones?", and the "I know one thing, she had better show her butt up around these parts sometime soon or there are going to be some major problems!" Well I hope y'all can forgive me, but just take a look around and you'll see where it all began.

I got to spend a long weekend in Aguadilla, Puerto Rico where I had to spend Saturday working but Sunday was mine to do with as I pleased. Well, what I pleased to do with it was to spend it at the beach! So I asked around and a couple of the soldiers that I worked with that weekend informed me that Jobo Beach was the most beautiful beach in Aguadilla and thus where I would spend the day on Sunday was decided!



This amazing beach had it all...rocky cliffs that overlook the surf crashing against the rocks of the cliffs themselves with so much force that the spray created rises higher than the cliffs themselves.

On the other side of the cliffs I found a beautiful beach with golden sand and quaint little beach establishments serving up anything my little heart desired in the way of libations. My drug of choice: Pina Colada! I rented myself a chaise, disrobed myself of my cover-up, got the first of several delicious libations, and began to do what I have learned after all of these years to do best...lay back and enjoy life as it is!!!

What's that you say? Pray tell did I hear you say (or even insinuate) that yours truly, Ms. Just Write Now lay on that beautiful beach and never even so much as thought of you, her beloved blog family? Au Contraire my friends, au contraire...

So you see, even in the midst of paradise with all of this available to her...

YOU, her blog family remain always in the heart of yours truly, Ms. Just Write Now!

PEACE AND LOVE FAMILY

PEACE AND LOVE!!!

What? Stop Blogging...What do you mean stop blogging?!

A week or so ago, I was reading the blog of one of my very favorite bloggers and real life friends the infamous Ladylee, when I came upon this disclaimer:

"Warning: This a long post, maybe the longest I've ever written. I do that for a reason: I know very few will read it, so I can just flow freeeeely. That's cool, because number one, I'm not a "comment whore", and number two, 99.99999% of what I write is for ME."

I was stopped cold by this statement:

"...I'm not a "comment whore"..."

and of course, me being me I found myself wondering..."AM I A COMMENT WHORE?"

I have been blogging here on blogger since November 2005, and in that time, I have written posts that seemed to inspire a huge amount of conversation and debate and others which received not a peep of a comment out of anyone; if indeed anyone actually read them at all. If I am completely honest with you and myself, I'd have to admit that on the occasions that a post I wrote generated a lot of discussion I was estatic. However, when on the other hand one of my posts appeared to have fallen upon deaf ears based on the fact that it received ZERO comments, I typically find that I am somewhat disappointed.

When I step back and ask myself "Why it is that I blog?", the answer is always the same...I blog because I love writing and I love writing whether or not others respond to what I write. Nevertheless, at the risk of revealing my egotism, I also blog because I CRAVE the feedback some of my posts receive from those of you who honor me with your comments.

These thoughts led me to another question..."Under what conditions would I STOP blogging and if I did, would I actually delete this blog?" Now this is a question I can easily answer...I cannot conceive of a situation that would cause me to stop blogging, and if I ever did, the answer to the question "Would I delete this blog?" is NOT NO BUT HELL TO THE NAWL!! Though I actually know bloggers (through blogging) who have deleted what I thought were absolutely amazing blogs, for me that would be tantamount to amputating one of my limbs myself or killing my own child and I simply could not do it. I sometimes have nightmares about Blogger going mad as it has in the past and inadvertently deleting my blog...this is one of the few things that might keep me awake at night if I weren't such an excellent sleeper ;)

Over the past year, blogging has essentially saved my life as I dealt with the ups and downs of a relationship and its end. Admittedly, there were times when I wished I had not written some of the things I've written and at times I have even considered deleting a post or two, but always the rational side of me asks myself "Why do that?" After all, what is, is and what happened, happened...deleting the post that tells the story doesn't change the fact that it ACTUALLY happened so what would be the point of deleting the post.

I am so grateful to this little blog of mine because it has given me a venue in which I could let this little light of mine shine, shine, shine and believe me, I do my best to let it SHINE!

So now I ask YOU,

• Does the fact that I am somewhat disappointed when a post I write receives no comments make me a "comment whore"?
• Do you consider yourself to be a "comment whore"?
• Would you continue to blog if you NEVER received another comment on any post you write?
• In the event that you ever decided to stop blogging would you delete your blog?

Let me hear from you if you don't mind too terribly as this is something about which I am very curious. Also, before I go, please believe me when I say that "This is NOT the "comment whore" in me trying to solicit more comments!" LOL ;)

Twins Re-Connected By Blog ;)

Comment | Copy This

Mirror Re-Image by Sharon J. for Lovebabz

At the core of you I recognized me
Significant and glorious and fully the “I”, I strive to be
Choosing love over all else especially fear
Your voice speaks the words my brain whispers in my ear.

Your smile reflects the joy of the life I’ve been gifted
Your heart plays the rhythms on which my spirit is lifted
From your words I gather nourishment again and again
So similar are parts of our journeys, I call you my Twin.

My sibling unmet, unseen, technically unheard
We’re related by blog, by hearts, and by words
Come hell or high water I know you are there
Strengthening me, steadying me, with your soul--so rare.

Geography notwithstanding we’re connected, you and I
Not born of the same parents, the laws of genetics we defy
More alike than different yet different all the same
Lovebabz you amaze me, and thus I speak your name.

I speak it when lonely, feeling lost, or afraid
I speak it when at last into night the day fades
I speak it in exclamation when so filled with happiness I nearly burst
I speak your name because you felt all of these things first.

“How can this be?”, when I’m the older I believe
Your wisdom predates your birth and from GOD it was received
You bring knowledge from the ancestors which you generously share
Teaching us all about love and not being afraid to show we care.

You are fearless about love and your message is heard
It fortifies us and encourages us to spread the good word
Until from my lips to his ears and so on from there
This wonderful chorus becomes a new prayer.

A prayer that is being answered in you and in me
A prayer that is being realized in everything that we see
In our children, our friends, and all the loves of our lives
A prayer that began with you and now lives and now thrives.

Changing the unchangeable is what you do so well
Each and every one of us benefits from the truths that you tell
New understandings help us all to grow [as you say] in love
And though this is your birthday WE received in YOU, a special gift from above.

At the core of you I recognized me
Significant and glorious and fully the “I”, I strive to be!

© Sharon J. All Rights Reserved 2008

Forget everything else I’ve ever said, “I wanna be YOU when I grow up!

Sometimes Long-term Gratification Arrives Sooner Than You Think!

Two weeks or so ago, my son Ryan took me on the most fabulous date of my life; we went to his high school's annual Mom Prom. During this amazing once in a lifetime event, I was presented with a letter my son had written to me. This letter was so amazing that it made me cry as I read it because it was proof positive that much of what I hoped I had taught my son had been absorbed. For the first time in his life, I was able to see that my child indeed had a sensitivity for what it has taken on my part to raise him. Here is what his letter to me said:

Dear Mom,

I wanted to write this letter to thank you for all of the wonderful things you have done for me during my high school career. I really appreciated you giving me the opportunity to go to a school as great as CBC and, even more, I appreciate the many sacrifices you have made to keep me here. You have made financial sacrifices and donated countless hours of your time for not only my academics but my extra-curricular activities as well. Sacrifices this large take not only patience but love and I'd like to thank you for being patient with me and loving me through my high school experience regardless of how hard things may have been at times. I will never forget the sacrifices you have made for me and I plan on passing on the same love and patience when I have kids. Thank you for everything.

Your son,
Ryan

As they say, turnabout is fair play, so on Friday, March 21st when I received a letter from Ryan's school explaining to me that he would be participating in an overnight retreat for seniors at his school on Monday April 14th and asking me to write a letter to my son in which I should say whatever it was that I felt I wanted to say to him at this juncture in his life I jumped at the chance. I was asked to keep the letter a secret from my son and deliver or mail it to his school so that it could be given to him during the overnight retreat. As you can see by the two JPEG files of the actual letter I wrote to my son, I was able to create a watermark using his baby pictures. Since the text in the pictures is probably not legible to the average eye, I have pasted the actual text of the letter below with my son's permission. Keep in mind that since I am 25 years older than my son, I had a bit more to say! ;)

April 13, 2008

Dear Ryan,

I love you.

The day we left home to drive to Nebraska for Easter, I received a letter from CBC asking me to secretly write this letter to you and send it to the school so it could be given to you now during your senior retreat (remember Mom Prom? Turnabout is fair play they say ;). I started working on the letter the next day and only finished it this past weekend because there are so many things I want to say to you that I found it hard to put into words. The most important thing, I have already said but will say again because it is always worth repeating: “I love you”.

I can remember the day you were born and every second of your life with me since so clearly that when I look at you now, I am stunned to see the man you have become. This man seems so far removed from the happy, handsome little boy with the chubby arms that were constantly wrapped around my neck as he whispered “I love you Mommee!” in my ear. I can remember thinking as I watched you grow up that the day would come when you would grow out of “loving your Mommee”, and I was afraid of that day. Thankfully, it has never come because for some reason I will never possibly be deserving of, GOD chose to send me this amazing son who has and continues to show his love for his mother in the face of everything, even other teenagers and his newly found love of girls!

I worry that you fail to understand how truly wonderful and gifted you are so let me tell you again in writing just so you will have something to which you can refer in the future if ever you are unsure. First of all and maybe most importantly, you have a great heart. You care about other people and you show them that you do most of the time. That is a gift from GOD that I pray you will embrace, cherish, and never allow yourself to lose or take for granted. It is your heart, (not your head) that will always help you to do what is right; so give it the respect it deserves always and it will never steer you wrong.

Your personality sets you apart from the rest of the crowd; it has since the day you were born. You are interesting and fun to be around and that is why people have and always will love you and want to be a part of your inner circle. Since you were a very small child, you were a leader amongst other children, and almost every adult to whom I have ever introduced you has said something about having “the feeling” that one day you will be a huge success in this world. You have always inspired that sensation in people which makes you a success even now…you exude potential and as you try to realize as much of your potential as you can, you will experience a life filled with wonder and excitement.

You are a natural-born comedian; face it Dude…you are funny! Additionally, you are much smarter than your mother though you have never believed this to be true. The fact of the matter is, in order to be funny one must first be smart. You are still not convinced of the fact that you are indeed very smart, but one day you are going to be so surprised to learn that a person with the quality of brain DNA you have received from both of your family trees cannot help but have a beautiful mind to go along with that beautiful face ;)

Last but not least by a long shot, let me discuss that awe-inspiring “right brain-ness” of yours. YOU ARE AN AMAZING ARTIST! Way back in time when you were 3 or 4 years old, even I, (the anti-artist ;) could see how artistically talented you are. I have a portfolio of drawings you did then which I kept because they impressed me even then. However, I had no idea about the level of talent you would demonstrate as time passed. The visual art you create is truly world-class. From your cartooning to your logo designs to the computer art that you have breathed life into, I am constantly in awe of what you can do! Little did I know until much later that it went far beyond visual art forms and you were musically inclined as well. My favorite pastime is listening to you play the piano. You have no idea how brilliantly you play but I do, and I hope you will continue to explore and learn more about the piano as well as continue to develop your interests in other areas of music. Music though it does not come directly from me (lol!) is also a gift of both of your family trees which makes it as natural to you as breathing; so please let this gift keep on giving.

I know I have to stop this at some point, but there are so many things I want to say to you and this could be the only/last opportunity I ever have to help you to understand what you have brought to my life; so I will not take it for granted. YOU HAVE BEEN AN ONGOING AND CONSTANTLY THRILLING GIFT TO ME!! Even on our worst days with each other (some report card days, “clean this pit of a room days”, “why do I have to tell you the same thing over and over days”, etc. ;), you have been the best thing that EVER HAS OR WILL happen to me. You have saved my life without knowing it so many times that the only word that really describes you is HERO…my hero that is. As I told you in my email to you last week, your graduation from high school is YOUR accomplishment of which I get to be proud because it is proof positive that you are indeed becoming the man I hoped I was raising. I am very proud of you for graduating high school, but more so for everything else you are and have/will accomplish in your life. You have exceeded all expectations of the kind of person I hoped my son would be. I wish for you as you head out into the world on your own for the first time, what you have brought to me in such abundance: LOVE AND HAPPINESS!!!

One of these days in the not too distant future, some very blessed young woman is going to have the good fortune to have you fall in love with her. She is going to go to bed one night as an ordinary person and then wake up on the day she meets you not knowing that her life is going to be fantastically changed forever that day because of the simple fact that GOD loves her so much! When she wakes up that morning, she is going to be just as clueless as I was on November 14th 1989 because she won’t have any idea that like HE showed me on November 15th 1989, GOD is about to show her HIS love for her by sending to her one of HIS most perfect creations, my son…the smiling, joking, laughing little boy who has matured into the brilliant, talented, awesome man now known as

Mr. Ryan Alexander Jenkins.

Thank you for the privilege and indescribable joy of having been your mother.

Sincerely yours forever,
Ms. Sharon L. Jenkins, preferably known as Mom

My son told me upon returning home from the retreat yesterday that he almost cried when he read his letter. He shared with me that during some of the retreat workshops when other students were asked their impressions of him many spoke of the same characteristics and traits I had spoken of in my letter (i.e. his leadership abilities, intelligence, sense of humor, and artistic skills). In a word, my son was mesmerized by this experience and somewhat shocked to hear the same things being said about him by kids as well as his Mom. Me, I am wholly gratified by the lifelong blessing of getting to be his mother!

In closing, Lauren Hill expresses it best except she mistakenly uses the name Zion instead of Ryan!!! ;)

ENTITLED?

In Honor of SAAM...
Written on Friday, April 11, 2008 in honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM), a cause about which my best new friend Xavier Pierre (Zay) is quite passionately active and vocal. He has inspired so many of those I know and love to share their voice on this issue that I wanted to let my voice be heard as well. Little do we know what we are truly starting when we start anything at all...nice going Zay!

ENTITLED?

From where does it come?
That sense of being entitled to me you possess.
I am not yours.
I am mine.
I belong to me.

With total authority you enter me.
Your lack of consideration for what’s good for me never ceases to astound.
It’s all about you.
It’s not about me.
It’s your world.

Without permission you overwhelm.
You take all you want though none of what you take is yours.
I am here, but not.
I wish me away.
I am here.

Suddenly you come; then go.
Leaving me to try to separate myself from what you leave behind.
In your wake -- a shell.
In the darkness -- devastation.
Inside -- nothing.

Forever has lasted so long.
Surprised to discover forever is not the same as always; forever has finally ended.
Always is my new beginning.
Always has restored me.
Always I will be.

I am not yours.
I am mine.
I belong to me.

© Sharon J. All Rights Reserved 2008

Hands Down The Best Date Ever!!!

In this world, a girl/woman is lucky if she is gifted with one man who truly loves her. Me...so far I've been blessed with two. It started with my Daddy who I spoke about in this post. It continues with my son who has been the subject of so many posts such as this one, and this one, and this one...you get the point. ***BIG GRIN***

The fact of the matter is that thanks to the blessing of having been loved unconditionally by these two amazing men, this sistah here can recognize a good man when she runs across one. What that means to the rest of the world and especially to any man who might wish to insert himself into this sistah's life is that he better come correct because she has been loved by the best and they have set a standard that he MUST be able to match!

Now if you would be so kind as to join me for a little video montage of my best date ever!!!


And as an added bonus, let's all "Crank That Soldier Boy!!!"

Let's Just Say That This Just Happens To Be Where My Head Is At Today....

This is a little something I wrote recently about no one in particular and every man I've ever loved or wanted to love in general...

Here's a little theme music to go along with it...make it go down nice and easy for you :) Y'all know I be feeling me some Jilly from Philly!


ALWAYS ALONE

Never thought I could miss you in your presence.
I know now I can.
With your arrival comes the painful anticipation of your departure.
While in your company the loneliness of your inevitable absence is acute.
When you’ve gone, the happy expectation of our next encounter swells inside me;
even though it is in your presence that I feel the most alone.

"Wo-MAN UP!" I tell myself, as your presence is what I crave.
I only pray I can.
"Live for the here and now and let the future handle itself", I advise me.
"Live, laugh, and love my time with you," I tell me "and relish each second together".
"Live each moment as if it were my last with you," I say, "without looking for tomorrows".
Even though it is in your presence that I feel the most alone.

So that’s just what I do, I celebrate being in your presence.
I simply do what I can.
I smile, laugh, chat, debate, and reach out and touch you often.
I savor you, your intelligence, your energy, the raw masculinity of you.
I convince myself that you are here to stay and in that moment I actually believe me.
Even though it is in your presence that I feel the most alone.

Can you make it go away?


© Sharon J. All Rights Reserved 2008

With 206 bones in the human body, sooner or later I was bound to damage one; wasn't I??

To put it mildly, it's been a rough week. Plain and simply y'all, a sista is tired, tired, tired. It's all good though 'cuz I've been here before and I know that this too shall pass. Here's the quick recap just to bring y'all up to date on ya gurl...

Left The Lou last Friday afternoon and headed to Nebraska to spend Easter with my BFF and her family. Putting the petal to the metal, I turned what highway laws intended to be a nine hour trip into a seven and a half hour adventure, arriving at my gurl's spot a little before midnight. After sitting up catching up with her until 2am, I went to bed and got up and commenced to spend the day shopping for clothing and all of the necessary groceries required to prepare the Easter Feast she and I planned. On a happy note, I found all kinds of deals on clothing as she lives in a very small, basically rural community in central Nebraska and thankfully since farmers don't have a lot of use for designer duds, all manner of gorgeous articles of clothing found their way to the not 50%, not 75%, BUT 85% off rack!!! Glory be y'all, Ms. Just Write Now was fixta be stylin and profilin' but I digress.

After spending the day shopping, the BFF and I began the preparations for the Easter Feast and as she was preparing more dishes than I, I volunteered to clean her new hardwood floors throughout the house for our Easter celebration as the workmen who were doing the remodel on her kitchen and deck had tracked it horribly with their boots. To put the size and scope of this job into perspective, I'll simply say this, her house is two stories and contains over 6500 square footage of living space and the entire first floor with the exception of a small office and her bedroom had been converted to hard wood flooring in the remodel. Suffice it to say that when I was done, I knew for sure I had done some work! But it's all good, that's how she and I do, and believe me you when I say she has gone so far beyond that floor for me til it ain't even funny. Once again, for the second consecutive night, I hit the bed about 2am.

Sunday dawned and we finished the dinner preparations and entertained 11 for a scrumptious dinner. Following the massive clean-up, I was so tired I simply wanted to find a bed and fall in but as our 18 year old sons were both out and she had to work the next morning, I agreed to be the one to wait up for them to make sure they arrived home safely. Once again, bedtime for me wasn't until 2am.

Monday morning I got up around 8am and prepared for the return drive home. Making the trip in about 8 hours, I went to bed to prepare to drive Ryan to visit the last of the colleges he is considering attending next year. After a 2 hour drive there, we spent the day touring the campus, (walking), visiting professors and departments (more walking), and hanging out with football players and coaches (still more walking), all of which I did in boots with 3 inch heels. Ryan loved the school and the people and it is most likely where he will be going next year. Another 2 hour trip brought me back home where I was thrilled to find the mountain of work that had accumulated since my last day at work the previous Friday. I also had to prepare for my boss who was scheduled to work with me again on Thursday after having been in town to work with me only a week before on the previous Wednesday.

Before I could dig into the work however, my mother phoned to tell me one of my favorite aunts was in the hospital and had been hooked to a ventilator as she was unable to breathe for herself. Of course I immediately went to the hospital to interpret for my family and to see about my aunt first hand. She was in pretty bad shape as she was unable to communicate and was also on a feeding tube in addition to the ventilator. I had the unpleasant task of explaining to those in the decision-making positions what her options were and what my aunt's apparent prognosis was and at that point; it wasn't very good. Remaining at the hospital until 11:30pm or so, I finally went home and returned again on Wednesday night as well.

On a bright note, I also attended the Jill Scott concert with my pregnant girlfriend and her husband who promptly got into a fight (the husband) with a random guy because he says the guy bumped/hit their car with his body (not another car mind you). Keep in mind that it was raining cats and dogs in The Lou that night and as I watched from the warm, dryness of my own car, I assure you I had absolutely no intentions of getting out. That is until my knuckle-headed, pregnant girlfriend jumps out of their car and tries to break up the fight. Instinct took over for me as I feared she or their unborn baby might be hurt and jumped out of my car to help break these fools apart. After getting my friend's husband back into their car with some not so nice words of encouragement and a good, old-fashioned, round-the-way gurl push, we finally parked and went into the concert for which we were 30 minutes late. That's alright tho y'all cause Ms. Jilly most certainly did NOT disappoint a sistah! SHE BLEW IT UP!!!

Thursday comes and I work with the boss again, do hospital duty with the aunt who is MUCH, MUCH, MUCH improved though still on the ventilator which is now doing only 40% of the breathing for her, and then at long last, I go to bed early.

Waking refreshed on Friday morning, who knew that in just seven short hours, I would be on my way to the local ER having stubbed the third toe of my right foot on the suitcase sitting on my bedroom floor that I had yet to unpack from last weekend's trip to Nebraska. X-rays showed a spiral fracture at the point the arrow is pointing to in the picture at the beginning of this post. Once again, my tendency to procrastinate about doing things I know I should do immediately has been my undoing. Ryan's Mom Prom is next Friday night, and I bought the cutest dress for it just yesterday. It is short, and the look of my foot in this oh so attractive fracture boot is not quite the fashion statement I had planned to make. Additionally, Ryan and I had planned to put every other mother-son combination to shame on the dance floor at this event we have been looking forward to for four long years.

Oh well, no use crying at this point as I know that it will all work out because everything always does. HOWEVER, I'll say it again y'all, this sistah here is tired, tired, tired...I'm going to go to bed now ;b

I exist, therefore I am...and now you're telling me I have to have a purpose too?

A certain curly-headed lurker called me up last night to ask me questions about the concept of "purpose" in one's life. We had quite an extensive discussion about this ideology, and before I realized it was happening, I had discovered that in some wierd transmutation of the universe, I truly don't believe that each of us has a singular purpose so to speak to fulfill during our time here on earth!

Now before passing sentence on me and banishing me from ever even speaking the title of Mr. Warren's book aloud again, please bear with me while I try to explain my shocking perspective.

While it is important to understand that I am without question a person who is quite driven in life, I believe it is equally important to understand that I am not necessarily driven in quite the same way that many profess themselves to be driven, i.e. by purpose. A hard worker by upbringing and an over-achiever by nature (or so my son says), I am driven by myself and my response to my personal work ethic along with a desire to never be the proverbial "dumbass" in any room to do what I must to excel in every endeavor I attempt.

Tonight, while hanging quietly in my room reading blogs and trying to come up with a topic for this post, my beautiful, intelligent, and remarkably self-contained [especially for a 24 year-old] Goddaughter [the afore-mentioned curly-haired lurker] called to ask me my opinions on my personal purpose in life. Remembering what 24 was like, I was actually somewhat hesitant to share my views on purpose with her for fear that it would derail her from the path that 24 year olds inevitably find themselves traveling. After a short amount of introspections, I decided to do what I always do when it comes to this amazing individual and give her the unvarnished truth as I see/live it.

I explained to her that in my opinion, "Purpose" as a concept is quite overrated. Let me try to explain what I mean by this statement...

1. I believe that too many people spend too much time and exert way too much energy "looking for their purpose in life". In my opinion, purpose is something that is specific to wherever an individual is at any given moment in life and as such is a different thing for the same individual depending on the stage of life they may be in at any given time. That means that like most things in life, a person's purpose probably changes as a consequence of all of the other changes that are constantly happening in one's life. This being the case, it would seem to me that this idea of one's "Purpose" being the singular defining reason for why they were sent to this earth in the first place is way too big to accommodate any phenomenon with such a huge propensity for change.
   
2. If one does decide to take the position that we each have a specific singular purpose we are supposed to fulfill while here, a look down the road and into a future where that purpose has or has not been fulfilled results in a couple of questions that I believe it is important to answer. In scenario I, one fulfills his/her purpose by the ripe old age of 30...what's next? If purpose is a singular, overriding, and defining reason for why we are here, what is left for the individual who manages to find and fulfill his/her purpose quickly? Do they get a new purpose? Do we all get more than one? If we each have a singular purpose for which we were put here, what is this individual supposed to do with the rest of his/her life? What happens now? In scenario II, let's assume the individual never discovers nor fulfills his/her purpose...what happens here? Does this mean this person's life has been a waste and he/she is a failure at life? Should he/she continue to try to "find" a purpose or should he/she just give up and accept their perceived failure? If he/she does find "a new purpose" does that mean that they were mistaken about what they thought was their purpose before, or is this so-called "new purpose" a cop out? The fact that in either of these scenarios the individual is left to figure out what to do next seems to belie the idea of a singular purpose in any of our lives.
   
3. Another issue I have with the concept of a singular purpose is that for far too many people, purpose seems to relate to their occupation or vocation when in my view of the world if one were to be given a singular purpose to fulfill, I would think it would be connected to things that bring more value to the average individual's life than what we do to cover the cost of living. Though I fully understand that some of us actually do work at jobs that we truly love and that we find fulfilling, it is my belief that the mass majority of us work at jobs that are just that jobs...and have very little to do with any greater purpose our lives may have.

I could continue building this list of reasons why I don't personally subscribe to the idea of a singular purpose in my own life, but I won't because who has time for all of that? I will add this point from my own personal experience here on earth that just might shed a little more light on my views. If I were asked to define my own singular purpose in life if indeed I have one, I would have to say that it would be to have been my son's mother. However, this is something I would answer with the wisdom of the perspective of hindsight working for me. When I discovered that I was pregnant almost 20 years ago, I can assure you that I felt absolutely no sense of this pregnancy possibly being the first step to me fulfilling any purpose I might have been given in this life. Even as I raised this fantastic little boy to manhood, I still felt no sense of this being my purpose though I admit to having enjoyed doing this one thing more than anything else I've done. Additionally, now that my son is a man and well on his way to being on his own in the world, if being his mother was the singular purpose assigned to me by the cosmos or whatever entity is responsible for assigning purpose, does that mean I'm done now? Of course it doesn't, and for this reason more than anything else maybe, I don't buy into the idea of a singular purpose in life.

Not subscribing to the idea of a singular purpose has made my life easier in many ways in my opinion. I have spent virtually no time in the past 43 years comparing myself to others as it relates to where I happen to be at any point in my life. I don't find myself looking at those who have attained educational goals that I still aspire to achieve and thinking that they have done a better job of deciphering and attaining their purpose in this world. I don't look at married couples and think they are further along the path to fulfilling their purpose than I am. I don't find myself falling into depressions with the advent of my birthday each year because I am not where I thought I'd be by "x" date or point in time; to the contrary, I anticipate each birthday with the same excitement I had for my birthday as a child. As a matter of fact, though I spend a significant amount of time planning for my future, I DO NOT have a 5, 10, 15... or any other number of years plan; don't get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with making these kinds of plans...I simply don't do them. I definitely make plans for myself and my future such as my current "plan" to become a published author (I'm already a writer ;) within the calendar year running from February 1, 2008 to January 31, 2009. Notice I am writing that very specific and measureable goal here in the public realm for each of you to read and if you want attempt to hold me accountable to achieving. As I write it, I fully expect to fulfill this goal; however, if I don't, such is life...I'll change the "complete by date" and try again with absolutely no shame in my game regardless of what any of you might have to say about it! LOL!

If I believe in the concept of a singular purpose at all, I'd have to say it is with a caveat. I believe that if indeed we have a singular purpose in life, it must minimally be similar to the way other positive characteristics are assigned to us...things like beauty, intelligence, personality, etc. I think if indeed we each have a purpose in life, that purpose whatever it may be is not assigned to each of us to the same degree. What I mean by this is that much like physical beauty is possessed by each of us to some degree, some possess more and some possess less, purpose in my opinion probably operates much the same way. This explains to my satisfaction those people I meet on rare occasions who seem to be doing exactly what fulfills them and utilizes the gifts they possess to the utmost potential. These individuals are to purpose what Halle Berry and Dorothy Dandridge (according to many) was to the idea of black, feminine beauty. This also reinforces for me why for the majority of us for whom purpose is not so obviously an identifiable gift, spending inordinate amounts of time and energy trying to discern it might not be a sensible idea.

The take-away folks is that purpose should be a good thing in one's life. It should focus us on the creation of goals and objectives that if achieved should hopefully enrich our lives. At the same time, as it focuses us, our purpose should be flexible and capable of being adjusted, modified, or even scrapped without leaving us to feel we have failed or even worse, that we are failures. Purpose should inspire us to do great things, not convict us about the things we are doing. In too many cases, I find that those "purpose driven individuals" that I personally know are much too hard on themselves. They are often found stressing over how much of their lives have passed with them not yet having identified their purpose...or worse, they are distraught over the thought that they may never be able to fulfill the purpose they believe they have identified. So much energy focused on something that should be a positive influence in our lives and yet seems so often to be such a negative force in our lives can't be a good thing. So as a happily purposeless woman, I'd like to offer the following suggestions...

RELAX and let yourself do whatever it is that you do!

If indeed we each do have a specific singular purpose to fulfill, it will surely find us so don't stress over it. If we each have multiple purposes to fulfill, I am sure those will find us too. Even if the final verdict is that there is no such thing as purpose, that's okay too because if each of us are doing whatever it is that we do, I assure you that we will be doing what it is we are supposed to be doing and in my opinion, none of us can expect any more from ourselves than that!

So let me hear from you now...Do you believe you have a singular purpose? Have you identified it yet? Is it something you expect to be able to identify? Have you fulfilled it yet? What if you never find it...what then?

I AIN'T MISSING YOU...I Can Lie To Myself...Can't I?

Okay peeps, here's my story...

See what had happened waz I made a new friend who I like a whole, whole lot. My new friend is a guy and regardless of what y'all might be thinking right now he really is a new friend even if he does also happen to be a guy ;)

What was that? Is he a boyfriend? Are we romantically involved? The answers to these questions are as follows:

• I MET A NEW FRIEND!
• No!
• No!

However, if I am completely honest with myself, I'd have to say that there are definitely moments when I think that I'd like the answers to those last two questions to be yes and yes! As most of you know, I have recently (like in less than a year ago) gotten out of a pretty intense relationship, so based on that, I'm truly trying to take things slowly for a minute as I feel the need to regroup and find my own center again. Nevertheless, I can say that the possibilities presented by this new friendship could definitely include a romance down the line as far as I'm concerned!

Since meeting, we have spent huge amounts of time talking to each other and as of late, we've also spent a good amount of time in each other's company though no romantic liaisons have been formed. Also, it is important to note that it has only been a few days (since Sunday) that we have not talked or spent time together and I'm sure it is just a consequence of us both being busy and working opposite schedules. So what is the point of this post you ask? Simply put, it is this...spending time together and having such great (and long, on average 4-6 hours long) conversations have quickly become things I enjoy doing with him. I've already developed such a fondness for the times we share with each other that I look forward to them and when they don't occur as regularly as I'd like them to, I find that I miss them/him. I am a woman who loves consistency. I crave it like some women crave chocolate. I love forming habits that are good for me, and I'm sure that spending lots of time with this particular person is very, very good for me.

Most of y'all probably won't believe this isn't about lust...well of course there are moments when it very well might be about lust, but I swear that most of the time it is simply about wanting to spend more time doing what I have come to love doing so much...being in his presence.

So I ask y'all, under these circumstances where there is no official relationship other than a pretty cool azz developing friendship is it alright to want/wish for consistency? In the absence of a romantic liaison (even though sometimes I feel a very definite romantic spark) is it okay to miss him? If it is alright to miss him, is it alright to let him know he is missed? If it isn't alright to let him know he is missed, why isn't it? Is that playing games?, ('cause if it is, I don't do that)...Finally, if it isn't appropriate to let him know he is missed, at what point does it become okay if indeed it ever does?

I know one thing is real, whether or not it actually applies to my situation, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS SONG...both when it was originally recorded by John Waite as well as Tina's version which I am providing for y'all right here...ENJOY!

I am adding this poem to this post b/c I made a promise to a friend to publish ALL poetry that I write to publish on other blogs, somewhere on this blog TOO...

2am

The loudest quiet ever is 2am.
When you’re lying there;
eyes squeezed shut, wishing
the phone would ring. Wishing
you were not in bed alone. Wishing
2am was not so loud that it kept keeping you awake.

The brightest darkness occurs at 2am.
When dazzling light appears;
from behind your eyelids shining
so brightly you can’t sleep. Shining
the dull façade of heartache. Shining
the dark of night to the glare of noon, keeping you awake.

The most enthusiastic sadness happens at 2am.
When despair captures you;
and visits upon you its willing
victim, tears and fears. Willing
you to wallow in sorrow. Willing
you to relinquish optimism and hope while keeping you awake.

Hold on…with the morning comes renewal.

© Sharon J. All Rights Reserved 2008

Hillary Gives The Phrase "BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY..." A Whole New Meaning!

Somewhere she completely missed the concept of TEAM. I'm guessing no one ever told her there is no "I" in "TEAM", and that even if there were, there is a way to promote one's self even while playing as a member of the team. Perhaps she doesn't realize that being a member of the Democratic Party makes her an assumed member of the same team on which Mr. Obama plays even as he promotes himself as a standout star of said team. When winning is so important one is willing to elevate one's ultimate opponent (read: JOHN MCCAIN) above one's team mate (read: BARACK OBAMA) and intermediate opponent (and if her rhetoric holds any water, her possible future "running mate"), in my humble opinion, ONE IS LOST and winning or losing for that matter doesn't much matter because they become the same thing.

Still don't believe that for Mrs. Clinton the program is WIN AT ALL/ANY COST? Click this link:

http://news.aol.com/newsbloggers/2008/03/11/ill-go-to-democratic-convention-with-a-pitchfork-if-hillary-ste/ where you can find the article that goes along with this clip:

Through it all, Mr. Obama continues to forge his path ahead without sacrificing the class and grace that are without question among the many qualities that first endeared him to me as a candidate. The take-away here is that just because the pitcher pitches low balls to you, YOU don't necessarily have to stoop to HER level in order to hit them. YOU can hit the low ball pitched to you without lowering the standard YOU bring to the game. Don't believe me...WATCH AND LEARN:

OH, and by the way, I knew Mr. Obama had won TEXAS!

http://news.aol.com/political-machine/2008/03/11/its-official-clinton-lost-texas/

BE EVER VIGILANT FOLKS...We've seen this before, so let's not stand by and take it this time! MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD!!!

(I'm sorry for a second political rant in a row, but I get soooooooooo upset by folk who don't play fair. A huge believer in the thought process that says we all learned "EVERYTHING WE NEEDED TO KNOW IN KINDERGARTEN", I find all of this to be a bit difficult to swallow. However, all of that notwithstanding, I promise no more politics for at least a week, maybe even two ;)

This Black Woman Supports Mr. Barack Obama...and she ain't afraid to say it!!!

Can anyone tell me where these political pundits get off with this assumption that because I am a black woman who supports Mr. Barack Obama's candidacy for president, I am simply delivering my support to him because of the fact that we both happen to be black?

• I have never, ever voted for Jesse Jackson for any reason...I wouldn't vote him dogcatcher; oh and btw, he's black too.
• Before this election, I have never voted for any black candidate for the Presidency of the United States and I was black in all the previous elections in which I voted too.
• I have voted for many white candidates for any number of offices even in some instances when there was a black candidate running as the opponent; but I guess they probably assumed I punched the wrong chad.
  

If you are able to answer that question, let's try another one. Please explain to me (slowly as you must realize that as a black woman my ability to comprehend is limited at best and you may lose me if you go too fast **smh**) why it is that the converse is not the case; meaning that when a white male or female votes for Billary or McCain or any other of the multitudes of available caucasian candidates the same assumption is not made?

• I suppose white folks vote the issues because...why again?
• It reminds me of an incident that occurred on my last job where this brother (i.e. African-American colleague) would not join me and the 3 other black co-workers in our division for lunch in the corporate lunch room for fear he would be seen as "only cavorting with blacks". First of all, I don't cavort; however, if I choose to start, why I ask you must we be concerned about such things when white folks find that they can sit with/vote for whomever without racial assumptions being drawn. I say, "I'll sit wherever and vote for whomever I damned well please and anyone who has a problem with that can kiss my....!"

Now that you're all warmed up, I'm sure you will be able to knock this one out of the park for me! Why is it that the fact that I CHOOSE to support the candidacy of Mr. Barack Obama MUST BE all about race when the fact that some caucasians CHOOSE not to support him MUST BE about anything else BUT race?

• Because the fact of the matter is that it is NOT POSSIBLE that white folks in American would choose not to support for president the perfect man to take the reigns of this country based on one reason, BECAUSE HE IS A BLACK MAN...
  

Tired yet? You should be, 'cause believe me when I say, "I most definitely am!" I AM TIRED! Tired of having my intelligence be considered suspect because I have chosen to support the candidate I BELIEVE best aligns with what I consider to be the most urgent needs of this country: GETTING THE HELL OUT OF IRAQ YESTERDAY and ELECTING A PRESIDENT WHO ACTUALLY REMEMBERS THAT THOSE WHO WORK THE HARDEST DAY IN AND DAY OUT TO MAKE THIS COUNTRY THE AMAZING PLACE IT HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BE (yeah I said it dammit, **POTENTIAL** 'cause we damned sure ain't there yet! So bring it on, I can take it just like Michelle!) DESERVE A PRESIDENT WHO WILL WORK ON THEIR BEHALF TOO!

I'm tired of folk who don't even know me and who can't begin to relate to what my experience has been trying to tell me what MY ISSUES are. All this talk about Obama supporters being conned by his eloquent speeches makes me wonder if these so called "political analysts" have ever listened to a word Mr. Obama has spoken. Please someone tell me what part of "I plan to withdraw our troops from Iraq within a year and a half" isn't about the issues facing this country. What part of "I have a plan for Universal Healthcare that does not involve garnishing an individual's payroll or blocking his/her ability to secure gainful employment" is not about the issues facing this country? At what point does "Instead of giving no-bid contracts to companies headed by the President's former campaign manager, we will make sure that rebuilding benefits the local economy. I have worked across the aisle in the Senate to crack down on no-bid contracts, and to make sure that emergency contracting is only done immediately after an emergency. When I am President, if there is a job that can be done by a New Orleans resident, the contract will go to a resident of New Orleans. And we'll provide tax incentives to businesses that choose to set up shop in the hardest hit areas. " fail to address one of the major issues facing New Orleans and the the areas hardest hit by Hurricane Katrina which even now, more than two years later is still virtually a devastated wasteland. In this world of political pundits dictating for us what our votes mean and/or say we believe I ask you why does this perspective "Each year, as we watch the State of the Union, we see half the chamber rise to applaud the President and half the chamber stay in their seats. We see half the country tune in to watch, but know that much of the country has stopped even listening. Imagine if next year was different. Imagine if next year, the entire nation had a president they could believe in. A president who rallied all Americans around a common purpose. That's the kind of President we need in this country. And with your help in the coming days and weeks, that's the kind of President I will be." not receive more airtime? I don't know about you, but I have not had many phone calls or pieces of literature mailed to me by the republican candidates appealing to me to forget party alignment and work with them to realize this country's promise. Does the fact that Mr. Obama spoke out very specifically against the accepted politics of getting things done in Washington D.C. in this passage, "It's a game where lobbyists write check after check and Exxon turns record profits, while you pay the price at the pump, and our planet is put at risk. That's what happens when lobbyists set the agenda, and that's why they won't drown out your voices anymore when I am President of the United States of America." fail in some way to elucidate his stand on the issue of the power of Washington lobbyists and large corporations?

Most of all, I need it to be known that I resent with every single cell in my body when I am beat over the head and ridiculed for what most draws me to this particular candidate...our (his and my) shared belief in this:

"Now when I start talking like this, some folks tell me that I've got my head in the clouds. That I need a reality check. That we're still offering false hope. But my own story tells me that in the United States of America, there has never been anything false about hope."

and this:

"But we always knew that hope is not blind optimism. It's not ignoring the enormity of the task ahead or the roadblocks that stand in our path. It's not sitting on the sidelines or shirking from a fight. Hope is that thing inside us that insists, despite all evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it, and to work for it, and to fight for it. "

See, the truth of the matter is that I was raised on hope! I was fed it at least 3 times a day and then my feedings were supplemented with more hope for snack times. It is my belief that in a world full of folks who want to believe that they have all the answers, the only smart thing to do is to find the one who offers hope along with his/her answers as nothing else much matters once they find out that their answers were not necessarily the solution to what ails us. When that point is reached, once the answers have run dry, the only thing left to fall back on is a good dose of hope; it enables one to brush oneself off and try again. Lack of hope results in stagnation as one becomes stuck wherever one is...sounds like the State of Our Union today doesn't it? We have no hope under the current administration and are all just trying to "tread water" until someone/something comes to rescue us. This one thing I know for sure, we are our own rescue squad and by voting to bring hope back into the politics of America, we can not only rescue ourselves, we can rescue our country. One of these days, those candidates who ridicule the hope offered as a primary platform in the Obama campaign will find that their answers (like the answers of so many before them and maybe even the answers of Mr. Obama) are NOT the solutions to the problems we face that they were expecting them to be. When that day comes, I hope their address is not 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue; because if indeed that is the case, we as a country will be faced once again with the perpetuation of all the issues that currently plague this nation and at the same time, find that we are doomed yet again to another long, painful season devoid of hope. I can't promise you that Mr. Obama has the right answers, but what I can promise is that if he finds that he doesn't, he will have the one key ingredient necessary for staying the course and trying again. How many of the other candidates in this electoral process offer anything similar to that?

This IS THE ONLY TIME YOU WILL EVER HEAR ME SAY THIS...but please, I beg of you, take Bill Clinton's advice...

(obviously said while campaigning for Kerry...still no less true today!)

I Was A Poem

I was a poem once.
I was the memory of Christmases past.
I was the feeling of anticipation of the last day of school.
I was the joy of summertime, hide and seek, red rovers, and tag.
I was his childhood.

I was a poem once.
I was the aroma of bacon on Sunday mornings.
I was the comfort of hugs, kisses, and talk of “when I grow up”.
I was the feeling of being tucked in tight preventing bed bug bites.
I was his security.

I was a poem once.
I was a cross my heart, hope to die, needle in eye girl.
I was a pinky swear, blood brothers, “you my dawg” ace in the hole.
I was “the only one who ever really knew me at all”, all the way down sistah.
I was his confidante.

I was a poem once.
I was a safe harbor in rough waters.
I was shelter from the cold, harsh reality of life’s storms.
I was nourishment, blazing fireplaces, and a shoulder to lean on.
I was his home.

I was a poem once.
I was the vision of breeze bent palm trees.
I was the scent of pineapples and pure cane sugar traveling on the wind.
I was the sound of ocean waves lapping the shore on a brilliant sunny day.
I was his vacation.

I was a poem once.
I was the alpha AND I was the omega of love.
I was the yin to the yang that was he, forever.
I was “the one” without whom the continuation of breathing made no sense.
I was all that and a bag of chips; the good kind, the make you lick your fingers kind.
I was his life.

I was a poem once.
One day I’ll be a poem again.
Soon.


© Sharon J. All Rights Reserved 2008

Life As Defined By Poetry And Math

The New Obama Video by Will.I.Am.

Originally this video was not a part of this post. It was added as an afterthought because upon stumbling across it out here in the world wide web I love so much, I felt it also represents another aspect of the poetry that is life for me right now so I decided to do an uprecedented thing and add it into an existing blog post. I hope you liked it.

Those who know me well know that I am a lover of all things beautiful. Not just beauty in the physical sense of the word, though I admire physical beauty as well. However, right now, I'm thinking of beauty along more poetic lines.

I love the beauty of family relationships. I love knowing that even when feeling isolated and alone, I only have to reach out to my family and some or even all of them will be at my side surrounding me with love and happiness in an instant. This kind of love and assurance makes life poetic in my opinion.

I love the beauty of my friendships. I love having been born into a wonderful family that is enhanced, extended, and diversified by the amazingly wonderful people that GOD chooses to pass through my life as friends. Some were sent to me very early on and have stayed with me from that time to this. Some have only recently shown up on the scene, but fit like a pair of jeans I've worn since high school (that is, assuming I could fit any pair of jeans I owned in high school still ;-) ....soon, baby soon!). And there are even those who show up just to fulfill a specific role and then pass on through never to be heard from or seen again; and never to be forgotten. Regardless of when they show up or how long they stay, my friends bring music, light, and poetry to my life that fills me with wonder and amazement even in my darkest hours. Once again, an example of life's majestic poetry.

I love being in love with black men. I love so many things about being in love with black men I don't even know where to begin. I love the way they have of putting their hand in the small of my back and leading me oh so gently into a room. I love the deep resonance of the black man's voice, even those who are tenors. I love the feel of their breath on my neck as they stand behind me in their attempt to support me and keep me strong. I love that when I find one that wants to be there for me, he is SO THERE that it is impossible for me to feel afraid of anything. I love the way black men call me "Baby"...HAVE MERCY! Okay, this is only one point of this post so I'll stop here, but make no mistake about it, I LOVE BLACK MEN...I DO, I DO, I DO, DO , DO! By my standards, black men are definitely living poetry.

I love so many things of beauty, but when I stop to think about it, I think I may love the beauty of words the most. I guess you could say that words to me are one of life's most precious gifts.

I love words because they have the power to do anything. Words are the true SUPER HEROES of my world as they are able not only to leap tall buildings in a single bound, but they can bring smiles, cause laughter, elicit tears, and even save lives; on the other hand, words have the power to destroy. WORDS CAN DO ANYTHING MY HEART DESIRES THEM TO DO! Words provide each and every one of us with the power to be anything and anyone we choose to be, if we follow just one simple rule. We must understand that words are powerful and once spoken, they have the power to change everything so we must be ever-vigilant that the words we speak are spoken ALWAYS in love so as not to bring about destruction and devastation; because once spoken, no matter what, words cannot be taken back no matter how much one might wish they could be.

I love words because they are able to be used by anyone...THEY are the great equalizer. Whether used to relay stories of truth or fiction, fact or fantasy, prose or poetry, words can be used in some amazing way by anyone willing to take the time to use them. That being said, I am only recently discovering that my favorite way to use and to see words be used is in the poetic sense. I've been blessed in the last month to meet through this amazing world of blogging some of the most wonderful wordsmiths I've ever come across. I'm feeling kind of lazy right now so I did not create the links, but if you love words like I love words, then you should do yourself a favor and click the following links in my blogroll to the left:

• Bloggers' Delight To Write - You will find amazing poetry from various blogger/poets.
• Sojourner G - You will find beautiful, lyrical poetry, most with a connection to scripture.
• DUETS - You will find poetic collaborations created by various blogger/poets who have brought together their beautifully, poetic minds.
• Lovebabz - You will find stories about real life told with amazing candor and honesty with the clarity of the most expensive crystal; each supported by poetry from some of the most amazing poets on the planet.
• Ali's Zay - You will find not only amazing poetry here, but some of the most evocative photography I've ever seen along with an amazing story of one black man's ongoing, all-consuming passion for his beautiful, black woman.

Yes, without question, poetry is my favorite life form if indeed what I believe to be true is true: Words are life, and life is poetry. I know for many, poetry is viewed as bourgois, elitest, and just plain old boring. However, the world has changed and poetry is changing right along with it. From Edgar Allen Poe's Raven and Annabelle Lee to Maya Angelou's Phenomenal Woman to Ms. Just Write Now's The One...A History of Black Women, (I always wanted to see my name and the title of one of my own poetic creations listed next to these individuals who are both two of my all time favorite poets...see how words work ;-) there is something in the world of poetry for everyone. The only thing required to find the poetry that fits you, is to go and try some on!

So in closing, I want to leave you all with a little algebra because though not necessarily explicitly poetic in and of themselves, mathematical equations have the uncanny ability to define life in its simplest form and as many of you already know, simplicity is poetic. Y'all remember the transitive property don't y'all...IF [a] IS EQUAL TO [b], AND [b] IS EQUAL TO [c], THEN [a] IS EQUAL TO [c]...

LIFE[a] IS[=] POETRY[b].

POETRY[b] IS[=] BEAUTIFUL[c].

LIFE[a] IS[=] BEAUTIFUL[c].

Words are gifts y'all, give generously!!

(Don't thank me, the math lesson is on me ! ;-)

Living My Life Like It's GOLDEN!

The Birthday was an absolute BLAST!!!! And just in case you don't believe me, here's the proof...

BTW, this video is pretty much over at the timepoint 3:40 but I couldn't make the Windows Movie Maker program stop so it just goes on and on and on and on and.... ENJOY ;-)

Also, I wanted to share my birthday present from Ladylee this year...she is the very first blogger I ever met, and she gave me my personal theme song on my birthday last year which I have used as background music for the birthday movie you are about to view! Thanks OG!

Time Is Not A Straight Line...

The week that has passed since my last post here has been an amazing one in my life. It has been a week of solidifying new relationships with bloggers across the country with whom I hope my associations will be long, and which have already begun to bear fruit. It has been a week of great introspection which has led to wonderful discoveries and new insight into the blogger that is me. It has been a week of re-connections with friends and loved ones throughout the country with whom I had not been in touch for some time. Finally, it has been another one of those weeks that leaves one's mind swirling and twirling as the effects of the Earth's frantic rotation on its axis seems somehow able to be physically detectable by this mere mortal. With so many influences received in a single week, I thought I'd share some of those things that for whatever reason still remain prominent in my mind.

A few weeks ago, I posted a poem here that was inspired by another of my many "Teachers" titled "LEARNING". The poem was an ode to the exhileration I get from learning new things and the side dish of fear that comes with that same learning. Several people have asked me what is the basis of the "fear" I spoke of in the poem, to which I reply "The fear is the natural response to the necessity of changing myself, my views, and/or my actions to accommodate what I have learned." In the spirit of this particular learning, I would like to encourage black people worldwide to open their/our collective minds to this simple idea and be more willing to change ourselves, our views, our actions, as well as our minds about the expectations we set for those like us.

It is fear of change I believe that most seems to hinder the progress and advancement of the black race. In my opinion, we are one of the most passionate races to be found on the planet, and that being so, there is no stronger ally one can have in their corner than a person of African-American descent...at least initially. The problem however seems to be that there always seems to come a point, just when whatever it is we are striving for is within our reach, that "fear" is allowed to derail us from our original course. When this happens, we as a people seem to lose sight of the BIG PICTURE possibly because of a fear of the change we are required to undergo within ourselves simply to believe that what we have worked so diligently for is something we might actually obtain.

This Saturday, February 23rd is the scheduled date for the 2008 STATE OF BLACK AMERICA Forum. A critically important event in my opinion based on previous years, this event will receive even more notariety this year as it figures prominently into the race for the Democratic Presidential Nomination. In recent weeks, there have been some mild rumblings about whether or not Mr. Obama has to be (as in "He's obligated to prove his solidarity with black folks as a black candidate trying to win their votes) in attendance. I personally take issue with the concept of Mr. Obama or anyone else for that matter being boxed in such that he "has" to do anything. My opinions notwithstanding, it appears that factions of Black America (read: Tavis Smiley and I'm not hatin' here as I assure you that I love me some Tavis) are upset with the Illinois Senator's decision not to attend the event but to campaign in Texas and Ohio instead. Even offering his brilliant wife Mrs. Michelle Obama to attend in his stead (a completely acceptable alternative in my estimation) was not received as an acceptable compromise. Thus, began the criticisms again of whether or not Mr. Obama was attempting to "separate" himself from being associated with anything black in orientation. I find myself thinking, "Let it go people...just let it go! Why must black folks constantly be held to a standard by which they are required to "prove" their blackness while white folks are given the designation of "blackness" for something as stereotypical as being able to play the saxophone or loving fried chicken? Why was it acceptable for Mrs. Clinton to send the former president to South Carolina on her behalf while she campaigned elswhere with no resulting talk of her underlying reason being an attempt to 'avoid being viewed as "the black candidate" by avoiding spending significant amounts of time campaigning in largely Black South Carolina' . But to the contrary, now when Mr. Obama is faced with pretty much the same scenario due to other priorities of his own, his decision results in questions about his loyalty to black voters?". There is definitely a double standard being applied here people.

With the event taking place this weekend, and Mrs. Clinton currently scheduled to attend and Mr. Obama not, my expectation is that those mild rumblings from recent weeks will shortly turn into full-fledged volcanoes. Here you can find a blog post by Roland Martin in which he gives what I believe to be a well thought out analysis of the candidates' current needs as it relates to securing the Democratic Nomination and a subsequent rationale for what their priorities should be for this upcoming weekend based on that analysis. The bottom line is that Mr. Obama is running for president of the entire United States of America same as Mrs. Clinton, and in my opinion he should be allowed to do that based on what he needs to do to accomplish that goal, same as Mrs. Clinton. Currently, Mrs. Clinton could benefit by positively impacting the number of Black Americans willing to endorse her as a candidate the same as positively impacting the Hispanic communities can benefit Mr. Obama's campaign. Thus, it makes absolute sense for Mrs. Clinton to attend this event, but for Mr. Obama who already has significant Black support, not so much. In order for Mr. Obama to live up to his promise of trying to improve things for any Americans, black, white, male, female or otherwise, he must first become the president. I personally would love it if Mr. Smiley, the Congressional Black Caucus, the Civil Rights Old Guard and all the other so-called keeper's of Dr. King's Dream would get the hell outta the way and let him do that! So please my fellow black folks, regardless of what you hear or who you personally endorse, please, please, please look at the BIG PICTURE and decide for yourself where you believe Mr. Obama, Mrs. Clinton, and any other candidate you might support should be on Saturday.

In the last week, I have discovered yet another "Teacher" in the person of one of my new favorite bloggers, a person who already has become a lifelong friend I'm sure, Xavier of Ali's Zay blog fame. In less than a week, Zay has taught Ms. Just Write Now as much as she has learned in the last six months from her own efforts, and the greatest of these learnings is his teachings regarding the nature of TIME, thus the title of this post. My new friend has revolutionized my thinking about time and this new learning is reflected throughout my approach to my life and has been a liberating factor in my recent writing. "Thanks again Zay!"

This post itself is a perfect illustration of the fact that time is not linear as I have jumped back and forth between the past, present, and future many times already and here I go back to the future again....

Saturday is also MY BIRTHDAY....YEAAAAAAAAAA MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Always a huge appreciator of my birthday, I am sooooooooooo looking forward to this one. Those fine bloggers who were contributors to the wonderful compilation titled

"Bloggers'

Delight

Volume One" will be having their very first book release party right here in my fair city THE LOU and on my very own BEARTHDAY...once again I find myself saying "YEAAAAAAAAAAAA MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! I am gonna meet Ms. CapCity, Mizrepresent, Mega-rich, Saadia, and who knows who else alive and in person right here on my turf. Talk about looking forward to your birthday ***so damned giddy she needs drugs to come down to earth***. In addition, many of my friends and loved ones have confirmed they will be in attendance at this amazing event as well to help me and those delightful bloggers celebrate! Isn't it wonderful when your presents come early...you don't even have to wonder if you will be getting anything ;-)

Okay, time being what it is, let's take a step back into the past to tomorrow, Friday, February 22nd (see what Zay means...gotcha with that one didn't I? I betcha you had to go back and think about that one...YEAAAAAAAAA ZAAAAAAAAAAAY!). Tomorrow, my son Ryan and I will be driving over to Kansas to check out one of the colleges he is considering. Now y'all already know that I couldn't possibly love this child/man more than I do, but let me tell you all how truly amazing he is. This person that started life inside my body has truly got a life of his own! He is a senior this year and will be graduating in May. To date, he has been accepted to three colleges, and two of the three so far have offered him scholarships for both his academic and athletic prowess! So tomorrow we will be evaluating in person one of the two colleges so far to offer him significant scholarship assistance as we narrow the field of choices to the one lucky enough to ultimately claim my brilliant man-child as one of its future alums! Now you tell me, what is there not to love about this kid?!

Okay, this is getting much longer than I planned so I'm gonna end my time travels here in the present by saying to each of you reading this: "You are the very definition of love so thank you so much for stopping in ;-)" !!!

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Black and White photography stolen shamelessly from Zay's blog; all other photos taken or stolen from the www by Ms. Just Write Now ;-)