Just Write Now! with Sharon

The Arrival of A Prince

2009-10-03T16:50:00.006-04:00

He's Heeeeeeerrrrrrrrrreeeeeee!!!

After nine months of preparation a new royal has arrived....

INTRODUCING SHAYNE KRISTIAN SMITH...the newest member of the Just Write Now clan!

Born on last Monday, September 28th and having arrived home for the very first time yesterday (Friday, October 2nd), Shayne is happy to make your acquaintance.

His first name means "Gift from GOD" and is the result of blending his Mom and Dad's first names (Sharon and DeWayne); as you can see, he clearly is GOD'S GIFT!

Shayne weighed in at 7 pounds 13 ounces and measured 21 1/4 inches long. His entrance was scheduled well in advance and took place as planned after 3 false starts a week or two earlier.

The Little Prince's birth was attended by his mother, Queen Just Write Now (who would have been there even if it wasn't necessitated by nature!) and his father, King Sergeant Daddy. Following the long awaited birth, The Little Prince was greeted by many excited members of the Just Write Now clan!

Suffice it to say that the Just Right Now clan is rejoicing in the arrival of its newest Prince and wanted to share the blessed news with the rest of you as soon as we could. So that you blog members of the Just Right Now clan can join the rest of us in our rejoicing, I am attaching the following video so you can BE THERE as our newest Prince spends his first minutes at home.

Thanks for being family and sticking with the Just Write Now Clan!!!

83 Days Between Now and the Start of Mommyhood: Part Two

2009-07-07T21:57:00.015-04:00

So I'm sure most of you who frequent that Original Oldgirl Ladylee's blog have figured out by now that Ms. Just Write Now is going to be a Mommy all over again in just a few short months! For those of you who were not aware, I'm here to say that Yes! It is true and I could not be happier about it.

I am beginning a whole new life and the most amazing thing about it all was that I saw none of it heading my way before it landed literally in my lap.

As I started to say back in March (when I left many of you hanging so unceremoniously...I apologize but there were good reasons for that) it all started with the picture in the last post. While trying to delete a profile the PO had used to communicate with me on a social networking site, I was sent the previously mentioned photo. I don't know what it was, but something about the photo spoke to me and though I had never before responded to an online request to communicate with someone I didn't either already know or minimally been exposed to through someone I knew, I decided to respond. In a very short period of time, I found myself completely enchanted by this soldier who at the time was stationed in Iraq.

In a very short time, we were communicating regularly and extensively first via the social website, then via email, and finally through Yahoo chat. Our chats lasted for hours on end (one of the reasons I was MIA around here so much....sorry ;), and our ability to communicate was so easy and natural that I knew before ever meeting in person that this individual would be a pivotal relationship in my life. From the very start, there was an ease in our ability to chat and a natural honesty in every exchange we shared. As I became more comfortable (because as many of you know, I tend to be somewhat paranoid about my personal safety when it comes to the internet), we finally moved to phone calls.

By nature a person who puts a lot of emphasis on her auditory sense, as I awaited that first phone call from Iraq, I prayed that his voice would be pleasing to my ear. I was NOT disappointed by what I heard and sometime during that very first phone call I knew I was speaking with my personal destiny.

From there, things progressed and we became closer and closer with both of us realizing even before meeting that we were in love with each other....at least on an emotional/spiritual/mental level and all that remained was to meet in person once he returned from Iraq to determine if the connection we felt would translate into the physical realm.

Well, we did meet and in answer to that particular query, I'll say this..."Today, I am six months, two weeks pregnant with our son!" His third and my second, bringing us to a grand total of 4 sons between us!

So, at this point what I can tell you is that all is great and with all the changes my life is what I think of as a compilation of moving parts. Right now the plan is for me to move to the New Orleans (where he is currently stationed) late this summer / early this fall once the baby arrives (due date: September 28th). I am currently in the process of pursuing a new job with my current company that will allow me to transfer to the NOLA region. This process should be completed by September 1st according to the current timelines. I am also trying to get Ryan (my 19 year old son who will be heading into his Sophomore year of college next month) situated in his own apartment as he does not wish to move to NOLA with us. Simultaneously, I am in the process of sorting out my house and trying to determine what to keep and what to eliminate before the move.

Like I said, my life is ALL MOVING PARTS right now but you know what, I could not be happier or more excited about how very unpredictable it all is!

GABBY'S NEW COUSIN IS COMING SOON....SO STICK AROUND!

She Was Gone.....

2009-03-31T11:07:00.001-04:00

until one day, out of the blue and just like that she was back! Hello all you loves of my life! I'm back and to all those who let me know I was missed "Thank you so much for letting me know I am loved!" To those who missed me in silence, I know you all love me too! To all of you, I apologize for staying away so terribly long this time but believe me when I tell you that my life has been absolutely unbelievable in the time I have been away. So much has happened that I don't know where to begin telling the story. Should I go back to last fall when it all began or should I start today when things are so wonderfully and amazingly beautiful I can't begin to make you all understand how happy I am?!!!!

You all have "heard" me say time and again how dramatically a life can change in a year....525600 minutes. Well believe me when I tell you that the life I'm living today, March 31st 2009 is a work of art that I could never have conceived could ever exist 525600 minutes ago! Where do I begin?

I guess the best thing to do is to begin at the beginning so I guess that's what I'll do.....

It all started with this picture.

I'm In A New York State Of Mind...

2008-12-18T18:00:00.001-05:00

I know it has been quite a while since you all have heard from me and the only thing I can say is that I have been on the move for the last month. I went to San Francisco over Halloween on business, and upon returning from that trip, I immediately began preparing for my long awaited family cruise which was just around the corner as our departure date was November 21st. That trip was an absolute blast, and I will be blogging about it as well as sharing pictures and video when I have the time to do so during my Christmas break from work. After our family cruise, I was home for exactly one week during which I was sick the entire time only working 1.5 days over the course of the week. The next Sunday, I had to depart for New Jersey on business for the week and having made my travel arrangements months earlier, I had the bright idea to extend the trip through the weekend so that I could spend some time in New York.

The week in New Jersey was productive even though I was still not recovered from my illness of the previous week AND I developed an ear infection while there. By Friday of that week, all I wanted to do was to go home and sleep in my own bed but in my infinite wisdom, I had extended my trip and one of my Blog BFFs had agreed to provide me with shelter while I got to know her city over the weekend so I was pretty much locked in so to speak.

You all have heard me say what I am about to say next before....THANK GOD that HE and not I get to decide what I will or won't do. If I had been able to have my way, I would not have stayed the weekend in New York. I just wanted to go home and go to bed but I could not...GOD and NYC were not having that!

I had the best time ever and I am so grateful for the experience. I got to see NYC in ways I had never seen her before and she was graceful enough to allow me to become a part of her. I made amazing new friends (I love you Dari and Robert), did the tourist thang....Rockefeller Plaza and Bryant Park YOU ROCK, met friends for drinks at the tres chic Greek restaurant KELLARI and dined in diners where breakfast was served 24 hours a day...oh so New York, AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, got my spoken word on at the very historic and perfectly representative of what a New York Jazz Club should be, St. Nick's Pub...located on Harlem's famed Sugarhill!!!!

BEFORE I FORGET....let me just say that never in the history of the world and visits was there EVER a better hostess than Ms. Cap City! In every conceivable way, she made me feel more welcomed than I do even at my own home! She made ME and MY WISHES, DESIRES, WHATEVER her priority for the entire weekend in addition to driving all the way to New Jersey and back just to facilitate my visit. I owe her more than I will ever be able to repay, and here and now I want to make one thing forever clear....Cap City will always have a place to lay her head in my home!!! Thank you again my sistah....I will never forget my New York or YOU!!!

So if you are so inclined, please flip through my Smilebox and join me in my NEW YORK STATE OF MIND!!!

Make a Smilebox photobook

LIVING HISTORY

2008-11-08T09:10:00.001-05:00

In a world where one dream was an impossibility:

Another more world-altering dream came true....

CONGRATULATIONS

PRESIDENT-ELECT OBAMA,

MAY YOU BE BLESSED AS YOU HAVE BLESSED US.

Can You Verify That Your Vote Actually Counts?

2008-11-02T17:04:00.003-05:00

My apologies for all the politics that you've found here lately, but like so many of us in this country right now, I am consumed with this election. It will come to an end soon....I promise ;-)

I was forwarded this YouTube video from a friend from whom I have learned much this past year. I thought it was definitely worth forwarding to you all. The fact of the matter is that we all have one thing in common if we decide to utilize our right to vote....that one thing is WE WANT OUR VOTE TO BE ACCEPTED, RECORDED, AND COUNTED! No matter who your preferred candidate is or which party you may affiliate yourself to, we all want our vote to count. In a world where there is a way to track EVERYTHING, even emails you believe you have erased (just ask the guys at ENRON), why is it that in so many states, votes are not verifiable once they have been cast because there is NO PAPER TRAIL? What is that about?

The attached video shows that it would and COULD be extremely easy to count "computerized votes" that are still track-able and VERIFIABLE by a paper trail in the event a need arises for a recount. As it is too late for this election cycle, in my opinion, between now and the next nationwide elections, All Americans should make this a united cause by writing to their election board presidents and Congressional Representatives and Senators to make their preferences known.

WARNING: Cynthia McKinney is featured in the video and for some of you she may be a polarizing figure. THIS VIDEO IS NOT ABOUT CYNTHIA MCKINNEY NOR HER CAMPAIGN SO PLEASE WATCH IT AND YOU WILL SEE THE POINT IS NOT HER BUT THE SANCTITY OF YOUR VOTE!

It's your vote....if you can confirm that you chose to pay your utility bill with a receipt, shouldn't who you chose to be your president be confirmable as well? There are so many things we get behind that don't matter in the larger scheme of things, but this....this really does have the potential to change the world....at least the world as we now know it.

Sharon

Will YOU Be The One??

2008-10-25T17:49:00.009-04:00

Sometimes, when it is really late at night and I am snuggled all warm in my bed and cocooned in the deepest sleep one could ever possibly hope to have, I suddenly bolt upright and find myself dripping in sweat as I try to shake off the following dream where the undefined one is ME:

Play Video by pushing right arrow.

PLEASE DON'T LET THIS BE YOUR REALITY...

VOTE....before it's too late!

I Heart Colin Powell and Yes, One Day A Muslim Can Be President Of The United States Of America....I Hope....

2008-10-19T14:36:00.003-04:00

Need anyone say more?....

To Have vs. To Have Not

2008-10-07T21:54:00.004-04:00

Don't worry folks its just me.....

I'm feeling the need to do a little rambling today so bear with me and weigh in if you feel so inclined.

Sometimes giving up something you hoped for is harder than giving up something you actually have. Ever noticed that? I'm not sure why that is, but I know it is true. Why is that the case I wonder? I have some theories.

Wanna hear 'em? Here they go....

Things that are hoped for but not actually realized may be more difficult to "lose" because when they are lost, one loses more than just that thing. The potential of all that might have come with that thing is also lost. The fantasy of finally having what one wants and the impact of having realized that desire is lost. Last but not least, the tangible thrill of getting what one wants and watching what comes with it unfold is lost.

In contrast, when one loses something they actually have, they lose only that thing, whatever it may be. Not to devalue the feelings of loss one in this position experiences, but I submit that those feelings may not be as potent as losing something that was hoped for because the potential of having had that thing has actually been realized. The fantasy of possessing that thing has been one's reality and the impact is therefore self-evident. The tangible thrill of ownership though now replaced by the pain of loss, has still been experienced. Understanding that this is a very simplistic evaluation of losing something one actually once possessed, I still land at the conclusion that one doesn't necessarily lose as much when losing something they have as they do when they lose something they hoped to have. Thoughts?

Ain't Nothin' As Sweet As A Black Man Showing His Love For His Queen...

2008-09-22T19:46:00.001-04:00

In a word....HILARIOUS!!!!

2008-09-15T00:23:00.003-04:00

Sorry for the long periods of incognito-ism, but I'm traveling a lot and I've been a little under the weather....hopefully I'll be back in the saddle again soon.

In the meantime, peep this....if you haven't already seen it, I'm betting it will tickle your funny bone....it certainly tickled mine ;)

Gabby's Fabbies

2008-09-03T19:57:00.013-04:00

This is my great neice Gabriela [Gabby for short] and her favorite great aunt, TeTe (that would be me for the picture illiterate amongst you ;) LOL! Gabby is in a word.....FABULOUS! She is 3 years old and full of the most brilliant light I've ever had the pleasure to see.

A few weeks ago, Gabby and her mother, my beautiful neice Crystal moved in with me. The timing could not have been better considering the love of my life, my BabyMAN Ryan, was heading off to college leaving me to manage living in a house that would have been waaaayyyyyy too quiet without him. With Gabby around, I assure you that things are never quiet for long and that's exactly the way I like it!

Since Gabby has been here, she has said things that have shocked and amazed me and then in the very next moment she has said things that have cracked me up. Sometimes, she does all three simultaneously. With so much material available to me, I have decided to start a regular blog series called GABBY'S FABBIES. Here is the first installation.....

Labor Day weekend, I went to Nebraska to visit my best friend who lives in a small town; Gabby and her mother accompanied me there. On Saturday, my Godson wanted to go to the local college's season opening football game, so I took him, my nephew Justin, and Gabby.

Arriving at the game, Gabby and I sat in the bleachers and as expected, we were the only black folks there. As you can see, Gabby is an adorable child; those surrounding us in the bleachers thought so too. As is the tradition at sporting events in this country, the color guard took the field to the music of the Star Spangled Banner; this is when the Fabby occurred.

Sitting in my lap chattering away with those around us, Gabby looked out on the field and spotted the "stars and stripes". Immediately she became visibly excited, bouncing on my lap and clapping her hands. With the wonderful innocence one possesses only in early childhood, Gabby turned to me and said:

"TeTe!! Look! Look at them! They got them a

AFRICAN-American flag!"

Believe me when I tell you that there are several folks in a small town in middle Nebraska who are nursing whiplashes as we speak. It turns out that Gabby was recently taken on a field trip where she learned a thing or two about Black history and she now claims the stars and stripes as her own in the most literal sense of the word.

Yesterday when Gabby's mother was relaying this story to her teacher as she picked Gabby up from school, the teacher called Gabby over. The following exchange occurred:

Teacher: Gabby, what does the color red mean in the African-American flag?

Gabby: The blood our forefathers shed for freedom.

Teacher: What does the black mean?

Gabby: The color of our skin.

Teacher: What does green mean?

Gabby: Green means GO!

GRACE by definition is....

2008-08-29T11:05:00.004-04:00

Have a great Labor Day Weekend Michelle,

Your Work Is Done and a Beautiful Job You Did!!!

Now Y'all Know I Ain't No Hillary Fan But...

2008-08-27T00:06:00.005-04:00

I gotta give the sister her props; she DID THE DAYUM THANG!

I'm not gonna rehash the entire speech, but a few things resonated with THIS OBAMA SUPPORTER. Wanna know what they were? Here they go....

First of all, I for one have never seen Hillary deliver a speech as smoothly and as brilliantly as her delivery was tonight. She looked relaxed, she looked composed, and most surprising of all for me, she looked AND sounded SINCERE! Well I'll be dayumed....who woulda expected that?!

The speech writer deserves a huge bonus because he/she helped Hillary redeem herself and her political viability in my eyes. Never one who supported Hillary as a potential VP, I found myself wondering "Why didn't Obama choose her again?" [Of course the answer to that is that Obama likes living!] Anyway, the speech had several classic lines which I will paraphrase (as I don't want to pretend to have them down verbatim):

- My mother was born before women received the right to vote and my daughter got to vote for her mother for President....that is the story of America! (see YouTube #3)

That line gave a family woman / history student like me goose bumps.

- No way, No how, No McCain! (see YouTube #1)

Of course this battle cry will become part of the campaign from here on out.

- ....we don't need four more years of the last eight years... (see YouTube #3)

Love it, love it, love it! Give that speech writer a big bonus check

- Next week George Bush and McCain will be in the Twin Cities which is good because its awfully hard to tell the two apart. (see YouTube #3)

The networks love this one and I am sure will slice and dice it so thinly that we will all wish it never existed.

- The ENTIRE "Keep going!" segment. (see YouTube #3)

Come on now, y'all know she had y'all as soon as she started quoting Sistah Harriet Tubman!

Yeah, as much as I hate to admit it, I gotta cut old gurl some slack and give her some props for delivering for my candidate in a big way. Of course the pundits [particularly those of the Republican persuasion] are picking the speech apart and trying to put forward the notion that she still did not address Obama's lack of experience or readiness to deal with the 3am phone call. Whatevah! She said the only thing she really needed to say when she asked her supporters if they were in this for her or if they were in this for all of the people (the mother with cancer who adopted 2 autistic children and has no insurance, the marine, etc.) who need a change in the White House. She then followed up with the statement that her supporters should re-think their positions before voting and ended by announces that SHE WAS VOTING FOR BARACK OBAMA! (see YouTube #2)

The last thing I wanted to mention before I'm out, was the sister who was a staunch Hillary supporter who was interviewed by a CNN correspondent following Hill's speech. I tried to find a video clip of the interview, because this sistah had most certainly lost her natural born mind! She was on the verge of a mental breakdown because Hillary lost the bid for the White House. Girlfriend was all crying over the spilled milk and I for one wanted to reach out and touch her....not in a good way! She irked me from the start, but when she got to talking about how she didn't know if she would be able to vote for Obama [though she would NOT be voting for McCain, she might just have to "not vote". She claimed to understand the sacrifices made to deliver the right to vote to folks like her and me but she was still entertaining the notion of NOT VOTING. I could barely take it, and was so happy to see her interview end. I don't care who a person decides to vote for but once the candidate you support is out of the running, either research the remaining candidates and choose the one who's policies are more closely aligned with your perspective or write in a candidate; whatever you do, please don't give up your right by default!

I'm not a declared Democrat though I will be voting for Mr. Obama in November. However, in the words of James Carville who I love AND love to hate, this was a very good night for Democrats. It was also a very good night for me!

Passion and Desire Baby....

2008-08-19T15:11:00.010-04:00

It was less than a year ago, that I first kinda met my real-life [well "virtual real-life"] romantic couple idols....my virtual friends Ali and Zay.

You see, though I have yet to meet either of them face to face and have as of yet never even spoken with the Ali half of this amazing lovers equation, their love story is one that I treasure and place right up there with those of the greats such as Romeo and Juliet, Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee, and Thomasine and Bushrod!

I met Zay via the blogosphere, and through him I learned of Ali and his over-arching love for her. If you knew him, even if you only knew him through his blog, you would know of his passion for his Ali for he expressed it effortlessly through his poetry there:

She Used Me

She used my brush to paint a masterpiece on the canvas in her belly
Delicate strokes applied in living color within her flesh
She used my pen to write a novel on the pages of her thighs
A manuscript to be read aloud over and over
She used my marker to write a label across her chest
My name in big bold glistening letters
She used my pillar to support her fantasies
Until I made each one come true
She used my key to unlock her inner self
To be the woman of my dreams
She used my ruler to measure our love
Inch by inch as it grew

She yearned to give me her living heart
Even as it beat within her chest but
Her life is much too precious
So she gave me the key
To it instead

If you could hear the passion in his voice when he speaks of her or the fierce protectiveness that comes through the phone lines whenever he feels that she is in any way threatened by anything, then you would know what it is that I am talking about when I say I can only pray that one day a man [as amazing and in touch with himself as my friend Zay is] will feel that way about me.

Never having actually spoken with Ali, I've heard her voice and the passion it carries for Zay as well via the blogsphere. A visit to Zay's blog before it was closed would have allowed you to witness hauntingly beautiful photography of Ali such as the one I stole up above. Just stop and take a look at that photo for a second will you; even though you can see less than half of Ali's beautiful face, what does what you can see say to you? To me, it says this is a woman in love who is passionately at peace and happily enveloped in the love of the man with whom GOD has gifted her.

A deeper dive into Zay's blog would have led you to this photo and this anecdote about Ali in which her feelings for Zay are painfully clear....

[There are absolutely no words to express how
privileged I feel to be loved as strongly, trusted as completely, let in as deeply as how
Ali loves me, trusts me and let’s me in. The photo above was taken on my first trip to
Jamaica. While Ali and I were together I was very surprised to see her crying. I mean
we were having the most wonderful time in the world and there she was crying. I
asked what was wrong and without looking at me she just said in that soft voice of
hers. “I know you’re not leaving until tomorrow, but I miss you already.” ]
*******************
- as told by Zay of A Lover's Dream

as well as these comments from Zay which demonstrate that he knows exactly where he stands with this woman....

Bad...
Being madly in love with a woman in another country
Good...
The absolute certainty she gives me that she is just as crazy about me. All evidenced by her words, her actions, her sacrifices, and the incredible efforts she puts out to always make me feel that I am the most important person in her life.
Bad...
She lives in Jamaica.
Good...
She lives in Jamaica ;-) 7 trips in 2007. Some people in blogland be hatin' but I still got mad love for ya'll LOL ;-) Besides, very soon she will be here with me and there wont be any more Jamaica trips for a while.

See why these two are my romantic idols? When at longlast I finally grow up and fall in love, I wanna be like my friends Ali and Zay! In my mind, their names could just as easily have been Passion and Desire because to me, that is exactly what their love represents.

As Zay said in the post excerpted above, Ali was scheduled to be here with him very soon. Well blog friends, VERY SOON IS NOW and Ali should already have arrived if the weather and all else cooperated. Oh how I hope she is here so that my friend Zay will at long last have what he has wanted for so very long....his Ali! If indeed she is here, I wanted to take this opportunity to welcome her home and into the family she may not even know she has as of yet.

Ali, please know that though you may feel very far from your own family and what has been home to you for as long as you can remember, you have a home and a family here as well that is looking forward to welcoming and embracing you with outstretched arms. Please feel free to think of me as the long-lost sister you've only just now learned of and know that I am here whenever and if ever you need me and even if you find you don't need me at all.

You have given my friend Zay a joy and a light that I can HEAR in his voice, and a woman capable of giving a light that one can hear when it can't be seen, is definitely a woman I would feel privileged and honored to get to know.

Congratulations to you both, Ali and Zay; and please accept this gift from me via my gurl Jilly from Philly as the very first time I heard this a month or so ago, it brought the two of you to mind. Blessings and continued love to you and the beautiful, black family you will create together.

When Happiness (or what looks like it) Is Not Worth What It Costs....

2008-08-18T22:49:00.004-04:00

I don't know if you guys realize this or not, but I am a very introspective person in many ways and as such, I find myself spending quite a bit of time reflecting on events that have occurred during my life and how those things impact me and my outlook. The last few days have been an absolute exercise in introspection for me; let me explain.

I am blessed or cursed [depending on how you look at it], with a really good memory for dates and events. If a date is special to me for any reason, good or bad, I will always remember it. Today, August 18th, is the birthdate of my ex. Over the weekend I was acutely aware that this day was coming and it still carried the significance of being my ex's B-day in my mind. From the moment the thought of his impending birthday popped into my mind, I found myself doing what I do...reflecting back on his previous birthdays.

Two years ago as his birthday approached, I was busy as a bee as I ran around purchasing special gifts for him which I arranged to have delivered along with each course of the delicious dinner I had arranged for us at a premeire restaurant here in St. Louis. I picked him up from the airport the night before his birthday while my girlfriend delivered his wrapped presents to the restaurant on my behalf where they would be stashed until his birthday dinner the following night.

When his birthday actually arrived, as it turned out, we spent the entire day arguing and almost did not go to dinner as I had planned. It was one of the most trying days I have ever spent with anyone as he was angry with an administrator at his college but chose to take out his frustrations on me all day. I remember thinking "Buddy, you are going to feel so badly once you see all of the trouble I've gone to trying to make this a special day for you." I wrote this post about him and how blessed I felt to have him in my life and what I hoped the future held for us. Somehow, we made it through the day and when we finally arrived at the restaurant, we had the best date of our lives together. That was the high point of my time with him....I was happy.

A year later (last year), as his birthday approached, I was at the lowest point I can ever remember in my life. We (read he), had made the decision to end our relationship against my wishes, and I truly did not see how I was ever going to recover from the heartbreak that came with that decision. I wrote several sad little posts which illustrate the depths to which my spirit had sunken during this time. Never before had I been so depressed, and I hope never again to have that particular experience.

This year as the fact that it was soon to be his birthday once again reached my conscious mind, I found myself reflecting on the last two years and the thought I was left with was this....

What is happiness worth? Two years ago as I planned his birthday surprises, I had never before been happier. However, in the midst of my "happiness", I had to work harder than I ever had before to try to make him happy because he was in my opinion a very high maintenance and temperamental man who was prone to rapid mood swings with which I could barely keep up. When he wanted to, he could make me feel like the world revolved around the two of us, but just as easily, he could erase me from the world if he was of a mind to do such a thing. Then, last year I couldn't spell happiness as he completely changed the world I knew by deciding to no longer be a part of my world as abruptly as one might decide to change one's mind about what to wear. With that seemingly spur of the moment decision, he took away every shred of happiness I felt. Today, though I wouldn't say that I am happy [though I also would NOT say that I am unhappy either], I can say with absolute certainty that I am content and looking forward with boundless optimism to the happiness that I am positive is coming my way. The funny thing is that as much as I appreciate the lifelong love affair I have had with happiness, I must admit that when I think of what the tenuous happiness that he brought to my life cost me and my spirit, I'll pass and take the contentment and peace of mind I am blessed with right now over that particular brand of fleeting, erratic happiness.

Like every major relationship I've ever had with a man has done, this one taught me a valuable lesson as well....sometimes what passes for happiness may not be worth what it costs. Whenever that is the case, I have learned to simply let it go and hold on to my belief and faith in the fact that what is for me is mine as I continue living for the happiness that it sure to find me eventually. I know that whenever it does find me, it will definitely be worth the price I will be expected to pay for it! The take-away?...

Everything costs you something....just make sure it is worth the price!!!

Countdowns

2008-08-04T19:11:00.002-04:00

Right now, my life seems to be all about waiting. Waiting for things to happen. Now mind you, the things I am waiting for are all great things, but still, waiting is waiting is waiting and I have never been a fan of the activity.

As those of you who come here regularly already know, the love of my life graduated high school earlier this summer. No, I am not a cradle-robber....well, technically I have been before and might be again but that's a story for another post (LOL!). No, for those of you just crawling out of your caves, the love of my life thus far is my son Ryan.

Ryan will be leaving for his freshman year at college this month. The countdown has begun, leaving just ten (10) short days between now and the beginning of his real life on August 13th 2008; a life in which the metaphysical unbilical cord that has kept us connected for the past almost 19 years will finally be severed for all time, propelling him into a separate and independent future all his own.

I'm holding up pretty well all things considered. After all, Ryan is my only biological child though my other son, Tony holds as definitive a place in my heart as does Ryan. Thanks to Tony, ( the only child of my ex-ex-ex fiance (a.k.a. Triple-X), yes, we were engaged THREE times ;) I have experience at this "send your son to college thing", and I know I can do it. That doesn't change the fact that it will be completely surreal getting used to the idea of my baby MAN not coming home every night.

I find myself wondering how long it will take before I can sleep through the night without activating my "mother hearing" to listen for the door opening and closing letting me know that Ryan is safe and sound in his mother's home.

I know without a doubt that some things I'll never get used to....like not having my 265 pound, 6 foot two inch baby MAN crawl up into the other side of the King-sized bed in which I sleep to tell me about his Saturday night escapades once he wakes up on Sunday mornings after having just found his way home a few short hours before. Without question, I know I will miss for an eternity the times when he and I sit for hours on quiet rainy or snowy weekends alternating between sleep and watching / dissing each other's taste in TV and movies until by some act of supreme will we find something on the boob-tube that suits both of our tastes. Most of all, I know there will never come a day that I will get used to entire days in which my amazing baby MAN does not knock on my bedroom door to ask if I will be disturbed by his playing the piano. I have long been amazed that he could ever believe the sound of him playing the piano could ever disturb me when next to his childhood giggle, it is the most awesome sound I've ever heard. Wanna hear it, here it go...

Ryan playing one of his original compositions

How am I ever supposed to get used to not hearing that wonderful sound around the house everyday? My son is a veritable genious and if you don't believe me, know this, he composed that piece he was playing AND taught himself to play the piano by ear AND DOES NOT READ MUSIC EVEN NOW! It is only one of his multiple talents, and I am constantly trying to figure out from where does he get this seemingly bottomless pool he possesses that is the source from which all of these amazing artistic talents spring?

Well, the countdown clock is ticking away, and in less than two weeks the love of my life and I will trail each other in separate cars to Illinois where I will help him to get situated in his dorm room with his new room mate. Then we will hit up the local Wally World to get the knicks and the knacks that will turn his new space into a surrogate for home. Finally, I'll stock him up on all his favorite "dorm-appropriate" foods and take he and his roomie out for dinner and then with as much decorum and composure as I can muster, I will turn my physical back and walk away from my baby MAN without looking back....though ONLY my physical back will be turned and a single, solitary wimper or snap of my baby MAN's fingers will bring me back to him in a flash because as I hope all y'all already know, THAT'S JUST WHAT GOOD MAMAS DO!!!

The other major event that I am waiting for is not scheduled to happen until November 21st, 2008. That is the day that me and 30 or so of my beloved friends and family members [including my amazing baby MAN] set off on the vacation of a lifetime. Do you know how many days there are between then and now? Wanna know? Now you do....

MySpace Countdown ClocksMan, can somebody please help me get through all of this waiting?! :-)

WITHOUT

2008-07-27T19:08:00.005-04:00

Now I’ve done it.

Without having tested the texture of your lips
nor the sweetness of your tongue,
I’ve let myself fall into the nectar of loving you;
quenching my thirst like no other libation I’ve ever had before.

Without any encouragement and in the absence of fear
I’ve learned to thrive in the sun of your smile,
as if upon me it will always shine;
providing the heat necessary to sustain and maintain this life I now so love.

Without a single indication from you that the curves of my body
have captured your attention in any way,
I’ve mapped out a route of exploration and discovery on yours;
arriving again and again at a place of pleasure I’ve never before happened upon.

Without planning to, I awaken each morning to the thought of you.
Your essence you see, remains with me even when you have gone.
The sound of your voice, the light in your eyes, and the feel of you, all mine to keep;
a better gift I’ve yet to receive.

Without hesitation I close my eyes each night anxiously willing
sleep to take me yet again to wherever it is that I can find you.
No journey is too long, treacherous, nor arduous;
knowing that YOU are the final destination.

Without warning this feeling has possessed me.
My mind, body, and spirit are yours,
and one thing has made itself poignantly clear;
I no longer wish to be….

Without YOU,
Without You,
without you.

© Sharon J. All Rights Reserved 2008

The World Just Keeps On Spinning....

2008-07-22T20:38:00.005-04:00

I know it has been awhile since you all have heard from me, and all I can say about that is "I'm just happy I'm here!".

That seems to have become a litany with me over the last few weeks as the world has swirled around me so fast over the last couple of weeks that it has been all I could do to just hang on. It started with my job.

In late May, it was announced that my company would undertake a head-count reduction in order to save money. In order to reach their savings goal, a 10% global workforce reduction was announced for sometime in July. Now your girl here has been in this industry for 12+ years, and is no stranger to "head-count reductions" having been faced with six such situations prior to this announcement. Therein lay the source of my own particular stress. As conceited as I can be sometimes, I have always been acutely conscious of this one fact:

As special as I am, I AM NOT SPECIAL AT ALL!!!

and knowing this as I do, I was quite sure that it was time for my number to come up [as it always does, unless that is, it is the number to the winning POWERBALL Lottery ticket and then I know I can forget about it!]. Anyway, I was convinced that I would be one of the individuals whose life would be changed by the downsizing and thus was preparing myself for the possiblity of a return to my former career as a pharmacist; an eventuality that though tolerable is not one that I would preferentially choose.

On Friday, July 11th, we were asked to remain at home and to await a phone call that would let us know our fate with the company. I SURVIVED. All I can say is that it seems I may be living right and for that I am very grateful.

As harsh as that scenario was to live through (AGAIN), I must add that my company made me proud to work there as they have been more generous than any of us ever expected them to be in terms of the severance packages and additional benefits they provided to those displaced in this situation. Though losing one's job is obviously a very difficult situation with which to deal, in my opinion, my company surpassed my personal expectations for what any company in this day and age would ever consider doing for those who were being displaced. Without question, I have a new respect for the leaders at my company.

In the midst of all of that stress, I am still trying to coordinate this family cruise which once I am on it in November will be the trip of a lifetime but which is today, THIS DA-YUM-ED FAMILY CRUISE. Step into my life for a minute and imagine yourself trying to make sure that 30 or so black folks to whom you are related have handled the myriad of details necessary to get their broke azzes out of the country for 9 days. From orchestrating passport application completion parties to trying to figure out the most economical route of travel to get everyone to and from the port without breaking the bank, to getting some of my knuckle-headed relatives to just return a phone call, I must say DAYUM, DA-YUM, DA-YUM!!!

Okay, got that out of my system. That brings us to this WATCH ME SHRINK thing I've gotten myself into. See what had happened waz....

I was doing just fine. I had NOT lost any weight the first week, but the inches were getting with the program and I was cool with that. When I continued to lose inches the second week but still no weight, I started to wonder what the heck was up. Then I thought back to the fact that I had recently seen my doctor for a neck injury at which time his office scale had said my weight was 210 pounds. The convergence of all of these things led me to the discovery that my "trusty scale" just might NOT be so trusty afterall. Confirming this to be fact, I went out on Sunday and purchased myself a new scale and started with a new baseline of 207 pounds on Sunday (this was 10 pounds heavier than my old scale said I was). This would be a devastating blow to some, but I am so committed to this thing that I simply took it in stride. I don't know what it is this time, but I know that NOTHING will stop me from reaching my goals and with a lil' help from my friends (even the invisible ones ;), I know that the prize is already mine! So here is a little video to show you all that I truly mean biznezz!!! I am not dumb enough to miss that the images in this video are not flattering; however, I've got my eyes on that day in the future when the first video of THE REAL ME goes up and all of you go scrambling back in my archives to today to see just how far my journey has taken me....Now that'll be something....

Brave or Stupid...Doesn't Matter If I Reach My Goal!

2008-07-08T19:42:00.000-04:00

One of the things I have always wanted to be is brave.

When I was a little girl, I was actually very similar to what I am like now except I was quite a bit more quiet and spent significantly less time at center stage. Though I've always been able to hold my own, I didn't feel brave then and I don't feel brave now.

For several years, I've had a goal in mind which entails getting myself into better/healthier physical shape. In the spring of 2006, I made great headway towards doing just that when I hired a personal trainer for several months. After losing 35 pounds, I underwent a medical procedure and was restricted temporarily (6 months) by my physicians from working out. Unfortunately, after the six month period had passed, yours truly Ms. Just Write Now still did not jump on the treadmill or any other available piece of exercise equipment resulting in the "state of disrepair" my body currently finds itself in.

After stumbling upon a YouTube video created by a young lady who uses the screen name Smile2dayTears2morro, I was inspired by the sheer bravado with which she has chosen to approach her fitness program to develop and commit myself to my own program and to make the video you'll find below as well as the ones I will be posting to YouTube in the future to document my progress.

Now some may say that I, like my new friend Smile2day... am brave to post the images and reveal so honestly the current state of my body; afterall, I am blessed to be able to hide most of the issues with clothing so my shameful secret could very easily have been kept ;) Others might say that I am just plain stupid to do something so revealing and which could potentially leave me vulnerable to untold abuse by internet haters and the such. I would say that I really don't know which group would be most right (as there is typically some right in any perspective), but one thing I do know is that I am a woman of my word who needs some assistance right now keeping my promises to myself. For that very simple reason, I am willing to risk being considered stupid by some and in the event that even one of the individuals who stumble across this thinks I am brave for doing it....well, that just means I'll be moving towards the fulfillment of two goals by taking this one critical step and what could possibly be wrong with that!

So without further ado, please allow Ms. Just Write Now to utilize the magic of YouTube to
BROADCAST HERSELF!!! ***smile***

So there you have it...it is what it is. I started this journey last Thursday July 3rd. My family's cruise vacation is scheduled to commence on Thursday, November 20th 2008 and that is my target date to be much happier with my naked or barely clothed body image. I will be posting weekly updates to YouTube no later than Thursdays each week, and will update here occasionally as I see fit.

Several of the women accompanying me on my family's cruise have made the decision to join me in my quest (some via YouTube - and some not), and I am happy for the company. If any of my blog family, female or male would like to join us as well, know that we welcome you. All suport will be gratefully accepted, and to any haters out there, feel free to do what you do best because I assure you that it will work as all things do to the good by making me just that much more determined to reach my goals so that I can show you just how big a waste your use of energy for negativity can be!

Dinner and a Movie Ms. Just Write Now Style..

2008-07-06T21:26:00.004-04:00

As most of you know, I'm pretty much a sucker for all things holiday, so of course folks were expecting that I would be hosting some kind of shindig or other in honor of our nation's birthday. Well, in fact, I chose NOT to have a 4th of July party, because I am not a fan of fireworks in the hands of children and the inexperienced. I come from a family of folks who love to purchase stuff for their children to burn and with my luck and Murphy's Law, the most likely outcome of that combination is Ms. Just Write Now's roof ending up on fire...and not in a good way.

Never one to disappoint, I instead decided to invite the clan and a few friends over for a FIFTH OF JULY PARTY AND OUTDOOR BOOTLEG MOVIE NIGHT! Always one to try a little something different at my parties, even I have to admit that this one was an absolute blast! Check out the video for a taste of what fun the fifth of July can be ;)

You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman...

2008-07-02T01:19:00.012-04:00

After being at war with my hair for more than 40 years, I decided back in December 2007 to start the New Year by rebelling against expectations set for me by folks I know and many I'll never meet (read: society). I decided to cut off the thin, chemically processed, abused hair I had been sporting most of my life and allow myself to discover what my natural hair texture was like. It is important to note that all my life for as far back as I can remember I had been convinced that I had thin, weak hair that was destined not to grow and to break easily. Looking at my siblings (1 sister and 3 brothers) who all share my DNA though not my hair led me to wonder if I was adopted. Confirming that I was not, I was left thinking that just maybe the problem was not my hair itself but instead the damaging things I and others were continuously doing to it. Once my decision to cut it all off and start fresh was made, I found that I felt absolutely liberated by it...a feeling which only grew in intensity over the next several months.

So, on December 31st, I did what many refer to as the BIG CHOP though in my case, my hair was so unhealthy that the chop was not all that big. The next step was to become the protector of my hair which meant not allowing any harsh chemicals to come into contact with it. This included not only perms, but also shampoos, hairsprays, and heavy synthetic oils that block hair follicles and prevent the hair from breathing.

Instead, I dove into the internet and found blogs and YouTube videos that educated me about how to better care for black hair the natural way. Instead of shampoos and other harsh chemicals, I gave my hair plenty of moisture using natural products that I make myself with ingredients like olive oil, avocado, banana, and honey. I stopped using shampoos and other products containing alcohols and other drying agents as providing moisture appears to be the single most important thing we can do for our hair.

I found that it became much easier to care for my hair in addition to being a lot less expensive. After a second and significantly smaller Big Chop in April to rid myself of any ends containing residual chemicals, I found myself with a much healthier head of hair that was strong, more elastic so it doesn't easily break, and amazingly I found that in the absence of chemicals, my hair actually grows very rapidly! In this newfound land of natural hair, I have also found that I have also become significantly more creative in the art of styling my own hair, and I have a good time doing it to boot!

As I moved through the various phases of my hair journey, I wrote about my previous experiences trying to come to terms with my hair in this post, and I summed up the journey my hair and I had taken over the years in this poem which I wrote to enter into the Bloggers Delight Poetry Contest.

Now I find myself six months into this brave new world of NATURAL HAIR and these are my thoughts:

-I LOVE LOVE LOVE my natural tresses!
-I love the texture of my hair and am hard pressed to keep my hands out of it.
-I feel more me and have a self-confidence level that I've never had before...don't ask me why ;)
-I feel sexy and BEAUTIFUL in the way that only African Queens have ever been sexy & beautiful.
-I don't ever feel the need to put harsh chemicals into my hair again.

So since you guys started this journey with me, and in at least some small way it was partially inspired by the poem I wrote to enter into the Bloggers Delight 2 Write Poetry Contest, I thought I'd share a video pictorial of my HAIRSTORY to date that can show you better than I can tell you how a woman who has been convinced that she is destined never to have a strong, healthy, thick head of hair can have the hair GOD intended her to have once she stops abusing her hair with chemicals and starts loving it with the things of nature!

AT LONG LAST, MY COILS ARE BACK

AND

THEY'VE LEARNED ONCE AGAIN HOW TO RECOIL ;)

WHOSE ONBOARD THE CARVIVAL SPLENDOR?

2008-06-28T09:31:00.002-04:00

NOVEMBER 21ST is rapidly approaching...WILL YOU BE ONBOARD??

The Mechanics Of Passion

2008-06-26T02:00:00.001-04:00

Lately I've been feeling a bit aimless.

I'm not sure what the root of my rootlessness is, though some might say it is the fact that the love of my life, my only child Ryan has recently graduated high school. Maybe those individuals would be right in their assessment of my situation though in my heart of hearts, I would beg to differ.

No, I truly don't feel that Ryan's rapid movement towards the world of adult independence has anything to do with my own rootlessness; I think it is something much more intrinsic to me personally. I think my issue is a severe and debilitating lack of passion, or minimally a deficiency in the tools necessary to handle the mechanics required to bring my passions to the surface.

I know what you're thinking: "What the hell is this sistah talking about now?" Let me explain. I know without a doubt that I am a woman of incredibly intense passions. However, currently I don't seem to be able to tap into any of the things towards which I feel passion. For instance, I am passionate about writing but I can't figure out what to write about. Thus, I don't write. This is not good folks and it is but one example of my recently passionless existence!

Now before y'all start getting all worried about your girl, let me assure you that I AM FINE. I am NOT depressed, nor do I feel discouraged. I am simply at one of those junctures in life when a little external inspiration will do a body good ;)

So help your sistah out...How do you manage the mechanics of tapping into your passions (whatever they are) when the flow is not what it once was? How do you find fresh and new ways to motivate yourself to pursue dreams and fantasies you rarely even find yourself dreaming or fantasizing about anymore? All suggestions, tips, and anecdotal information will be greatly appreciated and in the meantime, I will keep on keeping on as Gladys Knight sang because as y'all know, that's what I do!

Just A Quick Update On Ya Gurl...

2008-06-24T00:00:00.002-04:00

Sorry for the long absence, but it seems that yours truly has somehow injured her neck and has found herself dealing with considerable pain and discomfort over the last week and a half or so. The really terrible part is that unfortunately all of you, my beautiful albeit PERVERTED-minded blog family members are wrong when you make the assumption that this neck injury was achieved in the commission of some lewd or lascivious behavior. (LOL) Even more than the pain in my neck, it pains me to say that no such luck has befallen your gurl...DAYUM, DAYUM, DAYUM!!!

I am currently being medicated with pain killers, muscle relaxers, and steroids to try to alleviate the stress and strain on my neck muscles, as well as undergoing physical therapy. I have been off from work for the last week and am currently scheduled for follow-up evaluation on this upcoming Wednesday. At this point, I am only able to do short stints in front of the computer and I am unable to drive at all which makes this not much fun at all.

Thus, I will stop in when I can and hope to be back in full effect in the not too distant future. In the meantime, it would be fantastic to chat with some of those I love so much on the phone, so give a sistah a holla and if you don't already have my number, hit me up on the personal email or just ask somebody as those who have the number prolly have a pretty good idea on who they would have my blessings to pass it on to ;) Also, as always it is my pleasure to get your comments right here at home ;)

So send up a special word to whoever it is you pray if indeed you pray, or simply send your blessings directly my way as I'm pretty much feeling like a big ass wuss right about now and could use any support you can offer. Whatever you do, please, please, please hang on in there with your gurl 'cause she won't ever be gone for long and you can bet your bottom dollar on that right thur!!!

She's Baaaaaaaackkkkkkkk....well, almost ;)

2008-06-03T14:05:00.004-04:00

Hey blog fam!

Sorry for the long absence, but as I stated in my last post, the last couple of weeks were a beast! I am sitting in the airport at Chicago Midway as I type while awaiting my DELAYED plane which is scheduled to have me back in The Lou by 3pm this afternoon. I am not overly confident about my chances, so I thought I might post this quick blog to pass the time as I wait.

The party was a blast though Mother Nature got a bit pissy with us and tried to rain us out. I don't know what her problem was since she was sent a gold engraved invitation inviting her to attend. No matter though cause as y'all know, Ms. Just Write Now don't let a little Mother Nature piss stop no show! I have been too busy with business travels the last week to upload my pictures or to create my movie but as soon as I do, they will be shared here along with all the details of the festivities. However, I would like to thank my blog bro Mega Rich and his spectacularly beautiful family for gracing my affair with their presence ;)

I know I've been off the radar for a bit and my apologies to all of my regular reads for my failure to drop in and to comment. I find that I am so far behind with all of you super regular bloggers that I will never catch up if I comment. So though I will go back and catch up on everything I missed by reading the old posts, I will probably reserve my comments for the most recent posts so that I can get back on track as soon as possible...unless that is I find I simply can't help myself ;b

Even so, when I finally had the time to get online and do me instead of "The Man's bidding" last night, I found my gurls had started THE PUSSY CHATS! Now why they wanna go and do that?! I got caught up over there in a matter of an hour or less and simply couldn't refrain from adding my own two cents once I found my personal invitation to do so! You can see what I had to say here, but there are so many other things you've thought but never had the guts to say all over the place that you simply must stop by whether you have a pussy of your own or not! So at this time, I'd like to give a huge thank you to my blog sistahs Lovebabz and CapCity for RELEASING THE CATS OVER AT THE CHATS! Y'all are my idols!

Well, they are claiming my plane is here so I'd better wrap this now. I'll be back soon and I look forward to stopping by all of y'alls places soon so gone and get the margaritas ready!

There are no words....(all evidence to the contrary ;)

2008-05-21T06:51:00.015-04:00

Hi blog family! As most of you know, this is a very big week for my family as the love of my life graduated from high school last night and is heading off to college in the fall! My son Ryan has indeed made my life fulfilling in ways I never even dreamed possible; so much so that I must take this opportunity to say thank you to any and everyone with whom I interacted in my life that led to me becoming the mother of this amazing person as I believe that everything that happens to an individual is necessary and comes together to lead them to wherever it is they wind up. As I watch Ryan begin to make his own dreams come true in much the same way he has brought so many of my dreams to fruition I am both amazed and astonished.

With a son like Ryan, I am very used to witnessing wonderful spectacles, even so, I was still knocked off my feet by this...

I thought I was prepared, because this was a long time in coming. However, to actually hear the name I chose for him more than 18 years ago be called and subsequently watch him walk across that stage so strong and proud of himself, almost brought me to my knees. Another young man in his graduating class who is one half of a set of twins is being treated for brain cancer which is considered to be terminal in this case. As his twin brother helped him up the stairs to receive his diploma, I felt as if the breath had been stolen from my body as I realized how truly blessed I am to have a son who is not only graduating high school, but who also is in great health as well. My heart went out to this young man's mother as every cell in my body withered at the thought that such a thing could happen to someone's "RYAN". Once again I realized that though acknowledging and appreciating our children's accomplishments is very important, it is so much more critical that we acknowledge and appreciate our children themselves...after all, THEY are the true gift!

With the ceremony over and the Graduation Party & 4th Annual Memorial Day Weekend "Remember When..." Picnic still on the horizon for next Sunday (all my blog family is welcome so consider yourself officially invited and shoot me an email for the particulars if you will be/are in the St. Louis vicinity on Sunday, May 25th) I have tons to do. I have already purchased and begun to clean the more than 600 pounds of meat for the bar-b-que which my brother-in-law Gary will make happen at my house on Saturday. I will be hand forming close to 120 hamburgers and grilling up more than 300 bratwurst and hotdogs before this is all over. The house is clean and ready for the onslaught of more than 250 of our favorite everyday people and by Friday evening, the yard around my house will look like a back-in-the-day old skool picnic wonderland! The party begins at 2pm and doesn't end until the last guest decides to go home (and if you know my family, you know that could take days!). The dee-jays have been contracted and will begin to spin their magical spells around 5pm with shift changes so the music never stops! Games like horse shoes, washers, and volleyball will be played by the teens and adults while sack races, three-legged races, and hula-hoop contests and the such will be enjoyed by the babies and some young at heart grown folk too I'm sure. Somewhere up in all this activity, there will be card tables set up to accommodate games of Bid Whist, Spades, Tonk, and Dominos (a.k.a. BONES for you die-hards), and my brother Dee (who is doing wonderfully well with his kidney) will be dealing up a friendly game of Black Jack for those who might be interested. Last but not least, the bartenders (a.k.a. my sister Jackie and my pal Mark) will be serving up delectable libations such as Desert Pear Margaritas and Appletini's, Original and Strawberry Margaritas, and just about any other concoction you can come up with at the bar which will be fully stocked with beer and premium liquors and up and running throughout! So if indeed you are in the neighborhood, do stop in!

Now back to the real subject of this post while the glow of watching my life's miracle make miracles of his own is still all over me!

Me and Ryan stylin' and profilin' following his high school graduation ceremony!

My babyboy...oops!, scratch that, my babyMAN will be attending college next fall where he will work towards taking his awesome talents as an artist (cartoons and computer graphics/animation) to a whole other level.

(Sample of one of Ryan's Computer Graphic Cartoons)

Of course those of you who stop by here regularly know that this post could go on for the next week or so if I don't exercise some self-control (something of which I have very little when it comes to extolling the glories of being this young man's mother ;), so I'll wrap by saying this...

"Though I have done many things in my life of which I am quite openly proud, they ALL pale in comparison to having mothered this manchild. His high school graduation represents his own ability to make things happen for himself and allows me the opportunity to burst with pride over the fact that I had a hand in creating and raising to manhood an individual who is not afraid to go out into the world and do just that...make things happen! THIS IS HIS ACCOMPLISHMENT, something I make a point of making sure he knows. However, I also hope he knows how very special I feel to be allowed to share his joy as he begins to discover for himself what I have known since the day he was born and that is that he is well on his way to becoming THE SPECTACULAR MAN he was always pre-destined to be ;)

It'll be quiet around here for a few but I promise those of you who can't attend one spectacular picture video montage of all the festivities once they are over!

Gone and sing it for me now Stevie...

MIA...

2008-05-15T16:31:00.008-04:00

Yeah, I heard it...the grumblings of "Where is she?", the "Where has she gones?", and the "I know one thing, she had better show her butt up around these parts sometime soon or there are going to be some major problems!" Well I hope y'all can forgive me, but just take a look around and you'll see where it all began.

I got to spend a long weekend in Aguadilla, Puerto Rico where I had to spend Saturday working but Sunday was mine to do with as I pleased. Well, what I pleased to do with it was to spend it at the beach! So I asked around and a couple of the soldiers that I worked with that weekend informed me that Jobo Beach was the most beautiful beach in Aguadilla and thus where I would spend the day on Sunday was decided!

This amazing beach had it all...rocky cliffs that overlook the surf crashing against the rocks of the cliffs themselves with so much force that the spray created rises higher than the cliffs themselves.

On the other side of the cliffs I found a beautiful beach with golden sand and quaint little beach establishments serving up anything my little heart desired in the way of libations. My drug of choice: Pina Colada! I rented myself a chaise, disrobed myself of my cover-up, got the first of several delicious libations, and began to do what I have learned after all of these years to do best...lay back and enjoy life as it is!!!

What's that you say? Pray tell did I hear you say (or even insinuate) that yours truly, Ms. Just Write Now lay on that beautiful beach and never even so much as thought of you, her beloved blog family? Au Contraire my friends, au contraire...

So you see, even in the midst of paradise with all of this available to her...

YOU, her blog family remain always in the heart of yours truly, Ms. Just Write Now!

PEACE AND LOVE FAMILY

PEACE AND LOVE!!!

What? Stop Blogging...What do you mean stop blogging?!

2008-04-27T17:07:00.001-04:00

A week or so ago, I was reading the blog of one of my very favorite bloggers and real life friends the infamous Ladylee, when I came upon this disclaimer:

"Warning: This a long post, maybe the longest I've ever written. I do that for a reason: I know very few will read it, so I can just flow freeeeely. That's cool, because number one, I'm not a "comment whore", and number two, 99.99999% of what I write is for ME."

I was stopped cold by this statement:

"...I'm not a "comment whore"..."

and of course, me being me I found myself wondering..."AM I A COMMENT WHORE?"

I have been blogging here on blogger since November 2005, and in that time, I have written posts that seemed to inspire a huge amount of conversation and debate and others which received not a peep of a comment out of anyone; if indeed anyone actually read them at all. If I am completely honest with you and myself, I'd have to admit that on the occasions that a post I wrote generated a lot of discussion I was estatic. However, when on the other hand one of my posts appeared to have fallen upon deaf ears based on the fact that it received ZERO comments, I typically find that I am somewhat disappointed.

When I step back and ask myself "Why it is that I blog?", the answer is always the same...I blog because I love writing and I love writing whether or not others respond to what I write. Nevertheless, at the risk of revealing my egotism, I also blog because I CRAVE the feedback some of my posts receive from those of you who honor me with your comments.

These thoughts led me to another question..."Under what conditions would I STOP blogging and if I did, would I actually delete this blog?" Now this is a question I can easily answer...I cannot conceive of a situation that would cause me to stop blogging, and if I ever did, the answer to the question "Would I delete this blog?" is NOT NO BUT HELL TO THE NAWL!! Though I actually know bloggers (through blogging) who have deleted what I thought were absolutely amazing blogs, for me that would be tantamount to amputating one of my limbs myself or killing my own child and I simply could not do it. I sometimes have nightmares about Blogger going mad as it has in the past and inadvertently deleting my blog...this is one of the few things that might keep me awake at night if I weren't such an excellent sleeper ;)

Over the past year, blogging has essentially saved my life as I dealt with the ups and downs of a relationship and its end. Admittedly, there were times when I wished I had not written some of the things I've written and at times I have even considered deleting a post or two, but always the rational side of me asks myself "Why do that?" After all, what is, is and what happened, happened...deleting the post that tells the story doesn't change the fact that it ACTUALLY happened so what would be the point of deleting the post.

I am so grateful to this little blog of mine because it has given me a venue in which I could let this little light of mine shine, shine, shine and believe me, I do my best to let it SHINE!

So now I ask YOU,

Does the fact that I am somewhat disappointed when a post I write receives no comments make me a "comment whore"?
Do you consider yourself to be a "comment whore"?
Would you continue to blog if you NEVER received another comment on any post you write?
In the event that you ever decided to stop blogging would you delete your blog?

Let me hear from you if you don't mind too terribly as this is something about which I am very curious. Also, before I go, please believe me when I say that "This is NOT the "comment whore" in me trying to solicit more comments!" LOL ;)

Twins Re-Connected By Blog ;)

2008-04-24T01:11:00.003-04:00

Comment | Copy This

Mirror Re-Image by Sharon J. for Lovebabz

At the core of you I recognized me
Significant and glorious and fully the “I”, I strive to be
Choosing love over all else especially fear
Your voice speaks the words my brain whispers in my ear.

Your smile reflects the joy of the life I’ve been gifted
Your heart plays the rhythms on which my spirit is lifted
From your words I gather nourishment again and again
So similar are parts of our journeys, I call you my Twin.

My sibling unmet, unseen, technically unheard
We’re related by blog, by hearts, and by words
Come hell or high water I know you are there
Strengthening me, steadying me, with your soul--so rare.

Geography notwithstanding we’re connected, you and I
Not born of the same parents, the laws of genetics we defy
More alike than different yet different all the same
Lovebabz you amaze me, and thus I speak your name.

I speak it when lonely, feeling lost, or afraid
I speak it when at last into night the day fades
I speak it in exclamation when so filled with happiness I nearly burst
I speak your name because you felt all of these things first.

“How can this be?”, when I’m the older I believe
Your wisdom predates your birth and from GOD it was received
You bring knowledge from the ancestors which you generously share
Teaching us all about love and not being afraid to show we care.

You are fearless about love and your message is heard
It fortifies us and encourages us to spread the good word
Until from my lips to his ears and so on from there
This wonderful chorus becomes a new prayer.

A prayer that is being answered in you and in me
A prayer that is being realized in everything that we see
In our children, our friends, and all the loves of our lives
A prayer that began with you and now lives and now thrives.

Changing the unchangeable is what you do so well
Each and every one of us benefits from the truths that you tell
New understandings help us all to grow [as you say] in love
And though this is your birthday WE received in YOU, a special gift from above.

At the core of you I recognized me
Significant and glorious and fully the “I”, I strive to be!

© Sharon J. All Rights Reserved 2008

Forget everything else I’ve ever said, “I wanna be YOU when I grow up!

Sometimes Long-term Gratification Arrives Sooner Than You Think!

2008-04-17T01:22:00.008-04:00

Two weeks or so ago, my son Ryan took me on the most fabulous date of my life; we went to his high school's annual Mom Prom. During this amazing once in a lifetime event, I was presented with a letter my son had written to me. This letter was so amazing that it made me cry as I read it because it was proof positive that much of what I hoped I had taught my son had been absorbed. For the first time in his life, I was able to see that my child indeed had a sensitivity for what it has taken on my part to raise him. Here is what his letter to me said:

Dear Mom,

I wanted to write this letter to thank you for all of the wonderful things you have done for me during my high school career. I really appreciated you giving me the opportunity to go to a school as great as CBC and, even more, I appreciate the many sacrifices you have made to keep me here. You have made financial sacrifices and donated countless hours of your time for not only my academics but my extra-curricular activities as well. Sacrifices this large take not only patience but love and I'd like to thank you for being patient with me and loving me through my high school experience regardless of how hard things may have been at times. I will never forget the sacrifices you have made for me and I plan on passing on the same love and patience when I have kids. Thank you for everything.

Your son,
Ryan

As they say, turnabout is fair play, so on Friday, March 21st when I received a letter from Ryan's school explaining to me that he would be participating in an overnight retreat for seniors at his school on Monday April 14th and asking me to write a letter to my son in which I should say whatever it was that I felt I wanted to say to him at this juncture in his life I jumped at the chance. I was asked to keep the letter a secret from my son and deliver or mail it to his school so that it could be given to him during the overnight retreat. As you can see by the two JPEG files of the actual letter I wrote to my son, I was able to create a watermark using his baby pictures. Since the text in the pictures is probably not legible to the average eye, I have pasted the actual text of the letter below with my son's permission. Keep in mind that since I am 25 years older than my son, I had a bit more to say! ;)

April 13, 2008

Dear Ryan,

I love you.

The day we left home to drive to Nebraska for Easter, I received a letter from CBC asking me to secretly write this letter to you and send it to the school so it could be given to you now during your senior retreat (remember Mom Prom? Turnabout is fair play they say ;). I started working on the letter the next day and only finished it this past weekend because there are so many things I want to say to you that I found it hard to put into words. The most important thing, I have already said but will say again because it is always worth repeating: “I love you”.

I can remember the day you were born and every second of your life with me since so clearly that when I look at you now, I am stunned to see the man you have become. This man seems so far removed from the happy, handsome little boy with the chubby arms that were constantly wrapped around my neck as he whispered “I love you Mommee!” in my ear. I can remember thinking as I watched you grow up that the day would come when you would grow out of “loving your Mommee”, and I was afraid of that day. Thankfully, it has never come because for some reason I will never possibly be deserving of, GOD chose to send me this amazing son who has and continues to show his love for his mother in the face of everything, even other teenagers and his newly found love of girls!

I worry that you fail to understand how truly wonderful and gifted you are so let me tell you again in writing just so you will have something to which you can refer in the future if ever you are unsure. First of all and maybe most importantly, you have a great heart. You care about other people and you show them that you do most of the time. That is a gift from GOD that I pray you will embrace, cherish, and never allow yourself to lose or take for granted. It is your heart, (not your head) that will always help you to do what is right; so give it the respect it deserves always and it will never steer you wrong.

Your personality sets you apart from the rest of the crowd; it has since the day you were born. You are interesting and fun to be around and that is why people have and always will love you and want to be a part of your inner circle. Since you were a very small child, you were a leader amongst other children, and almost every adult to whom I have ever introduced you has said something about having “the feeling” that one day you will be a huge success in this world. You have always inspired that sensation in people which makes you a success even now…you exude potential and as you try to realize as much of your potential as you can, you will experience a life filled with wonder and excitement.

You are a natural-born comedian; face it Dude…you are funny! Additionally, you are much smarter than your mother though you have never believed this to be true. The fact of the matter is, in order to be funny one must first be smart. You are still not convinced of the fact that you are indeed very smart, but one day you are going to be so surprised to learn that a person with the quality of brain DNA you have received from both of your family trees cannot help but have a beautiful mind to go along with that beautiful face ;)

Last but not least by a long shot, let me discuss that awe-inspiring “right brain-ness” of yours. YOU ARE AN AMAZING ARTIST! Way back in time when you were 3 or 4 years old, even I, (the anti-artist ;) could see how artistically talented you are. I have a portfolio of drawings you did then which I kept because they impressed me even then. However, I had no idea about the level of talent you would demonstrate as time passed. The visual art you create is truly world-class. From your cartooning to your logo designs to the computer art that you have breathed life into, I am constantly in awe of what you can do! Little did I know until much later that it went far beyond visual art forms and you were musically inclined as well. My favorite pastime is listening to you play the piano. You have no idea how brilliantly you play but I do, and I hope you will continue to explore and learn more about the piano as well as continue to develop your interests in other areas of music. Music though it does not come directly from me (lol!) is also a gift of both of your family trees which makes it as natural to you as breathing; so please let this gift keep on giving.

I know I have to stop this at some point, but there are so many things I want to say to you and this could be the only/last opportunity I ever have to help you to understand what you have brought to my life; so I will not take it for granted. YOU HAVE BEEN AN ONGOING AND CONSTANTLY THRILLING GIFT TO ME!! Even on our worst days with each other (some report card days, “clean this pit of a room days”, “why do I have to tell you the same thing over and over days”, etc. ;), you have been the best thing that EVER HAS OR WILL happen to me. You have saved my life without knowing it so many times that the only word that really describes you is HERO…my hero that is. As I told you in my email to you last week, your graduation from high school is YOUR accomplishment of which I get to be proud because it is proof positive that you are indeed becoming the man I hoped I was raising. I am very proud of you for graduating high school, but more so for everything else you are and have/will accomplish in your life. You have exceeded all expectations of the kind of person I hoped my son would be. I wish for you as you head out into the world on your own for the first time, what you have brought to me in such abundance: LOVE AND HAPPINESS!!!

One of these days in the not too distant future, some very blessed young woman is going to have the good fortune to have you fall in love with her. She is going to go to bed one night as an ordinary person and then wake up on the day she meets you not knowing that her life is going to be fantastically changed forever that day because of the simple fact that GOD loves her so much! When she wakes up that morning, she is going to be just as clueless as I was on November 14th 1989 because she won’t have any idea that like HE showed me on November 15th 1989, GOD is about to show her HIS love for her by sending to her one of HIS most perfect creations, my son…the smiling, joking, laughing little boy who has matured into the brilliant, talented, awesome man now known as

Mr. Ryan Alexander Jenkins.

Thank you for the privilege and indescribable joy of having been your mother.

Sincerely yours forever,
Ms. Sharon L. Jenkins, preferably known as Mom

My son told me upon returning home from the retreat yesterday that he almost cried when he read his letter. He shared with me that during some of the retreat workshops when other students were asked their impressions of him many spoke of the same characteristics and traits I had spoken of in my letter (i.e. his leadership abilities, intelligence, sense of humor, and artistic skills). In a word, my son was mesmerized by this experience and somewhat shocked to hear the same things being said about him by kids as well as his Mom. Me, I am wholly gratified by the lifelong blessing of getting to be his mother!

In closing, Lauren Hill expresses it best except she mistakenly uses the name Zion instead of Ryan!!! ;)

ENTITLED?

2008-04-13T22:07:00.001-04:00

In Honor of SAAM...
Written on Friday, April 11, 2008 in honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM), a cause about which my best new friend Xavier Pierre (Zay) is quite passionately active and vocal. He has inspired so many of those I know and love to share their voice on this issue that I wanted to let my voice be heard as well. Little do we know what we are truly starting when we start anything at all...nice going Zay!

ENTITLED?

From where does it come?
That sense of being entitled to me you possess.
I am not yours.
I am mine.
I belong to me.

With total authority you enter me.
Your lack of consideration for what’s good for me never ceases to astound.
It’s all about you.
It’s not about me.
It’s your world.

Without permission you overwhelm.
You take all you want though none of what you take is yours.
I am here, but not.
I wish me away.
I am here.

Suddenly you come; then go.
Leaving me to try to separate myself from what you leave behind.
In your wake -- a shell.
In the darkness -- devastation.
Inside -- nothing.

Forever has lasted so long.
Surprised to discover forever is not the same as always; forever has finally ended.
Always is my new beginning.
Always has restored me.
Always I will be.

I am not yours.
I am mine.
I belong to me.

© Sharon J. All Rights Reserved 2008

Hands Down The Best Date Ever!!!

2008-04-05T18:28:00.002-04:00

In this world, a girl/woman is lucky if she is gifted with one man who truly loves her. Me...so far I've been blessed with two. It started with my Daddy who I spoke about in this post. It continues with my son who has been the subject of so many posts such as this one, and this one, and this one...you get the point. ***BIG GRIN***

The fact of the matter is that thanks to the blessing of having been loved unconditionally by these two amazing men, this sistah here can recognize a good man when she runs across one. What that means to the rest of the world and especially to any man who might wish to insert himself into this sistah's life is that he better come correct because she has been loved by the best and they have set a standard that he MUST be able to match!

Now if you would be so kind as to join me for a little video montage of my best date ever!!!

And as an added bonus, let's all "Crank That Soldier Boy!!!"

Let's Just Say That This Just Happens To Be Where My Head Is At Today....

2008-04-03T07:48:00.002-04:00

This is a little something I wrote recently about no one in particular and every man I've ever loved or wanted to love in general...

Here's a little theme music to go along with it...make it go down nice and easy for you :) Y'all know I be feeling me some Jilly from Philly!

ALWAYS ALONE

Never thought I could miss you in your presence.
I know now I can.
With your arrival comes the painful anticipation of your departure.
While in your company the loneliness of your inevitable absence is acute.
When you’ve gone, the happy expectation of our next encounter swells inside me;
even though it is in your presence that I feel the most alone.

"Wo-MAN UP!" I tell myself, as your presence is what I crave.
I only pray I can.
"Live for the here and now and let the future handle itself", I advise me.
"Live, laugh, and love my time with you," I tell me "and relish each second together".
"Live each moment as if it were my last with you," I say, "without looking for tomorrows".
Even though it is in your presence that I feel the most alone.

So that’s just what I do, I celebrate being in your presence.
I simply do what I can.
I smile, laugh, chat, debate, and reach out and touch you often.
I savor you, your intelligence, your energy, the raw masculinity of you.
I convince myself that you are here to stay and in that moment I actually believe me.
Even though it is in your presence that I feel the most alone.

Can you make it go away?

© Sharon J. All Rights Reserved 2008

With 206 bones in the human body, sooner or later I was bound to damage one; wasn't I??

2008-03-29T03:11:00.005-04:00

To put it mildly, it's been a rough week. Plain and simply y'all, a sista is tired, tired, tired. It's all good though 'cuz I've been here before and I know that this too shall pass. Here's the quick recap just to bring y'all up to date on ya gurl...

Left The Lou last Friday afternoon and headed to Nebraska to spend Easter with my BFF and her family. Putting the petal to the metal, I turned what highway laws intended to be a nine hour trip into a seven and a half hour adventure, arriving at my gurl's spot a little before midnight. After sitting up catching up with her until 2am, I went to bed and got up and commenced to spend the day shopping for clothing and all of the necessary groceries required to prepare the Easter Feast she and I planned. On a happy note, I found all kinds of deals on clothing as she lives in a very small, basically rural community in central Nebraska and thankfully since farmers don't have a lot of use for designer duds, all manner of gorgeous articles of clothing found their way to the not 50%, not 75%, BUT 85% off rack!!! Glory be y'all, Ms. Just Write Now was fixta be stylin and profilin' but I digress.

After spending the day shopping, the BFF and I began the preparations for the Easter Feast and as she was preparing more dishes than I, I volunteered to clean her new hardwood floors throughout the house for our Easter celebration as the workmen who were doing the remodel on her kitchen and deck had tracked it horribly with their boots. To put the size and scope of this job into perspective, I'll simply say this, her house is two stories and contains over 6500 square footage of living space and the entire first floor with the exception of a small office and her bedroom had been converted to hard wood flooring in the remodel. Suffice it to say that when I was done, I knew for sure I had done some work! But it's all good, that's how she and I do, and believe me you when I say she has gone so far beyond that floor for me til it ain't even funny. Once again, for the second consecutive night, I hit the bed about 2am.

Sunday dawned and we finished the dinner preparations and entertained 11 for a scrumptious dinner. Following the massive clean-up, I was so tired I simply wanted to find a bed and fall in but as our 18 year old sons were both out and she had to work the next morning, I agreed to be the one to wait up for them to make sure they arrived home safely. Once again, bedtime for me wasn't until 2am.

Monday morning I got up around 8am and prepared for the return drive home. Making the trip in about 8 hours, I went to bed to prepare to drive Ryan to visit the last of the colleges he is considering attending next year. After a 2 hour drive there, we spent the day touring the campus, (walking), visiting professors and departments (more walking), and hanging out with football players and coaches (still more walking), all of which I did in boots with 3 inch heels. Ryan loved the school and the people and it is most likely where he will be going next year. Another 2 hour trip brought me back home where I was thrilled to find the mountain of work that had accumulated since my last day at work the previous Friday. I also had to prepare for my boss who was scheduled to work with me again on Thursday after having been in town to work with me only a week before on the previous Wednesday.

Before I could dig into the work however, my mother phoned to tell me one of my favorite aunts was in the hospital and had been hooked to a ventilator as she was unable to breathe for herself. Of course I immediately went to the hospital to interpret for my family and to see about my aunt first hand. She was in pretty bad shape as she was unable to communicate and was also on a feeding tube in addition to the ventilator. I had the unpleasant task of explaining to those in the decision-making positions what her options were and what my aunt's apparent prognosis was and at that point; it wasn't very good. Remaining at the hospital until 11:30pm or so, I finally went home and returned again on Wednesday night as well.

On a bright note, I also attended the Jill Scott concert with my pregnant girlfriend and her husband who promptly got into a fight (the husband) with a random guy because he says the guy bumped/hit their car with his body (not another car mind you). Keep in mind that it was raining cats and dogs in The Lou that night and as I watched from the warm, dryness of my own car, I assure you I had absolutely no intentions of getting out. That is until my knuckle-headed, pregnant girlfriend jumps out of their car and tries to break up the fight. Instinct took over for me as I feared she or their unborn baby might be hurt and jumped out of my car to help break these fools apart. After getting my friend's husband back into their car with some not so nice words of encouragement and a good, old-fashioned, round-the-way gurl push, we finally parked and went into the concert for which we were 30 minutes late. That's alright tho y'all cause Ms. Jilly most certainly did NOT disappoint a sistah! SHE BLEW IT UP!!!

Thursday comes and I work with the boss again, do hospital duty with the aunt who is MUCH, MUCH, MUCH improved though still on the ventilator which is now doing only 40% of the breathing for her, and then at long last, I go to bed early.

Waking refreshed on Friday morning, who knew that in just seven short hours, I would be on my way to the local ER having stubbed the third toe of my right foot on the suitcase sitting on my bedroom floor that I had yet to unpack from last weekend's trip to Nebraska. X-rays showed a spiral fracture at the point the arrow is pointing to in the picture at the beginning of this post. Once again, my tendency to procrastinate about doing things I know I should do immediately has been my undoing. Ryan's Mom Prom is next Friday night, and I bought the cutest dress for it just yesterday. It is short, and the look of my foot in this oh so attractive fracture boot is not quite the fashion statement I had planned to make. Additionally, Ryan and I had planned to put every other mother-son combination to shame on the dance floor at this event we have been looking forward to for four long years.

Oh well, no use crying at this point as I know that it will all work out because everything always does. HOWEVER, I'll say it again y'all, this sistah here is tired, tired, tired...I'm going to go to bed now ;b

I exist, therefore I am...and now you're telling me I have to have a purpose too?

2008-03-17T12:03:00.005-04:00

A certain curly-headed lurker called me up last night to ask me questions about the concept of "purpose" in one's life. We had quite an extensive discussion about this ideology, and before I realized it was happening, I had discovered that in some wierd transmutation of the universe, I truly don't believe that each of us has a singular purpose so to speak to fulfill during our time here on earth!

Now before passing sentence on me and banishing me from ever even speaking the title of Mr. Warren's book aloud again, please bear with me while I try to explain my shocking perspective.

While it is important to understand that I am without question a person who is quite driven in life, I believe it is equally important to understand that I am not necessarily driven in quite the same way that many profess themselves to be driven, i.e. by purpose. A hard worker by upbringing and an over-achiever by nature (or so my son says), I am driven by myself and my response to my personal work ethic along with a desire to never be the proverbial "dumbass" in any room to do what I must to excel in every endeavor I attempt.

Tonight, while hanging quietly in my room reading blogs and trying to come up with a topic for this post, my beautiful, intelligent, and remarkably self-contained [especially for a 24 year-old] Goddaughter [the afore-mentioned curly-haired lurker] called to ask me my opinions on my personal purpose in life. Remembering what 24 was like, I was actually somewhat hesitant to share my views on purpose with her for fear that it would derail her from the path that 24 year olds inevitably find themselves traveling. After a short amount of introspections, I decided to do what I always do when it comes to this amazing individual and give her the unvarnished truth as I see/live it.

I explained to her that in my opinion, "Purpose" as a concept is quite overrated. Let me try to explain what I mean by this statement...

I believe that too many people spend too much time and exert way too much energy "looking for their purpose in life". In my opinion, purpose is something that is specific to wherever an individual is at any given moment in life and as such is a different thing for the same individual depending on the stage of life they may be in at any given time. That means that like most things in life, a person's purpose probably changes as a consequence of all of the other changes that are constantly happening in one's life. This being the case, it would seem to me that this idea of one's "Purpose" being the singular defining reason for why they were sent to this earth in the first place is way too big to accommodate any phenomenon with such a huge propensity for change.
If one does decide to take the position that we each have a specific singular purpose we are supposed to fulfill while here, a look down the road and into a future where that purpose has or has not been fulfilled results in a couple of questions that I believe it is important to answer. In scenario I, one fulfills his/her purpose by the ripe old age of 30...what's next? If purpose is a singular, overriding, and defining reason for why we are here, what is left for the individual who manages to find and fulfill his/her purpose quickly? Do they get a new purpose? Do we all get more than one? If we each have a singular purpose for which we were put here, what is this individual supposed to do with the rest of his/her life? What happens now? In scenario II, let's assume the individual never discovers nor fulfills his/her purpose...what happens here? Does this mean this person's life has been a waste and he/she is a failure at life? Should he/she continue to try to "find" a purpose or should he/she just give up and accept their perceived failure? If he/she does find "a new purpose" does that mean that they were mistaken about what they thought was their purpose before, or is this so-called "new purpose" a cop out? The fact that in either of these scenarios the individual is left to figure out what to do next seems to belie the idea of a singular purpose in any of our lives.
Another issue I have with the concept of a singular purpose is that for far too many people, purpose seems to relate to their occupation or vocation when in my view of the world if one were to be given a singular purpose to fulfill, I would think it would be connected to things that bring more value to the average individual's life than what we do to cover the cost of living. Though I fully understand that some of us actually do work at jobs that we truly love and that we find fulfilling, it is my belief that the mass majority of us work at jobs that are just that jobs...and have very little to do with any greater purpose our lives may have.

I could continue building this list of reasons why I don't personally subscribe to the idea of a singular purpose in my own life, but I won't because who has time for all of that? I will add this point from my own personal experience here on earth that just might shed a little more light on my views. If I were asked to define my own singular purpose in life if indeed I have one, I would have to say that it would be to have been my son's mother. However, this is something I would answer with the wisdom of the perspective of hindsight working for me. When I discovered that I was pregnant almost 20 years ago, I can assure you that I felt absolutely no sense of this pregnancy possibly being the first step to me fulfilling any purpose I might have been given in this life. Even as I raised this fantastic little boy to manhood, I still felt no sense of this being my purpose though I admit to having enjoyed doing this one thing more than anything else I've done. Additionally, now that my son is a man and well on his way to being on his own in the world, if being his mother was the singular purpose assigned to me by the cosmos or whatever entity is responsible for assigning purpose, does that mean I'm done now? Of course it doesn't, and for this reason more than anything else maybe, I don't buy into the idea of a singular purpose in life.

Not subscribing to the idea of a singular purpose has made my life easier in many ways in my opinion. I have spent virtually no time in the past 43 years comparing myself to others as it relates to where I happen to be at any point in my life. I don't find myself looking at those who have attained educational goals that I still aspire to achieve and thinking that they have done a better job of deciphering and attaining their purpose in this world. I don't look at married couples and think they are further along the path to fulfilling their purpose than I am. I don't find myself falling into depressions with the advent of my birthday each year because I am not where I thought I'd be by "x" date or point in time; to the contrary, I anticipate each birthday with the same excitement I had for my birthday as a child. As a matter of fact, though I spend a significant amount of time planning for my future, I DO NOT have a 5, 10, 15... or any other number of years plan; don't get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with making these kinds of plans...I simply don't do them. I definitely make plans for myself and my future such as my current "plan" to become a published author (I'm already a writer ;) within the calendar year running from February 1, 2008 to January 31, 2009. Notice I am writing that very specific and measureable goal here in the public realm for each of you to read and if you want attempt to hold me accountable to achieving. As I write it, I fully expect to fulfill this goal; however, if I don't, such is life...I'll change the "complete by date" and try again with absolutely no shame in my game regardless of what any of you might have to say about it! LOL!

If I believe in the concept of a singular purpose at all, I'd have to say it is with a caveat. I believe that if indeed we have a singular purpose in life, it must minimally be similar to the way other positive characteristics are assigned to us...things like beauty, intelligence, personality, etc. I think if indeed we each have a purpose in life, that purpose whatever it may be is not assigned to each of us to the same degree. What I mean by this is that much like physical beauty is possessed by each of us to some degree, some possess more and some possess less, purpose in my opinion probably operates much the same way. This explains to my satisfaction those people I meet on rare occasions who seem to be doing exactly what fulfills them and utilizes the gifts they possess to the utmost potential. These individuals are to purpose what Halle Berry and Dorothy Dandridge (according to many) was to the idea of black, feminine beauty. This also reinforces for me why for the majority of us for whom purpose is not so obviously an identifiable gift, spending inordinate amounts of time and energy trying to discern it might not be a sensible idea.

The take-away folks is that purpose should be a good thing in one's life. It should focus us on the creation of goals and objectives that if achieved should hopefully enrich our lives. At the same time, as it focuses us, our purpose should be flexible and capable of being adjusted, modified, or even scrapped without leaving us to feel we have failed or even worse, that we are failures. Purpose should inspire us to do great things, not convict us about the things we are doing. In too many cases, I find that those "purpose driven individuals" that I personally know are much too hard on themselves. They are often found stressing over how much of their lives have passed with them not yet having identified their purpose...or worse, they are distraught over the thought that they may never be able to fulfill the purpose they believe they have identified. So much energy focused on something that should be a positive influence in our lives and yet seems so often to be such a negative force in our lives can't be a good thing. So as a happily purposeless woman, I'd like to offer the following suggestions...

RELAX and let yourself do whatever it is that you do!

If indeed we each do have a specific singular purpose to fulfill, it will surely find us so don't stress over it. If we each have multiple purposes to fulfill, I am sure those will find us too. Even if the final verdict is that there is no such thing as purpose, that's okay too because if each of us are doing whatever it is that we do, I assure you that we will be doing what it is we are supposed to be doing and in my opinion, none of us can expect any more from ourselves than that!

So let me hear from you now...Do you believe you have a singular purpose? Have you identified it yet? Is it something you expect to be able to identify? Have you fulfilled it yet? What if you never find it...what then?

I AIN'T MISSING YOU...I Can Lie To Myself...Can't I?

2008-03-14T02:23:00.005-05:00

Okay peeps, here's my story...

See what had happened waz I made a new friend who I like a whole, whole lot. My new friend is a guy and regardless of what y'all might be thinking right now he really is a new friend even if he does also happen to be a guy ;)

What was that? Is he a boyfriend? Are we romantically involved? The answers to these questions are as follows:

I MET A NEW FRIEND!
No!
No!

However, if I am completely honest with myself, I'd have to say that there are definitely moments when I think that I'd like the answers to those last two questions to be yes and yes! As most of you know, I have recently (like in less than a year ago) gotten out of a pretty intense relationship, so based on that, I'm truly trying to take things slowly for a minute as I feel the need to regroup and find my own center again. Nevertheless, I can say that the possibilities presented by this new friendship could definitely include a romance down the line as far as I'm concerned!

Since meeting, we have spent huge amounts of time talking to each other and as of late, we've also spent a good amount of time in each other's company though no romantic liaisons have been formed. Also, it is important to note that it has only been a few days (since Sunday) that we have not talked or spent time together and I'm sure it is just a consequence of us both being busy and working opposite schedules. So what is the point of this post you ask? Simply put, it is this...spending time together and having such great (and long, on average 4-6 hours long) conversations have quickly become things I enjoy doing with him. I've already developed such a fondness for the times we share with each other that I look forward to them and when they don't occur as regularly as I'd like them to, I find that I miss them/him. I am a woman who loves consistency. I crave it like some women crave chocolate. I love forming habits that are good for me, and I'm sure that spending lots of time with this particular person is very, very good for me.

Most of y'all probably won't believe this isn't about lust...well of course there are moments when it very well might be about lust, but I swear that most of the time it is simply about wanting to spend more time doing what I have come to love doing so much...being in his presence.

So I ask y'all, under these circumstances where there is no official relationship other than a pretty cool azz developing friendship is it alright to want/wish for consistency? In the absence of a romantic liaison (even though sometimes I feel a very definite romantic spark) is it okay to miss him? If it is alright to miss him, is it alright to let him know he is missed? If it isn't alright to let him know he is missed, why isn't it? Is that playing games?, ('cause if it is, I don't do that)...Finally, if it isn't appropriate to let him know he is missed, at what point does it become okay if indeed it ever does?

I know one thing is real, whether or not it actually applies to my situation, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS SONG...both when it was originally recorded by John Waite as well as Tina's version which I am providing for y'all right here...ENJOY!

I am adding this poem to this post b/c I made a promise to a friend to publish ALL poetry that I write to publish on other blogs, somewhere on this blog TOO...

2am

The loudest quiet ever is 2am.
When you’re lying there;
eyes squeezed shut, wishing
the phone would ring. Wishing
you were not in bed alone. Wishing
2am was not so loud that it kept keeping you awake.

The brightest darkness occurs at 2am.
When dazzling light appears;
from behind your eyelids shining
so brightly you can’t sleep. Shining
the dull façade of heartache. Shining
the dark of night to the glare of noon, keeping you awake.

The most enthusiastic sadness happens at 2am.
When despair captures you;
and visits upon you its willing
victim, tears and fears. Willing
you to wallow in sorrow. Willing
you to relinquish optimism and hope while keeping you awake.

Hold on…with the morning comes renewal.

© Sharon J. All Rights Reserved 2008

Hillary Gives The Phrase "BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY..." A Whole New Meaning!

2008-03-11T05:21:00.003-05:00

Somewhere she completely missed the concept of TEAM. I'm guessing no one ever told her there is no "I" in "TEAM", and that even if there were, there is a way to promote one's self even while playing as a member of the team. Perhaps she doesn't realize that being a member of the Democratic Party makes her an assumed member of the same team on which Mr. Obama plays even as he promotes himself as a standout star of said team. When winning is so important one is willing to elevate one's ultimate opponent (read: JOHN MCCAIN) above one's team mate (read: BARACK OBAMA) and intermediate opponent (and if her rhetoric holds any water, her possible future "running mate"), in my humble opinion, ONE IS LOST and winning or losing for that matter doesn't much matter because they become the same thing.

Still don't believe that for Mrs. Clinton the program is WIN AT ALL/ANY COST? Click this link:

http://news.aol.com/newsbloggers/2008/03/11/ill-go-to-democratic-convention-with-a-pitchfork-if-hillary-ste/ where you can find the article that goes along with this clip:

Through it all, Mr. Obama continues to forge his path ahead without sacrificing the class and grace that are without question among the many qualities that first endeared him to me as a candidate. The take-away here is that just because the pitcher pitches low balls to you, YOU don't necessarily have to stoop to HER level in order to hit them. YOU can hit the low ball pitched to you without lowering the standard YOU bring to the game. Don't believe me...WATCH AND LEARN:

OH, and by the way, I knew Mr. Obama had won TEXAS!

http://news.aol.com/political-machine/2008/03/11/its-official-clinton-lost-texas/

BE EVER VIGILANT FOLKS...We've seen this before, so let's not stand by and take it this time! MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD!!!

(I'm sorry for a second political rant in a row, but I get soooooooooo upset by folk who don't play fair. A huge believer in the thought process that says we all learned "EVERYTHING WE NEEDED TO KNOW IN KINDERGARTEN", I find all of this to be a bit difficult to swallow. However, all of that notwithstanding, I promise no more politics for at least a week, maybe even two ;)

This Black Woman Supports Mr. Barack Obama...and she ain't afraid to say it!!!

2008-03-06T10:00:00.010-05:00

Can anyone tell me where these political pundits get off with this assumption that because I am a black woman who supports Mr. Barack Obama's candidacy for president, I am simply delivering my support to him because of the fact that we both happen to be black?

I have never, ever voted for Jesse Jackson for any reason...I wouldn't vote him dogcatcher; oh and btw, he's black too.
Before this election, I have never voted for any black candidate for the Presidency of the United States and I was black in all the previous elections in which I voted too.
I have voted for many white candidates for any number of offices even in some instances when there was a black candidate running as the opponent; but I guess they probably assumed I punched the wrong chad.

If you are able to answer that question, let's try another one. Please explain to me (slowly as you must realize that as a black woman my ability to comprehend is limited at best and you may lose me if you go too fast **smh**) why it is that the converse is not the case; meaning that when a white male or female votes for Billary or McCain or any other of the multitudes of available caucasian candidates the same assumption is not made?

I suppose white folks vote the issues because...why again?
It reminds me of an incident that occurred on my last job where this brother (i.e. African-American colleague) would not join me and the 3 other black co-workers in our division for lunch in the corporate lunch room for fear he would be seen as "only cavorting with blacks". First of all, I don't cavort; however, if I choose to start, why I ask you must we be concerned about such things when white folks find that they can sit with/vote for whomever without racial assumptions being drawn. I say, "I'll sit wherever and vote for whomever I damned well please and anyone who has a problem with that can kiss my....!"

Now that you're all warmed up, I'm sure you will be able to knock this one out of the park for me! Why is it that the fact that I CHOOSE to support the candidacy of Mr. Barack Obama MUST BE all about race when the fact that some caucasians CHOOSE not to support him MUST BE about anything else BUT race?

Because the fact of the matter is that it is NOT POSSIBLE that white folks in American would choose not to support for president the perfect man to take the reigns of this country based on one reason, BECAUSE HE IS A BLACK MAN...

Tired yet? You should be, 'cause believe me when I say, "I most definitely am!" I AM TIRED! Tired of having my intelligence be considered suspect because I have chosen to support the candidate I BELIEVE best aligns with what I consider to be the most urgent needs of this country: GETTING THE HELL OUT OF IRAQ YESTERDAY and ELECTING A PRESIDENT WHO ACTUALLY REMEMBERS THAT THOSE WHO WORK THE HARDEST DAY IN AND DAY OUT TO MAKE THIS COUNTRY THE AMAZING PLACE IT HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BE (yeah I said it dammit, **POTENTIAL** 'cause we damned sure ain't there yet! So bring it on, I can take it just like Michelle!) DESERVE A PRESIDENT WHO WILL WORK ON THEIR BEHALF TOO!

I'm tired of folk who don't even know me and who can't begin to relate to what my experience has been trying to tell me what MY ISSUES are. All this talk about Obama supporters being conned by his eloquent speeches makes me wonder if these so called "political analysts" have ever listened to a word Mr. Obama has spoken. Please someone tell me what part of "I plan to withdraw our troops from Iraq within a year and a half" isn't about the issues facing this country. What part of "I have a plan for Universal Healthcare that does not involve garnishing an individual's payroll or blocking his/her ability to secure gainful employment" is not about the issues facing this country? At what point does "Instead of giving no-bid contracts to companies headed by the President's former campaign manager, we will make sure that rebuilding benefits the local economy. I have worked across the aisle in the Senate to crack down on no-bid contracts, and to make sure that emergency contracting is only done immediately after an emergency. When I am President, if there is a job that can be done by a New Orleans resident, the contract will go to a resident of New Orleans. And we'll provide tax incentives to businesses that choose to set up shop in the hardest hit areas. " fail to address one of the major issues facing New Orleans and the the areas hardest hit by Hurricane Katrina which even now, more than two years later is still virtually a devastated wasteland. In this world of political pundits dictating for us what our votes mean and/or say we believe I ask you why does this perspective "Each year, as we watch the State of the Union, we see half the chamber rise to applaud the President and half the chamber stay in their seats. We see half the country tune in to watch, but know that much of the country has stopped even listening. Imagine if next year was different. Imagine if next year, the entire nation had a president they could believe in. A president who rallied all Americans around a common purpose. That's the kind of President we need in this country. And with your help in the coming days and weeks, that's the kind of President I will be." not receive more airtime? I don't know about you, but I have not had many phone calls or pieces of literature mailed to me by the republican candidates appealing to me to forget party alignment and work with them to realize this country's promise. Does the fact that Mr. Obama spoke out very specifically against the accepted politics of getting things done in Washington D.C. in this passage, "It's a game where lobbyists write check after check and Exxon turns record profits, while you pay the price at the pump, and our planet is put at risk. That's what happens when lobbyists set the agenda, and that's why they won't drown out your voices anymore when I am President of the United States of America." fail in some way to elucidate his stand on the issue of the power of Washington lobbyists and large corporations?

Most of all, I need it to be known that I resent with every single cell in my body when I am beat over the head and ridiculed for what most draws me to this particular candidate...our (his and my) shared belief in this:

"Now when I start talking like this, some folks tell me that I've got my head in the clouds. That I need a reality check. That we're still offering false hope. But my own story tells me that in the United States of America, there has never been anything false about hope."

and this:

"But we always knew that hope is not blind optimism. It's not ignoring the enormity of the task ahead or the roadblocks that stand in our path. It's not sitting on the sidelines or shirking from a fight. Hope is that thing inside us that insists, despite all evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it, and to work for it, and to fight for it. "

See, the truth of the matter is that I was raised on hope! I was fed it at least 3 times a day and then my feedings were supplemented with more hope for snack times. It is my belief that in a world full of folks who want to believe that they have all the answers, the only smart thing to do is to find the one who offers hope along with his/her answers as nothing else much matters once they find out that their answers were not necessarily the solution to what ails us. When that point is reached, once the answers have run dry, the only thing left to fall back on is a good dose of hope; it enables one to brush oneself off and try again. Lack of hope results in stagnation as one becomes stuck wherever one is...sounds like the State of Our Union today doesn't it? We have no hope under the current administration and are all just trying to "tread water" until someone/something comes to rescue us. This one thing I know for sure, we are our own rescue squad and by voting to bring hope back into the politics of America, we can not only rescue ourselves, we can rescue our country. One of these days, those candidates who ridicule the hope offered as a primary platform in the Obama campaign will find that their answers (like the answers of so many before them and maybe even the answers of Mr. Obama) are NOT the solutions to the problems we face that they were expecting them to be. When that day comes, I hope their address is not 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue; because if indeed that is the case, we as a country will be faced once again with the perpetuation of all the issues that currently plague this nation and at the same time, find that we are doomed yet again to another long, painful season devoid of hope. I can't promise you that Mr. Obama has the right answers, but what I can promise is that if he finds that he doesn't, he will have the one key ingredient necessary for staying the course and trying again. How many of the other candidates in this electoral process offer anything similar to that?

This IS THE ONLY TIME YOU WILL EVER HEAR ME SAY THIS...but please, I beg of you, take Bill Clinton's advice...

(obviously said while campaigning for Kerry...still no less true today!)

I Was A Poem

2008-03-03T04:43:00.001-05:00

I was a poem once.
I was the memory of Christmases past.
I was the feeling of anticipation of the last day of school.
I was the joy of summertime, hide and seek, red rovers, and tag.
I was his childhood.

I was a poem once.
I was the aroma of bacon on Sunday mornings.
I was the comfort of hugs, kisses, and talk of “when I grow up”.
I was the feeling of being tucked in tight preventing bed bug bites.
I was his security.

I was a poem once.
I was a cross my heart, hope to die, needle in eye girl.
I was a pinky swear, blood brothers, “you my dawg” ace in the hole.
I was “the only one who ever really knew me at all”, all the way down sistah.
I was his confidante.

I was a poem once.
I was a safe harbor in rough waters.
I was shelter from the cold, harsh reality of life’s storms.
I was nourishment, blazing fireplaces, and a shoulder to lean on.
I was his home.

I was a poem once.
I was the vision of breeze bent palm trees.
I was the scent of pineapples and pure cane sugar traveling on the wind.
I was the sound of ocean waves lapping the shore on a brilliant sunny day.
I was his vacation.

I was a poem once.
I was the alpha AND I was the omega of love.
I was the yin to the yang that was he, forever.
I was “the one” without whom the continuation of breathing made no sense.
I was all that and a bag of chips; the good kind, the make you lick your fingers kind.
I was his life.

I was a poem once.
One day I’ll be a poem again.
Soon.

© Sharon J. All Rights Reserved 2008

Life As Defined By Poetry And Math

2008-02-29T07:35:00.005-05:00

The New Obama Video by Will.I.Am.

Originally this video was not a part of this post. It was added as an afterthought because upon stumbling across it out here in the world wide web I love so much, I felt it also represents another aspect of the poetry that is life for me right now so I decided to do an uprecedented thing and add it into an existing blog post. I hope you liked it.

Those who know me well know that I am a lover of all things beautiful. Not just beauty in the physical sense of the word, though I admire physical beauty as well. However, right now, I'm thinking of beauty along more poetic lines.

I love the beauty of family relationships. I love knowing that even when feeling isolated and alone, I only have to reach out to my family and some or even all of them will be at my side surrounding me with love and happiness in an instant. This kind of love and assurance makes life poetic in my opinion.

I love the beauty of my friendships. I love having been born into a wonderful family that is enhanced, extended, and diversified by the amazingly wonderful people that GOD chooses to pass through my life as friends. Some were sent to me very early on and have stayed with me from that time to this. Some have only recently shown up on the scene, but fit like a pair of jeans I've worn since high school (that is, assuming I could fit any pair of jeans I owned in high school still ;-) ....soon, baby soon!). And there are even those who show up just to fulfill a specific role and then pass on through never to be heard from or seen again; and never to be forgotten. Regardless of when they show up or how long they stay, my friends bring music, light, and poetry to my life that fills me with wonder and amazement even in my darkest hours. Once again, an example of life's majestic poetry.

I love being in love with black men. I love so many things about being in love with black men I don't even know where to begin. I love the way they have of putting their hand in the small of my back and leading me oh so gently into a room. I love the deep resonance of the black man's voice, even those who are tenors. I love the feel of their breath on my neck as they stand behind me in their attempt to support me and keep me strong. I love that when I find one that wants to be there for me, he is SO THERE that it is impossible for me to feel afraid of anything. I love the way black men call me "Baby"...HAVE MERCY! Okay, this is only one point of this post so I'll stop here, but make no mistake about it, I LOVE BLACK MEN...I DO, I DO, I DO, DO , DO! By my standards, black men are definitely living poetry.

I love so many things of beauty, but when I stop to think about it, I think I may love the beauty of words the most. I guess you could say that words to me are one of life's most precious gifts.

I love words because they have the power to do anything. Words are the true SUPER HEROES of my world as they are able not only to leap tall buildings in a single bound, but they can bring smiles, cause laughter, elicit tears, and even save lives; on the other hand, words have the power to destroy. WORDS CAN DO ANYTHING MY HEART DESIRES THEM TO DO! Words provide each and every one of us with the power to be anything and anyone we choose to be, if we follow just one simple rule. We must understand that words are powerful and once spoken, they have the power to change everything so we must be ever-vigilant that the words we speak are spoken ALWAYS in love so as not to bring about destruction and devastation; because once spoken, no matter what, words cannot be taken back no matter how much one might wish they could be.

I love words because they are able to be used by anyone...THEY are the great equalizer. Whether used to relay stories of truth or fiction, fact or fantasy, prose or poetry, words can be used in some amazing way by anyone willing to take the time to use them. That being said, I am only recently discovering that my favorite way to use and to see words be used is in the poetic sense. I've been blessed in the last month to meet through this amazing world of blogging some of the most wonderful wordsmiths I've ever come across. I'm feeling kind of lazy right now so I did not create the links, but if you love words like I love words, then you should do yourself a favor and click the following links in my blogroll to the left:

Bloggers' Delight To Write - You will find amazing poetry from various blogger/poets.
Sojourner G - You will find beautiful, lyrical poetry, most with a connection to scripture.
DUETS - You will find poetic collaborations created by various blogger/poets who have brought together their beautifully, poetic minds.
Lovebabz - You will find stories about real life told with amazing candor and honesty with the clarity of the most expensive crystal; each supported by poetry from some of the most amazing poets on the planet.
Ali's Zay - You will find not only amazing poetry here, but some of the most evocative photography I've ever seen along with an amazing story of one black man's ongoing, all-consuming passion for his beautiful, black woman.

Yes, without question, poetry is my favorite life form if indeed what I believe to be true is true: Words are life, and life is poetry. I know for many, poetry is viewed as bourgois, elitest, and just plain old boring. However, the world has changed and poetry is changing right along with it. From Edgar Allen Poe's Raven and Annabelle Lee to Maya Angelou's Phenomenal Woman to Ms. Just Write Now's The One...A History of Black Women, (I always wanted to see my name and the title of one of my own poetic creations listed next to these individuals who are both two of my all time favorite poets...see how words work ;-) there is something in the world of poetry for everyone. The only thing required to find the poetry that fits you, is to go and try some on!

So in closing, I want to leave you all with a little algebra because though not necessarily explicitly poetic in and of themselves, mathematical equations have the uncanny ability to define life in its simplest form and as many of you already know, simplicity is poetic. Y'all remember the transitive property don't y'all...IF [a] IS EQUAL TO [b], AND [b] IS EQUAL TO [c], THEN [a] IS EQUAL TO [c]...

LIFE[a] IS[=] POETRY[b].

POETRY[b] IS[=] BEAUTIFUL[c].

LIFE[a] IS[=] BEAUTIFUL[c].

Words are gifts y'all, give generously!!

(Don't thank me, the math lesson is on me ! ;-)

Living My Life Like It's GOLDEN!

2008-02-26T10:35:00.004-05:00

The Birthday was an absolute BLAST!!!! And just in case you don't believe me, here's the proof...

BTW, this video is pretty much over at the timepoint 3:40 but I couldn't make the Windows Movie Maker program stop so it just goes on and on and on and on and.... ENJOY ;-)

Also, I wanted to share my birthday present from Ladylee this year...she is the very first blogger I ever met, and she gave me my personal theme song on my birthday last year which I have used as background music for the birthday movie you are about to view! Thanks OG!

Time Is Not A Straight Line...

2008-02-21T14:23:00.002-05:00

The week that has passed since my last post here has been an amazing one in my life. It has been a week of solidifying new relationships with bloggers across the country with whom I hope my associations will be long, and which have already begun to bear fruit. It has been a week of great introspection which has led to wonderful discoveries and new insight into the blogger that is me. It has been a week of re-connections with friends and loved ones throughout the country with whom I had not been in touch for some time. Finally, it has been another one of those weeks that leaves one's mind swirling and twirling as the effects of the Earth's frantic rotation on its axis seems somehow able to be physically detectable by this mere mortal. With so many influences received in a single week, I thought I'd share some of those things that for whatever reason still remain prominent in my mind.

A few weeks ago, I posted a poem here that was inspired by another of my many "Teachers" titled "LEARNING". The poem was an ode to the exhileration I get from learning new things and the side dish of fear that comes with that same learning. Several people have asked me what is the basis of the "fear" I spoke of in the poem, to which I reply "The fear is the natural response to the necessity of changing myself, my views, and/or my actions to accommodate what I have learned." In the spirit of this particular learning, I would like to encourage black people worldwide to open their/our collective minds to this simple idea and be more willing to change ourselves, our views, our actions, as well as our minds about the expectations we set for those like us.

It is fear of change I believe that most seems to hinder the progress and advancement of the black race. In my opinion, we are one of the most passionate races to be found on the planet, and that being so, there is no stronger ally one can have in their corner than a person of African-American descent...at least initially. The problem however seems to be that there always seems to come a point, just when whatever it is we are striving for is within our reach, that "fear" is allowed to derail us from our original course. When this happens, we as a people seem to lose sight of the BIG PICTURE possibly because of a fear of the change we are required to undergo within ourselves simply to believe that what we have worked so diligently for is something we might actually obtain.

This Saturday, February 23rd is the scheduled date for the 2008 STATE OF BLACK AMERICA Forum. A critically important event in my opinion based on previous years, this event will receive even more notariety this year as it figures prominently into the race for the Democratic Presidential Nomination. In recent weeks, there have been some mild rumblings about whether or not Mr. Obama has to be (as in "He's obligated to prove his solidarity with black folks as a black candidate trying to win their votes) in attendance. I personally take issue with the concept of Mr. Obama or anyone else for that matter being boxed in such that he "has" to do anything. My opinions notwithstanding, it appears that factions of Black America (read: Tavis Smiley and I'm not hatin' here as I assure you that I love me some Tavis) are upset with the Illinois Senator's decision not to attend the event but to campaign in Texas and Ohio instead. Even offering his brilliant wife Mrs. Michelle Obama to attend in his stead (a completely acceptable alternative in my estimation) was not received as an acceptable compromise. Thus, began the criticisms again of whether or not Mr. Obama was attempting to "separate" himself from being associated with anything black in orientation. I find myself thinking, "Let it go people...just let it go! Why must black folks constantly be held to a standard by which they are required to "prove" their blackness while white folks are given the designation of "blackness" for something as stereotypical as being able to play the saxophone or loving fried chicken? Why was it acceptable for Mrs. Clinton to send the former president to South Carolina on her behalf while she campaigned elswhere with no resulting talk of her underlying reason being an attempt to 'avoid being viewed as "the black candidate" by avoiding spending significant amounts of time campaigning in largely Black South Carolina' . But to the contrary, now when Mr. Obama is faced with pretty much the same scenario due to other priorities of his own, his decision results in questions about his loyalty to black voters?". There is definitely a double standard being applied here people.

With the event taking place this weekend, and Mrs. Clinton currently scheduled to attend and Mr. Obama not, my expectation is that those mild rumblings from recent weeks will shortly turn into full-fledged volcanoes. Here you can find a blog post by Roland Martin in which he gives what I believe to be a well thought out analysis of the candidates' current needs as it relates to securing the Democratic Nomination and a subsequent rationale for what their priorities should be for this upcoming weekend based on that analysis. The bottom line is that Mr. Obama is running for president of the entire United States of America same as Mrs. Clinton, and in my opinion he should be allowed to do that based on what he needs to do to accomplish that goal, same as Mrs. Clinton. Currently, Mrs. Clinton could benefit by positively impacting the number of Black Americans willing to endorse her as a candidate the same as positively impacting the Hispanic communities can benefit Mr. Obama's campaign. Thus, it makes absolute sense for Mrs. Clinton to attend this event, but for Mr. Obama who already has significant Black support, not so much. In order for Mr. Obama to live up to his promise of trying to improve things for any Americans, black, white, male, female or otherwise, he must first become the president. I personally would love it if Mr. Smiley, the Congressional Black Caucus, the Civil Rights Old Guard and all the other so-called keeper's of Dr. King's Dream would get the hell outta the way and let him do that! So please my fellow black folks, regardless of what you hear or who you personally endorse, please, please, please look at the BIG PICTURE and decide for yourself where you believe Mr. Obama, Mrs. Clinton, and any other candidate you might support should be on Saturday.

In the last week, I have discovered yet another "Teacher" in the person of one of my new favorite bloggers, a person who already has become a lifelong friend I'm sure, Xavier of Ali's Zay blog fame. In less than a week, Zay has taught Ms. Just Write Now as much as she has learned in the last six months from her own efforts, and the greatest of these learnings is his teachings regarding the nature of TIME, thus the title of this post. My new friend has revolutionized my thinking about time and this new learning is reflected throughout my approach to my life and has been a liberating factor in my recent writing. "Thanks again Zay!"

This post itself is a perfect illustration of the fact that time is not linear as I have jumped back and forth between the past, present, and future many times already and here I go back to the future again....

Saturday is also MY BIRTHDAY....YEAAAAAAAAAA MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Always a huge appreciator of my birthday, I am sooooooooooo looking forward to this one. Those fine bloggers who were contributors to the wonderful compilation titled

"Bloggers'

Delight

Volume One" will be having their very first book release party right here in my fair city THE LOU and on my very own BEARTHDAY...once again I find myself saying "YEAAAAAAAAAAAA MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! I am gonna meet Ms. CapCity, Mizrepresent, Mega-rich, Saadia, and who knows who else alive and in person right here on my turf. Talk about looking forward to your birthday ***so damned giddy she needs drugs to come down to earth***. In addition, many of my friends and loved ones have confirmed they will be in attendance at this amazing event as well to help me and those delightful bloggers celebrate! Isn't it wonderful when your presents come early...you don't even have to wonder if you will be getting anything ;-)

Okay, time being what it is, let's take a step back into the past to tomorrow, Friday, February 22nd (see what Zay means...gotcha with that one didn't I? I betcha you had to go back and think about that one...YEAAAAAAAAA ZAAAAAAAAAAAY!). Tomorrow, my son Ryan and I will be driving over to Kansas to check out one of the colleges he is considering. Now y'all already know that I couldn't possibly love this child/man more than I do, but let me tell you all how truly amazing he is. This person that started life inside my body has truly got a life of his own! He is a senior this year and will be graduating in May. To date, he has been accepted to three colleges, and two of the three so far have offered him scholarships for both his academic and athletic prowess! So tomorrow we will be evaluating in person one of the two colleges so far to offer him significant scholarship assistance as we narrow the field of choices to the one lucky enough to ultimately claim my brilliant man-child as one of its future alums! Now you tell me, what is there not to love about this kid?!

Okay, this is getting much longer than I planned so I'm gonna end my time travels here in the present by saying to each of you reading this: "You are the very definition of love so thank you so much for stopping in ;-)" !!!

**
Black and White photography stolen shamelessly from Zay's blog; all other photos taken or stolen from the www by Ms. Just Write Now ;-)

My 100th Post & 100 Things That Make Me Me...

2008-02-15T06:12:00.000-05:00

That's right blog family -- The big ONE ZERO ZERO! From November 2005 to now, I have somehow managed to come up with one hundred topics to pontificate upon on this here blog! So in honor of this momentous occasion, I have decided to drop the shroud of secrecy I typically cower behind (lol...yeah right!) and let y'all in on who the real Ms. Just Write Now really is...so here goes...

I am the firstborn daughter of the most generous woman ever born. Thus generosity was inherited through my DNA.

I am the eighth and favorite grandchild of the best mother/grandmother ever born. Thus motherhood came as naturally as breathing to me.

I am a Pisces and as such I don't favor eating seafood....too much like cannibalism I guess.

I am 42 years old (soon to be 43 on the 23rd) and proud of it. I encourage my 18 year old 270 pound son to call me Mom in public because I enjoy hearing "You don't look old enough to have a son his age." so much.

I grew up in all black neighborhoods in the inner city of St. Louis, Missouri and therefore, never dealt with the stupidity of racism directly until after my self-image, self-worth, and self esteem had ALL been well established.

I never attended school with a white person until college; except for a white boy named Derek in high school who didn't count as far as we were concerned because adopted by a black family, he was just one of us.

I am a realist about everything but I have a very active, creative mind and fantasy world.

The first time I traveled on an airplane, I was 16 years old and going to Italy on a foreign exchange program trip for 3 months.

I have been truly in love (romantically) with three men in my 42 years.

As a young girl, I planned to get pregnant, never tell the father, and raise my child alone while never marrying.

I changed my mind about #10 by the time I reached adulthood, but still ended up getting pregnant and raising my child alone even though I DID tell the father.

I have one son.

I love my son more than anything/one PERIOD.

A year ago I thought I would LOVE to be married "until death do us part"; now, I'm not so sure.

In my heart I have been married to every man with whom I have been in love.

I have always been a one-man woman.

I have ZERO tolerance for liars.

I am fiercely protective, scratch that, OVER-protective of those I love.

I am extremely principle driven and will sacrifice everything for my principles in most situations.

I love my family beyond reason.

I historically tend to neglect myself in favor of others.

As I get older, I am becoming more selfish and self-centered. This is a good thing.

I wish I had better credit. I am aggressively working on this.

I hope that at least one of the people who love me would go to the extremes to protect and care for me that I would go to for any of the people that I love.

Though gregarious most of the time, I LOVE solitude when I want it.

I cry very easily. I always have. I cried in front of my boss a few months ago. DAMN!!

Only people I give a damn about can hurt my feelings.

I am not afraid of confrontation.

I consider myself to be one of the smartest people I know.

Contrary to what many believe, I am barely computer literate. This blog is an exercise in cutting and pasting and trial and error.

The achievement that defines me as a person is my son.

I would lie, steal, cheat, kill, and WHATEVER else that might be necessary to protect and care for my son.

I am most afraid of prison and random acts of violence.

Though extremely spiritual, organized religion barely factors into my existence.

I loved the PO for more than 20 years. Boy was that a HUGE mistake!

I was often afraid that the PO and I wouldn't always be a part of each other's lives. THAT was NOT a mistake.

Once Ryan (my son) leaves home (for college, his own place, etc.), I want to already have a life of my own underway. I am working at developing my own interests now for that reason.

I have recently learned that I have a very small number of friends. However, they are the most devoted, loyal, dependable group of people anyone could ever hope to have in their corner.

I am a major movie buff. I especially love to see movies that allow for amazing performances by black performers even if the characters they are portraying are from the seedier side of black life. It is ACTING afterall people and what is IS.

I would be very helpful at trivia night if movies or movie-making were a category.

I love music but know nothing about it. I can't tell you who sings what nor can I tell you the title of most songs. However, I love music and lyrics and though I was not blessed with the ability to carry a tune I sing at the top of my lungs both in the shower and when I am in the car alone.

The easiest decision I ever made was to give my brother a kidney.

The hardest decision I ever made was to keep working at my last relationship.

The decision I made that has had the greatest impact on my life was to have and raise my son alone when I discovered I was pregnant.

The one thing I would do differently if I could go back and change anything would be to be more protective of my credit rating.

The people who have had the greatest influence on my life are Ryan, my mother, and my grandmother.

The things I am most vain about are: my skin, formerly my nails and hair, and my writing.

The things I am most insecure about are: relationships because of the baggage of past ones.

I think I would be a different person entirely if: my father had lived until I was an adult.

My favorite color is red. It makes me feel positive and upbeat.

Sometimes I get depressed and when I do, I tend to hibernate in my cave (bedroom) until I realize to get through it I have to get up and out and focus on something outside of myself. Thankfully, my depressions pass quickly.

Most people are uncomfortable when I am anything other than optimistic, cheerful, and upbeat. So I try to avoid exposing them to my darker side.

I am a non-practicing pharmacist by training.

I plan and execute one helluva party.

I have no patience with adults who choose to focus on the negative.

I LOVE CHILDREN unconditionally unless they're bad as hell or disrespectful to adults, particularly their own parents.

I used to be in favor of capital punishment though I realize it is not always equitably applied. This changed in the last year after reading Dead Man Walking.

My free time is spent reading, writing, and traveling as much as I can.

I very rarely wear make-up.

I like to dress up in formal wear.

I think my best physical attributes are my eyes, lips, legs, and breasts.

I want to lose 40 pounds still.

I lost 35 pounds in 2006 but gained 15 of it back during the post-transplant "no-exercise" period last year.

I am starting a new fitness regimen this weekend.

I love to kiss and be kissed.

I am a huge fan of sex.

Dessert is the most important meal of the day in my opinion.

I believe that I will be financially wealthy one day though I don't feel that it will be a consequence of my job.

I wish I had had more children....at least two more, another son and a daughter.

I love surprises and was never the type of child who searched for her Christmas presents in the house or tried to guess what was in a wrapped package.

If I ever do have a wedding, it will be a simple, sentimental affair preferably on a beach or in a park with a huge reception/PARTY to follow.

I think white people enjoy life more than black people because of a freedom to try anything without the constraints black folks place on themselves and each other with the "black folks don't do ....." commentary that so often meets our decision to try a new adventure.

I think black folks should be more willing to discuss in mixed-race company many of the topics we tend only to discuss amongst ourselves. I make a point of doing this which enables me to really get a better understanding of the differences and similarities between these two not so diametrically opposed cultures.

The worst thing I ever did and got away with (that I am willing to talk about here) was when I received an "F" for a semester grade in typing for cutting class and my high school principle changed it arbitrarily to a "B" so it would not damage an otherwise stellar transcript.

I have a fetish for underwear and pajamas.

I spend too much time on my computer.

My worst fault is my tendency to procrastinate.

My earliest memory is of the day my baby sister was brought home for the first time when I was two years old.

The most amazing thing I ever saw was the births of my nephew and cousin.

My favorite holiday is Christmas.

I have NEVER dated outside my race.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Black Men!!!! YIPPPEEEEEE!

I have the best best friend of all the best friends ever created!

I have not owned a personal car since 1996. Let's hear it for company vehicles!

I often read the same book over as many a four times in the case of books like Roots and Kindred.

I have recently discovered a love of poetry.

I believe I could be a great songwriter if I put my mind to it.

I adore my birthday and celebrate it with more enthusiasm with each successive year.

I hardly ever worry about anything.

My most superficial goal is to look great in a two piece swim suit by November 2008.

My loftiest goal is to be a published author in the next calendar year.

I would NEVER end a friendship over a monetary issue.

As I have grown older, I have accepted the belief that some people are just evil.

I believe that sometimes the lesson is that we don't get to know exactly what the lesson is.

I believe that there is someone for everyone.

I work hard at being conscientious of the feelings of others.

I believe that most people actually receive the image of me that I try to project.

I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT MY PARENTS (MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER) ARE PROUD OF ME!

I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT I AM A GOOD MOTHER.

NEXT TO MY FAMILY, I FEEL MOST BLESSED BY MY ABILITY TO WRITE AND THE GIFT OF STUMBLING UPON BLOGGING AS THESE TWO THINGS HAVE ENHANCED MY LIFE IN WAYS THAT ONLY MY FAMILY DID BEFORE.

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT BLOG FAMILY

ME,

IN A HUNDRED LITTLE NUT SHELLS ;)

With Candy So Abundant, Sugar Coating Is Not Necessary!

2008-02-14T02:38:00.004-05:00

I think it has been awhile since I let go of a good ole' old fashioned rant so today's the day!

Whose dumb a$$ idea was Valentine's Day anyway?

Now before any of you go off trying to convince yourselves that I'm pissed merely because I am an embittered single woman and thus won't be getting any of the candy or other obligatory tokens of the day let me just say two things:

Though single, embittered would not be an adjective anyone would use to describe me!

If I wanted to, I could gift myself with flowers, candy, etc. with more spontaneous and truly heartfelt presentation than most of the "gift" giving that will take place today!"

I mean come on, who could have thought this whole scenario was a good idea?

Let's step back and examine the situation...

Boy meets girl.

Boy likes girl.

Boy waits 2 days minimum before calling girl.

Girls smiles and picks up the phone all the while thinking, "You'll pay for those 2 days on V-day!"

Okay, so I'm being a bit melodramatic I admit but come on people how did the "romance-mongers" a.k.a. businesses trying to make a buck off of commercializing love ever pull such a coup over on us without us ever seeming to notice? To make matters worse, it ain't even all that creative...

Fellas, I'll give you all a little credit for trying to resist this machine, but with booty on the line, y'all fall in line pretty easily it seems. My sistas, we are another story entirely. I have seen it all in reaction to what a sista did or did not receive on this most manufactured of all the commercial holidays. From being pissed that the flowers were carnations (which mean friendship) instead of roses (which mean love; but only if they're red mind you--who comes up with this ish) to going postal because yet again the box contained an appliance instead of a diamond ring, I am astonished and appalled by the atrocious behavior I've seen my sistas display on this made-up "holiday". Even more alarming is the fact that rarely does a sista-friend step forward to breath sanity into an obviously insane situation as most of us seem to behave as if our brains have been deprived of oxygen when it comes to our response to a brother not jumping through the "hoops" affiliated with this day.

Let's face it, if it was really a holiday, I wouldn't have to work. If it was really all about love, it would have been scheduled to occur on weekends when lovers would be able to lay around with each other and ummm "meditate" on their mutual adoration. If it was really about love, the most honorable emotion we are capable of, the damned day would have some semblance of authenticity, realness, some basis in reality. But noooooooooooooooooo, it's just a manufactured, fake azz, excuse for brothas to get ganked, sistas to get stressed, and purveyors of the spoils of this war (i.e. jewelers, candy makers, florists) to clean-up!

It doesn't even matter whether one is single or part of a couple, nobody wins with this one. Official couples fight over what did/didn't, should/shoudn't have been purchased. Singles are ill-at-ease as they struggle to figure out if they are "serious" enough to be expected to fall in with the requirements of the day. Brothas get more broke while sistas get more stressed and in the midst of all the "romance" permeating the world, there is an undercurrent of "LAWD puleeze just let it be ovah!"

Now if you like this kind of forced festivity, far be it from me to try to dissuade you from it. I'm just saying from my point of view, I'll pass on V-day in favor of something truly from the heart, floating on the wings of fantasy, that shows up with no preamble sometime in the future...maybe a month from Wednesday and maybe even just because its Wednesday!

HAPPY FEBRUARY 14TH Y'ALL!!!

Uncharacteristic Second Post In A 24 Hour Period...

2008-02-12T10:35:00.000-05:00

If this is a regular stop on your Blog Reading Express then you know that I don't typically post multiple times in any given 24 hour period. Today, I stumbled across the videos you will find embedded in this post on the VOX of RPM as I travelled my own Blog Reading Express. I was so moved by the intimate knowledge of pertinent issues demonstrated by the discussion in the first video and the passionately raw emotion and conviction evidenced in the second that I simply had to provide all of you the opportunity to experience what I did.

As this election year unfurls and with the advent of Black History Month I've wondered often about what the sacrifices of those who fought to gain the right to vote for all Americans means to those of my son's generation . The further we move away from that period in time, I find that I worry more and more that the significance of what has been secured for us might be lost. The videos you will find here provided some assurance that for reasons uniquely specific to the issues they face this generation like those before it will continue to fan the flame.

My previous entry, posted last night was about another experience I recently had revolving around the Democratic process. That experience meant a lot to me as well, so much so that I wanted to share it with you all so I hope you will take the time to check it out too. However, of the two, this one or that one, I feel compelled to give my endorsement to THIS ONE!

With so very much at stake, please I beg of you

DON'T SLEEP.

What the hell is a caucus anyway??

2008-02-11T20:32:00.000-05:00

Living as I do in the "Show Me State" (that would be Missouri for those of you who flunked your gubment classes), I had the privilege of casting my vote in the Democratic Primary held in my fine state on what has come to be known as Super Tuesday. I am not ashamed to let it be known that my choice for president of these United States over the next EIGHT years (that's right I said eight!) is Mr. Barack Obama. I won't get into all of the nuances of why he is in my opinion the best person for the job except to say that when the platforms of the various candidates basically mirror each other, that only leaves the intangibles that each possess that connect with those feelings that come from your gut or instinct; and in my case, Mr. Obama's intangibles (i.e. VISION, LEADERSHIP, HEART, etc.) in combination with his tangibles (i.e. platform, integrity, HEART, etc.) have a stronger connection with my instincts and gut than do Mrs. Clinton's.

However, none of that is the point of this post. As a consequence of having to go to picturesque Omaha, Nebraska on bizness this week, I had the added pleasure of spending the weekend in the midwest resort Mecca known as Kearney, Nebraska. Okay, okay, so it is NOT a resort Mecca, but my best friend and her family live there so it is almost like a vacation escape for me so there! Anyway, because I spent the weekend in Kearney and my friend and her husband are Democrats as well, I got to witness Nebraska's first Democratic Caucus first hand.

Now most of you who read this blog are in my opinion pretty damned smart and thereby, you all probably already know what a caucus is exactly. Me, on the other hand, I'm just gettin' by with a little help from my friends which means that I had not a clue of how exactly a caucus differs from a regular old primary such as the one in which I participated on Super Tuesday. Well, now I know and based on what I know now, I'd say that those who support candidates through the caucus system (particularly those who caucused in Kearney, Nebraska last Saturday), are a much hardier and loyal bunch than those like me who simply cast a vote in a primary. From the conditions under which they might have to caucus to the amount of time investment required, all I have to say is that I applaud those who caucus!!! Read on to learn what I witnessed.

Let me set the stage for the Kearney, Nebraska caucus.

Held on a blustery Saturday morning (February 9th, 2008), at the Alumni House on the campus of the University of Nebraska at Kearney, the caucus began by having those who are registered Democrats in the state of Nebraska and who support Obama sign in on the front porch while those who had decided to support Clinton signed in at the back door. Once signed in, each voter was given a sticker with the name of the candidate they supported to wear on their chest. Then Obama supporters were allowed to enter the front rooms of the Alumni House while Clinton supporters occupied a large multi-purpose room at the rear. Those who either had not decided or like me were simply there to observe, were given red stickers marked "O" for observer and sent to the back wall of the "Hillary" room to watch the proceedings.

Separated from my friends who were in the "Obama" section of the house I leaned up against the back wall of the "Hillary" room where I subsequently had several interesting interactions. Of note, is the fact that Kearney, Nebraska is an overwhelmingly caucasian town with a black population I imagine of less than 1%. Thus regardless of which candidate you supported, if like me you are a black American attending this particular caucus, you found yourself one of less than ten black folk dispersed throughout the entire house. So don't be fooled for a minute by those who wish to put forth the notion that this Democratic nomination process is simply about races aligning with their own.

The first person I met was a white woman who was in her fifties who explained to me that she was a disgruntled Republican who felt that "anything was better than what we have now" and that was why she was there. The next was an 88 year old white man who was a Republican who had already officially switched parties a few weeks ago and had come to the Democratic Caucus to vote for Hillary. The third was a white female college student whose family had been Republican from "the beginning of time" (as described by her); she didn't know what she was doing but felt that if she didn't vote for someone she would be ashamed of herself.

At this point, the workings of this first Nebraska caucus were explained to the group as follows:

All of those who were registered Democrats would be asked to line up and be counted based on which of the two Democratic candidates they were supporting. At this point, the request was made that anyone in the room who was NOT supporting Hillary go to the front "Obama" section of the house and vice versa. Undecideds were asked to remain against the back wall with observers unless they had come to a decision and then if they had, to go to the appropriate section of the Alumni House to be counted for their chosen candidate.

At this point, it is important to note that the number of Obama supporters had surged such that they all could not fit in the front section of the Alumni House. Thus, the overflow crowd spilled out onto the front lawn where they had to remain for about one and a half hours of the approximately two and a half hour process. The explanation of events continued as follows:

Following the first count, representatives from each candidates's "camp" would be allowed to go and speak to the other camp for five minutes in an attempt to change minds, sway undecideds in their chosen candidate's favor, and convince stalwarts that they were backing the wrong horse so to speak. Once these representatives were done speaking, a half hour for contemplation and discussion was allowed after which a second and final count was taken which would determine which candidate won the caucus.

After the first count was taken, Obama had a commanding lead over Clinton. At this point, the representatives crossed over to the competitor's camps to try to change minds and sway attitudes. Now began the thirty minute contemplation period and yours truly, Ms. Just Write Now swung into action.

Being sent to hold up the wall in the "Hillary" room was a matter of available space. However, it wasn't fair to Hillary as Ms. Just Write Now had the opportunity to put a lil' somethin somethin on the minds of those disgruntled former Republicans and undecided voters who surrounded her. The woman who was changing parties shared that she was thinking of supporting Hillary because she has more "experience" than Obama. So the following conversation ensued:

Me: So you feel that seven years in the Senate plus her experience as First Lady can be counted as experienced to become President of the United States?

Her: Yes.

Me: I know a lot of people feel the same as you, but I don't b/c I believe that there is no other job in the world like being President of the United States except maybe being the head of state of another country.

Her: I never thought about it that way before.

Me: Are you happy with the way that things are currently done in Washington D.C.? Do you think the system works well?

Her: No, I think it sucks! That's why I switched parties!

Me: Would you agree that with 7 years of experience working in the existing system, Hillary probably knows her way around in it and works well within it?

Her: Yup! That's exactly why she gets my vote.

Me: Let me ask you one more thing....if you think the current system of government in D.C. sucks then why would you want to vote for someone who is apparently content to work in the system as it is? Of the two candidates, which would you think would work harder to change the current system; the one with so much experience they are used to it and have figured out how to work in it or the candidate with less experience and time to get used to it who is all fired up to change the system? My answer to these questions is that Obama is the one who would actively try to change what in my opinion and yours from what you said before, is a bad system and that is just one more reason he gets my vote.

Her: I'll talk to you later, I'm going to the front to vote for Obama in the second count.

After similar conversations with the 88 year old Republican and the female college student, Ms. Just Write Now ended up moving 2 for 3 into the Barack column. The 88 year old Republican actually had some food for thought for Ms. Just Write Now which once she has had the time to research it might get blogged about here in one of what I promise you will be a limited number of posts about politics.

Now I know some of you Hillary supporters are probably thinking that was not fair. Maybe it wasn't fair that I was in a room full of her supporters, but that is what caucuses are supposed to be about as it was explained to me on Saturday; trying to change minds and find a consensus. It is also important to note that the minds I "changed" were undecided to begin with; so actually, I truly did Hillary no harm (lol). Additionally, keep in mind that almost 100 of Obama's supporters were forced to stand outside in 32 degree weather due to lack of space inside in the Obama section while the Hillary section had plenty of room to house her supporters, the undecideds, observers, and if they had been of a mind to, the Obama supporter overflow as well. However, no move was made to move those hardy individuals inside.

For that reason alone I say, those of you who caucus are a stronger, more loyal lot than those of us who primary. On Super Tuesday, it rained cats and dogs in the Show Me State and I procrastinated and vacillated the entire day about whether or not I would brave the elements to cast my primary vote. Ultimately, the only thing that got me out the door to vote was the potential nightmare of waking up Wednesday morning to find that Hillary had won by one vote. I suspect the same was true for many of my fellow Democrats here in Missouri. Were I in the situation many of Obama's supporters in Kearney, Nebraska's Caucus found themselves -- standing in the cold waiting for more than an hour to be twice counted -- I can't be absolutely sure I would have been counted at all.

So at the end of the event, the final talley ended up:

BARACK OBAMA: 301

HILLARY CLINTON: 173

These same results were mirrored in caucuses all across the state leading to Mr. Obama winning the poplar vote as well as the delegate appropriation for the great state of Nebraska as he has in so many other states that have held caucuses and primaries to date. Like so many others before them, on Saturday last, members of Kearney, Nebraska's Democratic Party embraced the vision of the man I hope will be this country's next president proving it once again to be true,

YES WE CAN!!!

(and now as an added bonus, I know first hand what exactly a caucus is to boot!)

Brilliant Blogger Birthday on BLAST!!!

2008-02-08T07:58:00.000-05:00

See, it wasn't sposed to be like this.

This is the reward I get for working for THE MAN. He's got this sista jet-setting across the square states of the continental U.S. to the extent that I don't know which way is up or what day or time it is. "DOWN WITH THE MAN!", I say; down with his azz!

ANTYWAY....what was sposed to happen was this....

Thursday, my favorite blogger Ladylee that prolific Old Girl was supposed to wake up early like I imagine an overachiever such as she always does, thumb her nose at her gubment job and THE MAN who typically believes he has rights to her time on weekdays between the hours of o-dark-thirty and 0-dark-thirty, make herself something absolutely scrumptious for breakfast, then at her leisure, sit herself down in front of her beloved computer and check out her regular blog reads like she does every morning. Upon stumbling across this particular blog (one my sitemeter indicates she stumbles upon every morning so "No, I am not being conceited!"), she was to be pleasantly surprised and quite amused to find she was the featured topic of discussion!

"But Noooooooooooooooooooo!", THE MAN wasn't having that ish and kept me away from my computer until today!

Antyway....this is what that infamous OG was sposed to find here on Thursday if things had happened like they were sposed to happen --

Sometimes in life you meet people so casually and nonchalantly that at the time you don't pay too much attention because at the time, you don't realize how important a part of your life that particular person is going to become. Because of the fact that whoever that person is entered into your reality without ceremony, so quietly in fact that maybe you didn't even notice at the time, you don't mark the moment and years later, you are lucky if you can even remember when it was that that particular person first entered your life. To a large extent, this is the situation I find to be true of how I met my Best Blogger Friend Forever (BBFF) that infamous Old Girl, Ladylee!

Fortunately, I am able to pinpoint the moment we actually met not because it was marked by a lot of noise or pomp and circumstance, but quite the contrary, because it was not. We met while taking a writing/getting published seminar during the annual Black Book Club Conference convention held in Atlanta in August 2005. Most of you have heard the story of how I showed up late, confused, and flustered and after receiving the Forest Gump "seats taken" treatment from four or five folk in the room, I heard the sweetest most gentlest voice ever say "you can sit here" and thereby, I found my own Jenny (in a manner of speaking ;). In the span of an hour's time, Ladylee rescued this sista three different times first offering the seat, then a pen, and finally offering to send me a book on writing more descriptively which showed up at my house within a few weeks of that initial meeting as promised.

Even still, I did not at the time realize what a pivotal meeting this was for my life.

Shortly thereafter, I decided to start this blog. I chose a layout, a title, and sat down to write my very first post after which I decided to bump around the net checking out what other folk were doing on their blogs. It was around this time that the book arrived and in an email I sent to my girl to say thank you, I included the URL for this blog. She answered that email with one that included the URL to her blog which you can find here. Prior to that moment, I had no idea that she even had a blog so immediately, I went there to find out what was going on. Her blog set the standard for what I wanted this one to be. It was amusing, funny, vibrant, and innovative in that it was never predictable and was always filled with pictures. It also was representative of a person who was wise and had a deep understanding of people and the things that motivate them. Using multiple forms of media from music and videos to cartoon graphics from the old Schoolhouse Rock series on TV, Ladylee's blog created some of the best stories I've ever been told. From her description of characters like Mayor Snake to her Birthday blasts like the one she did on me here, visiting her blog is like a "box of chocolates" in that you never know what you're gonna get (okay, okay, that is the last Forest analogy!).

Visiting her blog had huge benefits for me in another important way as once again my favorite OG rescued me by helping me to develop my very first regular readers. I found that everytime I left a comment at her spot, someone would end up following the links to my profile and end up here. See how this little insignificant relationship is getting tangled all up in my life!

Well it didn't stop there. Over the years since we've met, we have sent our attempts at writing back and forth for the other to critique, become friends in the "real world" via email and telephone, and ranted to each other over ish that trips us both out. Back in June 2006, I was all 'cited, cause as a consequence of THE MAN sending me to Atlanta on bizness, it appeared that I was finally going to get to hang out with, and might possibly even get to visit the inner-sanctum of my hero the infamous OG Ladylee, but alas, it was not to be. Ms. Just Write Now got down to the ATL and was anything but alright. I developed the sinus infection/summer cold from hell, and what do you think ended up happening? Da-da-da-DUUUUUUUUM!

That superhero Ladylee strapped on her cape, flew over to the Whole Foods Market and brought this sista chicken noodle soup, fruit, juices, and everything else necessary to scare away pesky lil' infectious organisms. This for me is the very definition of love, and I wrote as much in this post I wrote at that time.

In the last year, this friendship that when it began I barely even noticed has rescued me time and time again so much so that I've written posts about how I relied on my BBFF and her blog to remind me over the last year who I am and of what I am made. Once again, I am so grateful that someone or something (i.e. GOD or whatever spiritual being it is that you believe manages the universe) other than me is in charge because I might not have noticed one of the best gifts I've ever received. A review of the 3 or 4 Birthday Blasts I've written over the years on this blog will demonstrate a common theme, I am always discovering that on the birthdays of those I love most, I seem to get the best gifts and it has happened yet again.

So if you haven't gifted yourself by checking out my BBFF's blog, you should do so immediately and regularly thereafter because you don't know what you are missing. I have been blessed yet again in ways I am sure I don't deserve to be, and as unnoticed or insignificant as that initial meeting might have seemed, I want it to be known that I am aware of the blessing now and it will never be unnoticed again!

HAPPY (belated ;) BIRTHDAY LADYLEE

AND THANK YOU FOR BEING SUCH A GREAT GIFT TO ME!

LIFE'S A TRIP...If You're Lucky!

2008-02-05T06:38:00.000-05:00

The lady in the picture with surprise written all over her face is my grandmother as she entered her Surprise 83rd Birthday Party/Talent Show thrown by my family. She is surrounded by me, the eighth of her sixty-nine grandchildren, my first cousin Mikey (lower left corner) who is the last of her 69 grandchildren, and my second cousin Tracy, one of her 30 or so (at last count) great-grandchildren. I have the extreme privilege of being a member of a five-generation family full of people who enjoy each other just about more than they enjoy anything else! With the exception of two of the smaller branches of my Grandmother's family tree, we all live here in St. Louis and thus every Saturday as I was growing up ended up being a virtual family reunion as we all gathered at my Grandmother's house.

For as far back as I can remember, my Grandmother's house has been my family's gathering place and every major "soul food holiday" celebrated by black American families like mine meant that my Grandma was in the kitchen hooking it up for ALL OF US! I am 42 years old people and my mother, my Grandmother's oldest child is 65. Y'all do the math, that's a HELLA lot of cooking! I try to help her out by taking the load off of her when I can like in this picture which is my basement set for Christmas dinner with 60 of my closest relatives ;)

or this picture which shows said relatives in the self-service line getting their eat on!.

This year, as my Grandmother's protector and favorite grandchild (get over it and just accept the facts", said Ms. Just Write Now to her siblings and cousins who have always hated on her for this designation...LOL!), I decided to put an end to her having to work so hard to have us all together on a holiday; so I organized a "vacation on the lay-away plan" for all of my relatives who wanted to come.

So from Friday, November 21, 2008 thru Saturday, November 29th our current address will be here:

We will spend that time cruising and partying from Fort Lauderdale to San Juan to St. Thomas to La Romana to Grand Turk to Nassau and back to Fort Lauderdale on the newest addition to Carnival's fleet The Splendor. In the course of all of this cruising, the first of the major winter "soul food holidays" Thanksgiving, will occur. For the first time in 65 years, my Grandma isn't worried about who's doing the cooking but will still be able to have Thanksgiving dinner surrounded by her family which is and has been the thing that drives everything she does for more than half a century now. Even going on this cruise is in part driven by her love for her family. You need me to prove it? Well, she (like my mother) is pretty much terrified of water. Having convinced my own mother to just try cruising back in 2003 when our branch of the family tree went on a 7 day cruise, I assigned my mother to convince her mother. My mother assured my Grandmother that indeed what I say is true and she never even has to see the water if she does not want to. To add to that endorsement and ensure that my Grandma's fear of water won't lead to a last minute decision to renege, I am paying for her cruise as a gift and I know she would never allow my money to go to waste ;) This is our itinerary,

and to date 38 of my family along with a few close friends of the family have signed up and begun their "lay-away" payments to go. I anticipate a mad rush of relatives trying to sign up in the next few weeks now that tax refund season is here. They too will be able to attend; however, because the rest of us made our initial deposits last August prior to Carnival adding an extra day for which we were not charged, they will not get as great a price as we did (i.e. interior cabins $645 per person).

One of the things I am passionate about is opening up the doors of the world to my family. I come from a family that for the most part dwells in the lowest economic brackets. As a child everyone I was related to lived in "the hood". Born in the projects and having spent my entire childhood in all black, inner-city neighborhoods and schools (and loved it I might add!), it could have been very easy to miss out on all the opportunities available in the wide world. When I was 16 years old, I was blessed to be encouraged by my mother to try for a selection to be a foreign exchange student to another country. I was selected and subsequently spent four months living in Italy. From that point on, the world became a playground for me and I refuse to let myself or those in my family with the desire to play on this playground allow lack of funds to quell what is attainable with just a little advance planning and discipline.

So let the count down begin because in less than ten months my 86 year old Grandma will be leaving this country for the very first time in her life along with the grandchildren and great-grandchild pictured with her above and many of her other descendents not pictured here. The age range of those in attendance based on current reservations will go from 86 all the way down to 3 years old! My Grandma will see, feel, smell, taste, and touch things she never before imagined, and she will have the intensely special sensation of sharing those experiences with four generations of her descendents. Imagine that! One thing's for sure, I know we are ready to go; what I don't know is whether or not the Eastern Caribbean is ready for us!!

Picture taken at my Grandma's house when I was about seven.

(Okay, okay, I'm third from left standing in grey dress with lollipop stick hanging out my mouth and that's Grandma in the middle of the picture in the orange dress and Afro wig ;0)

HER/HAIR PEACE

2008-02-02T21:55:00.000-05:00

(Photo taken New Years Day 2008)

I am a woman who notices parallels.

I notice them whenever they occur and in the last year or so I have stumbled quite by accident on an amazing parallel in my life. It is the parallel between coming to terms with my hair and coming to terms with myself.

Coming of age as a black woman is much like coming of age for anyone -- wrought with twists and turns that with hindsight seem inconcievably trite but while traveling through appeared to be if not insurmountable, an awfully long row to hoe. Self-esteem, so essential to this coming of age proces is a tricky thing. Ultimately, it is controlled by self but until one realizes this fact, most allow others to control self resulting in self-esteem being anything but controlled by self. The end result is sadly obvious.

In the case of many black girls, much of their self-image is wrapped up in their hair. Whoopie Goldberg alluded to this fact in her amazing stand-up show many years ago when she created the character of the little black girl who desired "long, beautiful, golden, blonde hair". The hallmark of classic comedy is that it provides a mirror of the souls of us. Unfortunately there are no photos available to prove this, but I was born essentially bald headed and with a strand of grey hair. Two years later, I was joined by a sister who in contrast was born with "Shirley Temple" ringlets. As we grew up, my fine strands of hair never grew long or luxurious while hers on the other hand rivaled the length and thickness of Oprah's oft questioned locks. Looking back on pictures from my childhood, I often tease my mother that because I did not have long, luxurious hair like my sister's she didn't exert much energy keeping it neat and that when she did comb it, she put these giant, heavy barrettes on the stubby little ponytails to make them move when I moved. Yes, you guessed it, I was Whoopie's character who dreamed she would one day have long, beautiful, golden, blonde hair.

As the ritual goes, I went through the hair rites of passage of most black girls. Press and curls from about five years of age onward, thinned already fine hair. I loved these press and curls, because they made my hair smooth and now I could have curls and bangs. I was getting closer to realizing my dream. Thirteen brought my mother's approval for a perm which moved my cause even further along as I continued my quest for long, beautiful, golden, blonde hair. Somewhere in the middle of all this, things started to really get warped.

All of the hoops I was jumping through to realize my quest came with added responsibility. Press and curls dictated a maniacal avoidance of the summer sun and water that I loved dearly being a water-baby born under the sign of the fish. Perms required a major investment of time and money and a life spent at the mercy of beauticians who had little if any respect for my time or money. In my quest for long, beautiful, golden, blonde hair I had found that I was becoming someone other than who I wanted to be.

Going from bad to worse, enter BOYS! A girl and now a woman who has a craving for the brothas exclusively, I was willing to have my physical appearance somewhat dictated by what those beautiful black boys and later men, found attractive. Now this was not apparent on the surface as I was a dedicated tomboy and swimmer who projected the image of not giving a damn what anyone thought about her appearance. However, whenever I did change my hair it was never without the thought "What will the boys think? Will they think this is attractive?". There was never a time when I failed to "get the guy" that the thought that "If I had longer hair he would have found me attractive", didn't find its way through my skull in some format.

Next, enter corporate America. Trying to get in where I fit in came with problems of its own. Having gotten closer to fulfilling my quest of obtaining long, beautiful, golden, blonde hair by graduating from the perm to braided extentions left unraveled at the ends and subsequently able to be curled, I now wondered as I prepared to interview whether or not they would be considered acceptable in the lily-white corridors of corporate America. Adopting a better-safe-than-sorry attitude as I tried to secure a baller job that would ultimately deliver a key to the Vice President's bathroom, I removed my extensions and opted for a more commonplace and conservative version of my previous perms.

Worse however was not as bad as it could get as weaves exploded on the scene. "Wait a minute", I thought. "Here is the answer to all of my prayers. I can have long, beautiful, golden, blonde hair if I want. I can. I really, truly can." So I did just that; minus the blonde that is.

It was shortly after this phase began that something happened that changed me. I ended a relationship that had been on-again, off-again for the better part of fifteen years. I was just a few months shy of my 39th birthday. I finally began to see myself for myself for real, perhaps for what was the very first time ever; and I did not see the person I would have expected to see based on what I wanted for me.

I am a woman who is a lover of all things natural. I am at my best when gorging myself on all the texture life holds. (Bandana photos taken today, February 2, 2008)

I am casual, and in my natural state, quite low-maintenance to boot and above all else, I understand that life is short and therefore should be savored. I get that we are each given our own individual blessings and if we take the time to notice, understand, and appreciate them, they will give to us everything they were sent to bring.

Why then, I found myself asking was I going through all of these kniptions with my hair considering that in all the time I had been caring for and making decisions regarding my hair I had never once been satisfied with the result; nor did I ever feel it was representative of me or the image I choose to project. This was when I first saw the parallel between learning to be at peace with me and learning to be at peace with my hair. It was the same journey. A journey that required enough life experience to get to know who I am, what I am, who and what I want to be, and what it takes to realize all of those things.

My mother turned my hair over to heat and chemicals before I ever had the chance to become acquainted with it. I pretty much did the same with myself I realized now as I look back and recognize all of the times I tried to be what I thought others wanted me to be instead of choosing for myself who and what I was. I chose to continue that pattern until those processes controlled my locks and my life for the better of thirty-five years. Now, I have chosen to eliminate these elements from my haircare regimen and also from my life. It is ironic to see the amazing growth spurt my hair is undergoing now after all the years of hearing how my hair was too fine, thin, and fragile to grow long and strong like I desired. It is just as amazing to see the change in myself as I become more and more comfortable with and enamored of the woman I am becoming. Since allowing and encouraging my hair and myself to return to our natural states I have been introduced to textures I didn't know it had and freedoms I didn't know existed. At the same time, I have discovered truths and falsehoods about myself that I would have sworn before could not exist inside of me.

So at 42, soon to be 43 I am finally and at long last doing what I do for me. I sometimes hear sistas I respect make comments about the nappiness of my hair; their comments bead up and roll off me like rain off a freshly waxed car. My boss and corporate America are falling in line as I have left them no other choice; the decisions here are mine to make. As for those beautiful brothas I spoke of, many will and have decided to pass on me and the napps and you know what, that's alright with me as I'm quite sure in my own hard-won self-esteem that those particular brothas don't have the strength of character necessary to hang anyway. As India Arie sings so eloquently,

"I AM NOT MY HAIR".

However, now that I have attained HAIR PEACE, I am more me than I ever was before which means now I can allow my self to have HER PEACE.

INDIA ARIE AND I WISH YOU

HAIR PEACE TOO!

(So do you, whatever that may mean ;)

Click HERE for the poetic version of this journey which I have entered into a poetry contest on the amazing blog

"Bloggers' Delight...To Write"!!!

Overwhelming Response to Use Me Up Post...

2008-01-31T04:35:00.000-05:00

A quick visit to the comments section of the previous post "Ever Wish You Could Just Get USED UP?" illustrates the fact that this post sparked a very active conversation. A myriad of explanations could be given for what it was that drove so much interest, such as:

My fellow bloggers' concerns that I might do something crazy to secure sexual satisfaction

The fact that the post contained the words [I MISS SEX] in bright red letters

The words sex and fantasy jumped from the page causing some confusion as to exactly what kind of blog this actually is

Any number of plausible explanations exist.

However, having gleefully read all of the comments posted and even responded to some, I think the reason that this post generated so much interest is very simple -- on some level it struck a chord in every one of those who read it. Whether or not a particular individual agreed or disagreed with what Ms. Just Write Now was trying to communicate, each and every one felt compelled for the same reason to respond...on some level, we all relate, acknowledge, identify with, or comprehend that there are some definite concerns revolving around sex, intimacy, and relationships for folks like us.

So much of what was shared in the comments hit paydirt with me, but two commenters in particular managed to provide greater clarity and personal edification on the subject for me: Ali's Zay and CapCity. For those who remain intrigued by this conversation, I am humbly requesting that the articulate blogger Ali's Zay please pick up the thread of this tattered fabric and continue to weave a beautiful cloth of deeper understanding. After reading his eloquent comments, I for one am truly interested to read more. Secondly, I am embedding a trailer of a very interesting documentary that was provided by CapCity, one of the captivating bloggers whose acquaintance I have just recently made and on whose new blog CAPCHA U...In Luv With Life, yours truly was welcomed as a contributor. Not only does this documentary address some of the issues discussed in the "...Get USED UP" post, but it appears from the trailer to delve into many other issues that I believe many of us might be concerned about.

Both of these phenomenal bloggers have also recently published new literary works and though neither of them knows I'm even writing about them or their works in this post, I encourage anyone reading this post to check them out! You can click here to read more about the project that Ali's Zay has produced and here to find information on CapCity's endeavor. I have read excerpts from both works and immediately moved to order each book as the excerpts were exceptionally well written in my opinion, leaving me anxious to read the finished products. Do yourself a favor and check these projects out....I promise you won't regret that you did!

Now, click play to view the trailer and hopefully we can continue this at Ali's Zay's spot soon!

Ever Wish You Could Just Get USED UP?

2008-01-26T20:08:00.000-05:00

The other day while driving to work I heard this song on the radio...

Since I was a little girl, I have had an affinity for this song. I can remember riding to school with my mother, brother, and sister and Bill Withers would come on the radio singing this song and I would sing along at the top of my lungs inside my head (as I have never been blessed with singing ablility my family members were not having me singing out loud outside my head in the car). Thinking back to those days, I don't believe I even knew what he was singing about, but I loved this song.

Well, as I drove myself to work the other day listening to this same song on the radio (and singing out loud outside my head ;) I can assure you that I knew EXACTLY what Mr. Withers was singing about and it was then that I knew that once again I had a problem...

My problem is that I miss sex...A lot!

Finding myself quite unexpectedly single yet again, I am living without sex, yet again. Not being a woman who sees casual sex as a viable option for herself for more reasons than I want to expound upon here in this post, this is simply the way things are. It is what it is. I accept that.

However...

Upon hearing Mr. Withers' soulful rendition of Use Me, I found myself fantasizing. Now don't get too excited because there will be no sharing of any good fantasies in this space..."get real people", my Mother reads this blog! What I was going to say was that I found myself wondering "What if I were a different kind of woman? What if I could get past my necessity to feel an emotional connection with a guy before feeling comfortable about sexual connections? What would it be like to be that woman?"

Right about now, the idea of "getting used up" is not such a bad thing; at least not on the surface! The idea of being more cavalier in my sexual attitudes on the other hand is driven by a deeper, underlying fear that I have felt more often than I care to acknowledge. I find myself wondering sometimes if this is an irrational fear or if it is one that other women share with me. When I consider the number of times since I first became sexually active that I have found myself for extended periods of time experiencing what I call "self-imposed celibacy" I sometimes become anxious. My anxiety revolves around the fear of one day finding that while living in one of these periods of self-imposed celibacy, my desire to have sex at all will have vanished or that I might one day find that what was optimistically expected to be just a little while has turned into the rest of my sexual lifetime. Maybe other women don't worry about this at all, but I am primarily a long-range planner and as such find it virtually impossible not to consider the long-term ramifications of most any action I take.

I know women to whom these very things have happened. I know women who are still what I consider to be young sexually speaking, who have lived without sex for decades, even scores of years during which they should have been at their sexual peak and enjoying great quantities (and if truly blessed) great quality of sex. During a time when they should be blissfully enjoying the joys of sex that come with the maturity and self-assurance that increasing age brings, these still sexually young, attractive women are seemingly standing on the sidelines and allowing their sexual primes to pass them by simply because they are not half of a committed coupledom. This seems to be especially true of many single, black women between the ages of 35 and 65. Take a moment and think about it...think of the girlfriends, co-workers, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and great-aunts in your life...I bet you too know at least one and probably more than one black woman who somehow found herself single between the ages of 35 to 45 years of age and never again having seriously connected romantically with a man remained single and without sex for the remainder of her life.

How the hell does that happen?! I don't know about you, but I don't hear of many men in this age group going for decades without sex and if on occasion I do hear of accounts where this has happened to a man, believe me you, it is an isolated occurrence. So I ask you, "Why is this such a common fact of life for so many black women?"

We all know there are many answers to this question, from the way most of us were raised, to our attempts to protect our reputations, to a fear of HIV/AIDS and other achronyms, no one has to outline for us the underlying causes of so many wasted sexual lifetimes; however, does anyone besides me wonder why this is allowed to be, and what we as black women can do differently to avoid the same fate as so many of our predecessors? Why don't our male contemporaries seem to be faced with this eventuality and how is it that they seem to be getting plenty...are they for some reason unbeknownst to me, not susceptible to the same sexual tragedies that we are? Can someone tell me how can I be down if this is the case? Or, are we black women drinking the proverbial kool-aid and in actuality brothers aren't getting any more sex than we are? Wouldn't that be terrible...finding out that NONE of us are getting any?

I don't know the answers, and most of these questions are rhetorical at best. There are no easy answers, but from where I stand as a soon to be 43 year old, single, black woman who is not getting any I will say this much...

"I will not go softly into that good night!"

I will rage against the dying of the light! I intend to do whatever is in my powers to find that special guy with whom I can establish the kind of connection I require to comfortably, willingly, and enthusiastically enter once again into a sexual relationship with total abandonment. I will find him by using

ANY MEANS NECESSARY

from having my Grandma do the quintessential "fix-up" to trying my luck on the internet. Whatever I have to do, I do not intend to "wake up" one day 10, 20, or 30 years from now on the brink of my 53rd, 63rd, or 73rd birthday and realize that since my "self-imposed celibacy" began I have not had sex for more years than the number of years I was having it before said self-imposed celibacy began. I am an attractive, desirable, intelligent, liberated, black woman who happily admits that she loves, LOVES, LOVES sex; and as such, I say to the world right here, right now

I will not quit until I find my someone special and the two of us can keep on using each other until ...

somebody gets used up!

Of course I mean that in the best possible way ;-)

Tell 'em what I'm talkin' bout D'angelo!

Something New Around Every New Year...

2008-01-23T22:07:00.000-05:00

On New Year's Eve 2007, I was invited to help a very good friend with the logistics of the party he threw to ring in the new year. I created a VIP space using equipment my friend had provided and it turned out very nicely if I do say so myself...

After going home to change my clothes, I returned to the party where I was introduced to one of my friend's close friends, a guy I will call Teacher. The Teacher and I spent some time talking about all manner of things before going our separate ways to enjoy the party with those with whom we had come. At the end of the night, the Teacher and I exchanged contact information though I did not really expect that we would be in touch.

A few days later, the Teacher called me up and we had one of the most enjoyable conversations I have had in a very long time. The Teacher and I have continued to have great conversations during which I always seem to come away knowing something I didn't know before or minimally curious to learn about something I had not previously wondered about. For me, this is the very best part of meeting someone new...being exposed to new thoughts and ideas. I am always happy to make the acquaintaince of someone new and interesting, but in this particular case, I feel that meeting this particular person is contributing in the most amazing way to increasing my personal awareness regarding some very important subjects and potentially will make me a more interesting person! Now I don't know about you, but I've gotta love that!

This experience has been so visceral for me, that the following seemed to just spill from my fingertips as I recalled one of the conversations the Teacher and I had shared a few days earlier. Never had that happen before...

LEARNING by Sharon J.

Illumination arrived.
Unexpectedly and quite by surprise,
With no more intention than the sun has
Each day as it brings light to the dark places of the earth.

The light came.
Without the trouble of formal introductions,
Without fanfare or trumpets to herald its arrival
Nor the pulling back of curtains to announce its presence on stage.

The darkness departed.
And with it, the willingness to know less.
In its place, two things…knowledge and fear;
The fear a manifestation of all the new knowledge required.

The night evaporated.
Allowing the dawning sun to vanquish the fear
Creating space for the new knowledge to take root
Encouraging exploration and internalization of the new knowledge.

The spirit bloomed.

Overcoming The Obama Dilemma

2008-01-21T10:38:00.000-05:00

Once, a couple years ago or so I wrote a post about the Academy Awards show. The points I made in that particular post coincided with the opinions of one of the bloggers whose writing I respect the most and when he read what I had written, he stated as much in my comments. On Friday last, I went to That Johnson Boy's blog and found there the post you are about to read here. With That Johnson Boy's express written permission I have shamelessly stolen the post in it's entirety including pictures right off his blog and posted it here! The points That Johnson Boy made in this post coincided with the feelings and opinions of this blogger so much so that as the infamous "they" always say,

If it ain't broke, why fix it...or write it for that matter :)

So for all of you "closet Obama supporters" who are scraping the bottoms of barrels trying to convince yourselves that in not voting for Mr. Obama as the next president of these United States of America you are doing him a favor because:

it is not his time

he doesn't have enough experience, or

you believe you are helping to keep him out of harm's way,

keep reading...the answer to your dilemma lies herein.

"I'm Asking You To Believe."
Not just in my ability to bring about change in Washington...
I'm asking you to believe in yours."

-Presidential Candidate Barack Obama

"Not yet, Mr. Obama... not yet."
Those were my thoughts about Mr. Obama's Presidential aspirations. I met Mr. Obama a few years earlier at a Chicago fundraiser for his first Senate bid. I found him and his wife refreshing and most of all, the real thing. I've worked in the political arena on both the national and local level. Refreshing is a rare commodity. When Mr. Obama announced his Presidential bid, I didn't hesitate to point my mouse to http://www.barackobama.com/ to make my campaign contribution. In the recesses of my mind, those words continued to resonate... "not yet, Mr. Obama... not yet."

And then came Iowa. I vacationed in Iowa immediately after first meeting Mr. Obama. There were cornfields aplenty and several really nice art galleries. But the talk of the town was all about Obama. Senate candidate Obama had blazed a trailed thru Golena, Iowa a week earlier and folks were still on fire! They were actually giddy over Mr. Obama (as in Ala-BAMA). So, I wasn't shocked when he won the Iowa Presidential caucus. However, I was shocked that my silent mantra was still playing out in my head... "Not yet, Mr. Obama... not yet." My apprehension was logical to me, even if steeped in a kind of ethnic protectionism. Why would anyone want to face these facts:

Fact: The next President of the United States of America will inherit a mess of historic proportions. From the economy to foreign policy, the President-elect will be knee deep in mess. I'm talking the kind of mess that invokes memories of Cedric The Entertainers' Presidential Stress Response of "just tell 'em I ain't home."

Fact: By all indicators we are already immersed in a recession. Then again, who needs an indicator. How's your raise? Your mortgage? Your credit card debt? Your tax bill? Are you oversleeping or can't quite sleep through the night?

Fact: There is no quick fix to the war. The only silver lining? Buy some Halliburton stock. Then again, you might do well to just say no to this blood money.

These facts, coupled with America's pattern of assassinating African-American leaders, form the basis for my Obama dilemma. Why would I want my candidate to inherit this mess? Six months into the new Presidency, the American public will forget who created the mess. I honestly don't want the Nation's first African-American President to be crushed under the weight of the Bush administration. I acknowledge and accept that African-Americans must often do more with less, and have historically made the best of bad situations. But Damn! This is about as bad as it gets. So you see, this cannot be your time, Mr. Obama. I felt strongly about my position - that is - until I heard your Iowa victory speech...

"They said this day would never come..."

Now that alone was enough to capture my full attention. But his message was bigger than the civil rights movement. He then followed with...

"This is the day America remembered what it means to HOPE."

On that victorious evening in Iowa, Barack Obama stopped being too young or too inexperienced. His youthful outlook and lack of time inside the political machine will be invaluable assets. I vowed that I would combat any fears about his safety with prayer. Most of all, my support wouldn't be based simply on the color of his skin. He's my next President because he is the best candidate for the journey that lies ahead. As my good friend, Dr. Dickerson, would say "he came into this world fully prepared for this journey."

In the words of the late Martin L. King, Jr., "there are some difficult days ahead." Indeed America must reap the bitter harvest sown from the Bush administration's seeds of arrogance and blatant disregard for humanity. The bible teaches us that in everything there is a season. I believe the 2008 Presidential election challenges us to pick the candidate best suited for the coming season.

There is a time for a politician. There is a time for a war hero. There is a time for a diplomat and a time for a shrewd tactician. But, today... today is not that season.

This is the season of Hope. This is the season of change. We need a leader who can inspire the light within us, even as the foreboding shadows close in all around us. This is the season that they said would never come. I'll never understand why the naysayers doubted its arrival. Then again, the messenger was just some wet behind the ears, 34-year old minister talkin' bout "I Have a Dream." What would he know... right? Right!

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day from That Johnson Boy!

See What Had Happened Was....

2008-01-18T19:49:00.000-05:00

The aftermath of the end of a serious romantic relationship is always difficult to navigate at best. From publicizing the break-up to others, to dealing with the surprise and condolences offered as the word gets around, to deciding when one is at a point that dating again makes sense, there is nothing easy about this predicament.

In the worst-case scenarios, one or both parties can't seem to stay out of each other's lives which only adds to how problematic managing this time in one's life can be. In my case, when I say goodbye to a romantic liaison, I say SO LONG, FAREWELL, AUF WIEDERSEHEN, GOODBYE! I typically am not the type to continue the "friendship" or meet for lunch or any of those types of things (with the exception of one case). I'm not sure why this is unless it is that though I have typically been the one to ultimately fire the bullet that put the injured horse [that was the relationship by that point] out of its misery, I was almost NEVER the one who actually wanted the relationship to end. By forcing me to end something I still wanted to flourish, many of my ex'es wrote themselves off my radar screen, just like that.

I have found that in my own dealings with the opposite sex, even when they want out of the relationship, the men in my life have been unable to simply END IT. I call it the "Good Guy Syndrome"; none of them wanted to be the bad guy, the one who ended it. Even so, most of them found no issues with coming out of the bag on me in ways that left me no choice but to call it quits; effectively avoiding being the one to break it off a.k.a. the bad guy. Nevermind that the shit they did to piss me off enough to let go was worse than simply ending it could ever have been. Yeah, as I think back now, I can not recall even one relationship that was terminated by the man with whom I was involved stepping forward and simply saying "I no longer want to be in this relationship." or any other words to that effect; not even when that was exactly what he wanted.

Anyway, I digress...
What I came here to toss around today is the idea of how long is long enough for someone [man or woman] to get over the emotional trauma caused by the break-up of a serious relationship and start dating again? AND, is it ALWAYS necessary that the individual in question take that time?

As you heard in the audio introduction to this post, one of my ex'es suggested to me a few weeks ago that I had not given myself enough time to get over the PO before considering the option of dating again. My impulse upon hearing his opinion was to tell him to "Kiss My Black Ass", but he might have been pleased by that suggestion so I opted to just get off the phone. LOL.

That was almost 3 weeks ago, but today as I sit isolated in the house with an ear infection and some really funky stuff happening with my throat as evidenced by that extremely "sexy" voice recording I left :), I got to thinking about what he'd said. I found myself wondering whether he might be right on any level or was he just being a typical hater and doing what haters do best:

HATERS HATE.

As I rolled this question over my brain cells until they were well saturated with the issue these thoughts started to take shape.

1. I suppose it could be said that there is a period of time necessary to "mourn" the death of a relationship that at one time was the primary focus in one's life.

-However, it is my opinion that only I can decide for me how long that time period needs to be. For some external force to try to dictate for me how long I should wait when that individual has no real clue of whether or not I am ready to move on, stay still, or heaven forbid even go back and re-visit what I just left behind is absolutely ridiculous.
-Furthermore, I personally don't feel that every break-up even requires a mourning period at all. I know that in some situations what is being left behind was so worthless, meaningless, and shallow that getting out of it is in many ways a relief or cause celebre'! When this is the case, the individuals leaving this train-wreck behind may be ready to become involved [maybe even seriously] immediately thereafter.

2. It seems that most people believe that it is necessary to have a significant "break" from dating following a serious break-up.

-Perhaps, but here's the thing...
I believe in carpe diem....seizing the day, though I don't believe in one single "soul mate" for each of us because I think GOD loves me much too much to make finding happiness so unlikely considering the size of the planet and the sheer numbers of people on it [but this is a post for another day huh-LOL]. Anyway, carpe diem applies in my book no matter what is going on. So imagine a situation where you have recently ended a serious relationship that was everything but good for you. Shortly thereafter, you meet someone who possesses all of the traits you value in a significant other and who wants to be good for you and to you but because of the proximity of meeting him/her to the end of your last relationship you decide that you cannot investigate what could potentially be exactly what you have been dreaming of all along. I say "To hell with that nonsense!" In my opinion, meeting someone who has the potential to make you happy and letting him/her go by because you took longer than you should have to figure out the last person you were with was not good for you is just compounding your mistake. I've said this before, but it warrants repeating again here:

Letting a person who might be capable of making you happy go by without taking the time to investigate is tantamount to being given the POWERBALL numbers the day before they are picked and deciding to wait to play them next week.

People the thing to understand is that sometimes TIMING IS EVERYTHING! So understanding that sometimes a break from dating is needed, I still say no matter what, don't forget to seize the day!!!

3. Rushing too soon into dating again or another relationship means you are on the "rebound".

-Maybe, maybe not. It is that simple. The key is to make sure that whatever you went through that led to the break-up has been as fully resolved as possible. The fallacy in waiting for "total resolution" of previous issues is that most of us never completely resolve the issues with which we are confronted. Sometimes we don't even know what the issue was that led to the demise of the relationship because we were blind-sided by a partner who seemed to do an about-face for no clear and apparent reason. In those cases, I believe the best we can possibly hope for is that we are able to accept the end of the relationship and take the fact that we don't truly understand the how or the why in stride. I have known people who when faced with this situation have spent unimagineable amounts of time just trying to figure it out. Sometimes, (and please understand that this is only sometimes) the thing to understand is that sometimes you don't get to understand much if anything and sooner or later it is time to just move on. Time is not promised and as such should never be wasted.

-The other point to keep in mind here is that you should never feel you have to explain or justify to anyone other than yourself your readiness to step back into dating. I have heard so many people explaining all that they have done to "get their heads together" or why it is "not too soon to be dating again"; when in actuality those things are no one else's business but their own! In my opinion, it is not for me or anyone else to question another's readiness to "get back on the horse" so to speak. So to those of you who find yourself explaining AND those who find yourselves criticizing....STOP!

So if you haven't figured it out yet, my perspective is what it always is...DO YOU! Whatever that is; and you can best be assured that I'm gonna DO ME!

Don't forget, I want to know what you think, what your typical death of a relationship mourning time period is, and when you decide to get back in the game how you go about it....ease in, jump in with two feet and sink up to your neck, or dive in head first and let it flow!

Why I LOVE, Love, love BLOGGING!

2008-01-16T06:03:00.000-05:00

Today, while strolling down Ladylee's street, I bumped into an old friend! I can't even tell you how happy I was to see her again; and though I've never actually met her in person nor have I ever actually heard her speaking voice, believe me when I say I could not have been more happy to see her there if we had grown up right next door to each other! Bumping into Chele over on Ladylee's street like that made me realize how much I LOVE, Love, love blogging and what it brings to my life.

Over at Ladylee's, in the last week I have empathized with her over the relationship that she and her father have failed to enjoy to this point in their lives, learned a lil' sumthin' sumthin' about being more dedicated to my writing endeavors, and just had a plain old good time with her and her peeps!

I went from Ladylee's place over to the new space Chele now occupies. There I found that I could indeed hear her TRUE VOICE once again and I realized with glee that the more things stay the same the more they seem to change and I was sooooooooooooo glad.

After I left Chele's, I decided to stop by Diva's and found her there loving her some Scribe as always! The Diva has decided to accept a very worthwhile challenge, one that challenges her to encourage her husband every day and to pray for him with his knowledge every single day. "What a worthwhile and noble thing to do!", is what I found myself thinking. I was impressed if not surprised knowing how very much the Diva and Scribe love each other and cherish their marriage. Not married myself nor involved in a serious relationship currently, I quickly copied the link to this page on her blog to send to my BFF in the hopes that she would choose to follow the Diva's lead and pray for her own husband.

Traveling by blog helps me to get a more clear picture of what good looks like when it comes to really significant other material. From the stories the Diva shares about Scribe to the amazing discovery that REAL MEN DO TALK AND THEY CAN WRITE (will wonders never cease) that hanging out with brothers like That Johnson Boy, Luke Cage, and James Manning elucidated, I believe that I have been more capably equipped to choose better for myself in the future.

Stopping by the ATL over the last couple of days, I found Fergie (whose smile was a gift from the beautiful pair of eyes in the collage above) and Nikki at the Infinite Ink (hands down the best photographer around....check out her gallery) both slightly disgruntled over differing issues. Fergie took issue as do I with this whole idea of cloned animals being used to perpetuate the food supply in America with no mandates for identifying the food products as having been derived from cloned animals. Nikki on the other hand was commenting on the increasing practice of overlaying Dr. Martin Luther King's speeches (and our heritage) over popular music a practice which in my opinion in some situations diminishes the importance of these speeches and desensitizes many to Dr. King's tremendous contributions to society.

From the ATL I went to Charlotte for some Serenity and then took a quick jaunt up to see Safa where tranquility and peace always await me.

In their own unique way, each of the bloggers or their representatives pictured above as well as scores of others who have not been displayed or mentioned here today broaden my horizons over and beyond any geography I would ever be able to travel even if someday I were to win the POWERBALL. From each of the bloggers I read, I find I take away something of value. In some cases it is a thought I never had before, an idea I might never have gotten around to conceptualizing, or a joke that brings a smile to my face I might otherwise have missed experiencing. In other cases, I have been helped to face difficult situations in my own life, I have been given the insight to better understand myself and others, and I have been given the gift of helping someone else to better understand themselves. In all cases, I feel like after a very short while passes with me making regular visits, I am received like I am a long-lost and cherished relative who is happily being welcomed home again! That my friends is love and as most of you know and Luther Vandross and Gregory Hines sang (bless their dear departed hearts),

There's Nothing Better Than Love!

So, this post is a tribute to all of you bloggers who have contributed to my life's happiness in ways most of you will never truly know. I want you ALL to know whether you are mentioned by name or not and whether or not there was an available image of you I could steal from your blog (ROSE and DP!) or not, you are all family to me. I will be forever indebted to each and every one of you for all that you have brought to my life and all that you continue to bring each day. By some miracle, you all always seem to be here blogging away about whatever it is I need to read, learn, know....just when I need to read, learn, or know it....

AND THAT IS WHY I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE BLOGGING!

Theme Music....

2008-01-14T23:21:00.000-05:00

Music is so important. I am blessed to have music in my head. This "theme music" as I tend to think of it is one of the things that keeps me sane.

I can't sing a note, not with a gun to my head and my life on the line; but that's okay. Why is that okay you ask? That's okay because I don't need to be able to sing because I am blessed to have Jill Scott singing my own personal theme song "Living My Life Like Its Golden" in my head anytime I find myself needing that little extra push to accomplish some goal I have set for myself.

Yeah, my girl Jill follows me any and everywhere and sings her heart out on my behalf because she knows that she helps me to be the best me I can possibly be. Jill knows that by constantly reminding me that my life is golden, I will do all in my power to live the shiniest golden life I can possibly live.

No doubt, I appreciate Jill and all she does for me and I will be forever grateful to her for it. But lately....

Two other musical geniuses have been horning in on Jill's turf.

One is Cassandra Wilson and the other is Me'shell N'degeocello.

Though Jill is without question my girl and definitely has the market cornered when it comes to providing my overall life's theme music, these other two sistas have carved out a theme music provider niche all their own. I find that whenever I start to hear two songs performed by these particular sistas in my head, things on the romantic front are bound to take a turn for the better very soon thereafter!

Since I first saw what has perhaps become my all-time favorite romantic movie LOVE JONES, for which these two phenomenal artists performed the songs in question You Move Me and Rush Over respectively on the soundtrack, these songs have become what I consider to be my romantic theme music. Now as it happens, I find that if I hear these two songs consistently at unexpected times and not as a result of my having taken any action resulting in my hearing these songs, shortly thereafter I seem to become involved in a new romance. As neither of these songs were mainstream radio songs, hearing them multiple times means something to me. Call me superstitious if you want, but all I have to say is that this has been my experience and recently I've been hearing my romantic theme music again and all I can say is play on, play on!!!

P.S. - In the event that you are right and I am wrong and all of this is just wishful thinking so to speak, the silver lining is this:

These are two bad azz songs so even if they don't herald a new romance for a sista, at least I get to feel the jubilance that comes with anticipating something wonderful happening to me AND even if the romance doesn't show up, I once again get to hear two of the sexiest and most poetic songs ever to be recorded so I STILL WIN!!!!

YOU MOVE ME by Cassandra Wilson

Rememberin' moments, so precious and real

The thought of you, kissing me there

You know my secrets

You know the curve and the line

One touch, and I know you are mine

Rain falls down on me I can hardly see,

for the water in my eyes

Love comes down on me I can hardly breathe,

for the trembling in my thighs

You move me

RUSH OVER by Me'shell N'degeocello

your music is so very beautiful

i want to feel you creep inside me

the warmth of a Kiss beneath my berry skin

i want to experience the taste of dark berry nectar the seed of life heaven everlasting

the phone just won't suffice no more

my imagination is filled and my cup runneth over

if you feel the same for me

yeah the way i feel for you

i'll rush over

mmm

there's no need no to be alone

mmm

my want for you is rushing over

patiently i wait for an invitation

i often try to imagine picture you

for you're no more than a voice on my telephone

that i find myself rushing home to

your voice makes me wanna do things i'm much too shy to say

you leave me to question

if you feel the same for me

yeah

the way i feel for you

i'll rush over

tell me there's no reason to be alone

my want for you is rushing over

won't you play for me?

if you feel the same for me

the way i feel for you

i'll rush over

there's no reason to be alone

my want for you is rushing over

my sweet marcus won't you play for me?

i'm rushing over.

What songs make up your personal theme music?

Do I Know You???

2008-01-11T23:58:00.000-05:00

There is a curly-head LURKER out there who has been waiting for this post for many days now so I hope it is all that she hoped it would be!!!! YOU know who you are LURKER!

You see, the LURKER was the inspiration behind this post. I have known her since she was a young girl still in high school and though almost 20 years separate us in age, she is one of my dearest friends and as close to having a daughter as I am ever likely to come it seems. Even so, it occurred to me that I might very well be her best friend. This struck me as somewhat odd considering the difference in our ages, and I found myself wondering if I was right or not regarding the role I play in her life and this thought led me to an even bigger thought....as well as I believe I know her, maybe I really don't know her at all.

I was thrown into a bit of a tizzy as I thought this thought. I realized that even though I've always felt that she and I were extremely close and in some ways we are, suddenly it became clear to me that there are some definite GAPS in what I know about her. Now I know many of you are thinking, "There goes Ms. Just Write Now losing her mind 'cause she ain't all up in somebody's bizness." Though I will admit to a bit of nosiness, I assure you all that that is not the case in this situation. As I thought about my sister/daughter/friend I was astonished to realize that since she graduated college and moved to DC, I know very little about her new life. For instance, I don't know who her friends are and I always knew before. I don't know even who her BEST FRIEND is and considering the nature of our relationship, I find this unacceptable.

She and I spoke last week about this and other things that I no longer know about her, and she too was a bit taken aback to realize how much our relationship and the way we interact has changed. At one point, if she had decided to run away from home, I would have been the person who could have told you why she left, where she would go, and to whom she would turn for assistance. I was shocked to realize at this point that I MIGHT be able to give a motive but might be hard-pressed to do that even.

As I thought about this as it relates to others with whom I have significant relationships, I realized that in just about every case, there are HUGE gaps in how well I know people I love. Therefore, I have resolved this year to really and truly strive to know better those I care about. I will make the effort to become a real part of their lives. I will include them more deeply in my life. I will learn their truest self and share parts of my true self that they might not know exist. Above all else, I will no longer be content with the superficiality that I have allowed to define my relationships.

For some this will be a welcome change. For others it may feel like an invasion of privacy! For me, it will move me one step closer to being the person I want to be: One who is truly engaged and actively participating FULLY in the blessing of life!

THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS!

It Could Happen....

2008-01-11T02:36:00.000-05:00

My mother is known throughout my family as quite the little computer geek! Once several years ago, she took a correspondence course in order to learn the basics of "computing". The really interesting thing about this is that she enrolled in this class before she ever had a computer . It was the funniest thing to watch because since she did not have a computer, she drew out a keyboard on a piece of cardboard and would practice "typing" on this contraption.

It is years later, and though she is one of the most talented individuals I know when it comes to finding her way around a computer, she still takes half an hour to type the word "Hi" so instant messaging with her is not instant to say the least ;).

Anyway, none of that is the point of this post. In her computer "geekiness", my mother often spends time just surfing the www. Recently, she has developed an affinity for checking the state lost and found sites just in case she has some "unclaimed property". Now I did not even know that the state had a loss and found, but my brilliant, geeky mother figured it out.

During one of her recent searches of the site, she plugged in the names of each of her children and what do you know.....Ms. Just Write Now popped up with not one, but two claims for unclaimed property. Unbeknownst to me, I have had some type of property sitting in the state's lost and found for several years. Quickly my mother notified me of said property and I undertook the necessary steps to claim what was mine! Those steps included signing separate claim forms for each claim, attaching copies of my driver's license and social security card, and in the case of one of the claims which is valued minimally at over $50 I had to have my signature notarized. Once all of this had been done, I sent the documentation on its merry way and am now waiting excitedly to discover what these mysterious and unexpected "gifts" could be.

It may take many weeks before my claims are processed and the property that belongs to me is returned. So to pass the time, I have decided to add a section to this blog which will be updated regularly with my fantasies about what the mystery property might turn out to be. I see this as an opportunity to let my hopes get as high as they can because anything is more than what I currently have and until the actual property arrives, I may as well enjoy my dreams and afterall, don't they say "The sky's the limit"!!!!

Make my weekend, and drop a comment with your wish for what this mystery gift might bestow upon me.....

In a world of faith and high hopes,

ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN!

FROM DICTATORSHIP TO DEMOCRACY.....

2008-01-09T19:24:00.000-05:00

January 1990:

The baby pictured here was barely 2 months old and had no need to partake of the democratic process as he had his own personal dictatorship in which he was THE LITTLE DICTATOR.

If he wanted something, there was no need for him to cast a vote as his loyal subject (a.k.a. Mommee! as he would soon come to call her) would jump through whatever little hoop he decided to twirl.

January 2008:

THE LITTLE DICTATOR is all grown up and at the ripe old age of 18 he is now officially a participant in the democratic process as he completed his very first voter registration process today and will subsequently be eligible to cast his very first ballot in next month's presidential preference primary to be held in Missouri on February 5th.

At least four times over the last 18 years THE LITTLE DICTATOR was taken by Mommee! to the local polling place where he was allowed to enter the voting booth with her and punch his Mommee's! ballot. This ensured that THE LITTLE DICTATOR would know exactly what to do when his own turn to exercise his GOD-given and hard-earned right to be a part of the decision-making process sanctioned by the United States Constitution finally came.

Additionally, on the day that THE LITTLE DICTATOR turned 18 back in November 2007, he exited his high school building to find a birthday cake left by his Mommee! on the hood of his car with the following caption:

Happy 18th Birthday Ryan!

Love Mommee!

Don't Forget to Vote!!!

(Don't hate.....you gotta take every available opportunity to educate the leaders of the future!)

In the two months since THE LITTLE DICTATOR came of age, he and his Mommee! have had many conversations about the various candidates with his Mommee! encouraging him to use this wonderful invention known as the world wide web to learn as much as he can about ALL of the candidates. THE LITTLE DICTATOR has been encouraged to consider the candidates based on their position on the issues that are most relevant to him (i.e. Iraq war, financing of secondary education, etc.). THE LITTLE DICTATOR has been cautioned against voting based on party affiliation, what he thinks his Mommee! will vote, race vs. experience, or anything else other than what his own brain and gut tell him to vote.

So today THE LITTLE DICTATOR officially became part of the voting public of the United States of America. He knows this right is one that was bestowed upon him by GOD and accessed for him by thousands who sat down, marched, stood up, and in many cases died for him to be able to exercise it. With all of that education behind him, I truly believe my work...Mommee's! work here is done! ;)

ROCK THE VOTE Y'ALL!!!

What Goes Around Comes Around....

2008-01-08T22:10:00.000-05:00

Does this conversation sound familiar to you?

Please don't come around Talkin bout how you've changed,
How you've said goodbye to what's-her-name,
All it sounds like to me is new game.

And I was right when I thought I'd be much better off without you,
Had to get myself around you,
Cuz my life was all about you.

So you say you wanna talk, I don't,
Say you wanna change, I won't,
Yeah it's like that, you had your chance
Won't take you back, now what,
What you think about that?

And when I say I'm through, I'm through,
Basically I'm through with you,
What you wanna say?
Had to have it your way, had to play games
Now you're begging me to stay.

(Chorus)
There you go, looking pitiful,
Just because I let you go,
There you go, talkin bout you want me back
But sometimes it be's like that,
There you go, talkin bout you miss me so
That ya love me so why, let you go?
Yeah you know, cuz your lies got old,
Now look at you, there you go.

Don't you wish you could turn the hands of time?
Don't you wish that you still were mine?
Don't you wish I'd take you back?
Don't you wish that things were simple like that?
Oh, Didn't miss a good thing till it's gone,
But I knew it wouldn't be long,
Till you came running back,
Missing my love, there you go!

If not, and if you've ever been left wondering "What went wrong? What did I do wrong?" or anything else of this nature, I hope that one day you will get to deliver this or a very similar conversation. I DID!!!

Have any of you ever had a "THERE YOU GO" moment? If so, click on comments below and tell us all how it made you feel.

Tell it like it T-I-S Pink!!!!

There you go - Pink

Posted Nov 07, 2006

You Want A Piece Of Me (Part 2)?

2008-01-05T21:20:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, my brother Dee and I had the honor of meeting Everson Walls (pictured above with us) the former four time all-Pro Dallas Cowboys football player who recently acquired national level media attention for yet another albeit different display of how spectacular he really is.

Mr. Walls made headlines almost a year ago when he donated his kidney to friend and former Dallas Cowboys teammate Ron Springs in a transplant surgery which was similar to the one my brother and I were preparing to undergo in July 2006 when I wrote this post from which the title of today's post was spun off. Mr. Walls was in St. Louis in support of legislation being introduced in Washington D.C. by Missouri Congressman William Lacy Clay (pictured below with me and Dee). At the request of the transplant department at Barnes-Jewish Christian Hospital where Dee and I underwent our surgeries a year and a half ago, my brother and I participated in a luncheon and press conference to introduce this legislation where we and seven other families shared our own transplant stories.

Many of you who have followed this blog have commented on how impressed you were by our story. I now feel the type of awe many of you bestowed upon us after hearing some of the stories of the other families in attendance.

There was the mother of four who told of having her then 2 year old son suffer complete and sudden liver failure as a consequence of being given an over-the-counter medication to treat a simple cold. This otherwise healthy two year old was suddenly critically ill and required a liver transplant in order to live. Imagine the flood of emotion we all felt as this mother introduced us all to an obviously healthy 9 year old, rubbing his head and telling us that "her baby" as she referred her son much to his chagrin had received a successful liver transplant and was still thriving and growing strong 7 years later!

On the flip side of the equation, one of the most emotional moments of the entire event occurred as a well-dressed African-American gentleman stood to tell his story. He told of a day when his 9 year old daughter Jasmine, better known as Jazzy suffered a tragic asthma attack from which she did not recover. He shared that the spirit and character that defined his daughter dictated that her parents make the crucial decision of donating her organs and eligible body tissues for transplantation. I believe the Bible alerts us that "a child shall lead them". What an amazing way to create beauty from the most tragic event that could ever possibly present itself to any parents. From their generous gift, 40-50 patients were able to receive life-saving organ and tissue transplants that have enabled them to lead healthy and productive lives.

I cried as this story was shared, and after the press conference ended, I made a point to meet these beautiful people personally to share with them how brilliantly beautiful I felt they made the tragedy of their daughter's death. I asked them how long ago their daughter had passed and was shocked to discover that this angel's death occurred on September 3, 2007. I was even more winded upon discovering how recent her passing had been because in their shoes, I don't imagine I would be able to leave my house at this point and here they were doing everything they could to raise awareness around organ donation after all they had just been through.

My brother and I will be working together with this beautiful family in the future to increase awareness amongst African-Americans regarding registration for organ donation after death as well as living donation such as the kidney transplant my brother and I underwent. We plan to focus on the Black churches in the St. Louis and metro-east Illinois areas.

The final story I will share comes with a prayer request. Another African-American father shared the plight of his 15 year old daughter Brittany. I had the absolute privilege of meeting this beautiful, young sister who was afflicted with leukemia as an eighteen month old child. With her family's support and great medical care, Brittany survived her cancer and is now in remission from her condition. However, the stress of the disease has weakened her heart and though currently cancer free, she now awaits a heart for transplantation. In less than a week, she is scheduled to be connected to an L-VAD as her heart and lungs are weak. This will require Brittany to be hospitalized. With tears in his eyes as he talked about "his Princess", Brittany's father vowed to take care of his daughter even if it meant transporting her entire bedroom to the hospital so she could feel more at home. The prayer request is specifically for Brittany to be blessed with a heart in time to save her life and enable her to enjoy her teen years to the fullest.

In order for this prayer to be answered, some one will have to die.

As horrible as that last statement sounds, the fact of the matter is that every minute of every day, someone somewhere will die. At some point in time, each and every one of us will ultimately die. Since this is an irrefutable fact, the part of me that always searches for the silver lining in every cloud can see an obvious way that each of us can create beauty from our own deaths....by registering to become an organ and/or tissue donor. In my opinion, to die and not leave the precious gift of life to someone like Brittany who so deserves her chance is to squander perhaps the greatest opportunity any one of us has to be the kind of person most of us aspire to be....one who is willing to help another.

There are so many myths and URBAN LEGENDS in the African-American community that are used to justify why more of us don't donate our organs following death. Myths like [GOD not welcoming us back without all the parts HE sent us here with] or [the hospital allowing individuals who could have been saved to die so they can harvest the organs for transplant if indeed it is discovered that the person has registered to donate his/her organs]. These reasons for why many of us hesitate to give the greatest gift anyone could possibly give don't hold water. If it would displease GOD for us to return to HIS KINGDOM without everything HE sent us here with, then most of us (men included) had better start gathering all of the hair we have cut or shaved off over the course of our lifetimes and those of you who have required appendectomies or tonsillectomies, I hope you hung onto the organ so you can get into the KINGDOM when the time comes. Let me assure you that the process of harvesting organs and tissues for transplant is one that is tightly regulated by state and federal law and as such in the litigious society in which we live, there is no risk of a health care provider allowing someone whose life could be saved to expire in order to procure their organs or tissue.

If the goal of faith in GOD is to become more like HIM, what better way than to be one who plays a role in giving life. I think most of us would agree that the power to give the gift of life is GOD's greatest power. Organ donation in a small way, allows each of us to be more like GOD. Many of us ask ourselves on a daily basis "What would Jesus do?", you know what I'm talking about...WWJD? Without attempting to speak for Jesus, I would venture that if HE could save a life by organ donation, that is EXACTLY what Jesus would do.

The only hope that Brittany and many others like her have of survival is to receive an organ transplant. However, the fact that she is African-American decreases her chances of a suitable match significantly because the pool of African-American registered donors is very small. Additionally, the fact that diseases such as hypertension and diabetes are so rampant in the Black community means that the pool of available donor candidates is diminished even more. This makes Brittany's situation critical. Though compatible matches can be found for Black recipients amongst donors of different races, the odds of finding a match are increased amongst those of the same race. Registering to become an organ donor in the event of death is very simple. In most states, an individual can complete the donor information on the back of their driver's license. In Missouri, registration can be completed at this website. It is also important to make your family aware of your wish to be an organ/tissue donor in the event of your death. Living organ/tissue donation is as simple as contacting your local transplant center and letting them know you are willing to be typed and tested as a potential donor for either someone you know or a stranger who will never forget you.

One of the things that Everson Walls said as he shared the story of his experience as a donor was that one of the reasons he felt compelled to donate his kidney was because he and his family have been blessed with health because unlike many Black families in our communities, diabetes and kidney disease does not run in his family. He felt that he had no choice but to share his blessing of health with his friend. I felt the same way when I made my decision to donate my kidney to my brother. Blessings are meant to be shared and to be appreciated.

Wouldn't you love to give the gift of good health or the ultimate gift, the gift of life by considering living organ/tissue donation or registering to be an organ donor in the event of your death?

There is NO GREATER GIFT one can give!

Oh, by the way....

Tomorrow, January 6th is my brother Dee's 48th birthday! Though I have no way of knowing if he would be here to celebrate it or not had we not undergone organ transplantation, I DO KNOW that the fact that we did certainly gave him an increased chance that he would be here tomorrow to read these words

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG BROTHER!

I LOVE YOU!!!

Message in a Bottle

2008-01-03T14:16:00.000-05:00

Have you ever felt a connection to someone in the world that you didn't even know? Not in the six degrees of separation way, but in a more specifically direct way than that.

Recently, I have had that experience and if I lived close to an ocean, I could imagine myself putting a message in a bottle and throwing it into the ocean as I hoped fate would facilitate its delivery to that individual. Since I don't live near an ocean, I will allow this wonderful invention called the internet and the amazing world of blog to assist me as I try to get my "message in a bottle" to its intended recipient.

As a consequence of having been involved with one person, I have been connected in some strange way to a person I don't know and will most likely never even meet. Though I am sure this happens all the time and in many instances can be a happy occurrence, in this particular situation that is not the case. She and I are connected by the same web of pain. As you all know by now, though I have moved past the pain of which I speak, she is experiencing the full force of it at this point in time. I don't know her. I will probably never know her. I want her to know that I feel her pain. I want her to know that she is not alone. I want her to know that I understand how disappointing this entire situation probably is for her as I too felt the warmth of this particular sun and the bone-crushing chill of discovering that this sun was not a true sun but something dark and cold and in many ways devoid of any true warmth.

I want her to know that though it may not feel like it today, this too shall pass.

The world in which we live can sometimes be a lonely place even if like me you are surrounded by the love of many. Even so, sometimes the only comfort we can find for ourselves comes from a place we never expected. If I can provide that comfort to her at this point no matter what she decides to do as she moves forward, I am happy to do it.

So to you, the one to whom I have been so unexpectedly connected by circumstance I say please remember who you are and of what you are made. Remember that you still are and have always been a child of GOD and he is still watching over you as he always has. Remember that the decisions you made for yourself were made in the absence of access to all of the information you were entitled to have. Remember that you acted in good faith and that is the best any of us can hope to do. Remember all of the things you have survived to get this far and know that you will survive this as well and be stronger for it. Whatever you choose to do from this point forward, remember that the choice is yours and yours alone and please make it for yourself. Finally, remember that at least one other person has felt some of what you may be feeling right now and she is still who she has always been

Ms. Just Right Now!

2007....The Year In Review

2008-01-01T22:04:00.000-05:00

Tuesday, January 1st, 2008!

WOW! Just like that, another year gone. Realizing it has been quite some time since I've been heard from around these parts, I doubt if anyone besides me will ever read any of what I write today. That doesn't matter though as I feel the absolute need to re-cap what has been a critically life-changing year in my life so that I can re-visit it in the future just to reinforce how very far I have travelled from where the year 2007 took me.

Without question, I don't ever recall having lived through a year that was quite like the year 2007 turned out to be for me. Though most people in my shoes would say that 2007 was a "bad year", I happen to believe that any year in which I am blessed to inhale and exhale qualifies as a good year. The picture at the beginning of this post is one of me presenting my Grandmother the "Mother of the Millenium" award on behalf of my family. I chose to use this particular picture on this post because I feel that I too deserve an award for having navigated all the trials that came into my life with 2007 without losing the me that I love for long.

The year began as one of the happiest I have ever known as I was happily in love with the person with whom I believed I would spend the rest of my life. It seems impossible now that I ever believed him to be "THE ONE" as he turned out to be everything BUT what he represented himself to be. Unfortunately, the unraveling of this relationship defined much of 2007 for me and thus the year will always be remembered as one of the most pain-filled years I've ever lived through. I had my only true experience with betrayal, and it was like nothing I've ever experienced. Though I have typically been involved in long-term, deeply emotional relationships, no other break-up ever took me out of my game like this one did; and for the first time in my life, I felt that I would have been better off never having known the person with whom I was involved. Following a couple attempts to make things work out and to convince my "other half" to try being honest with everyone involved (himself included), I finally came to the realization that I was not dealing with a person who had any personal integrity nor sense of responsibility for anyone else's feelings other than his own. After a great deal of soul searching, I took the necessary steps to end the situation; it came down to saving the relationship or saving my sanity as I found myself faltering for the first time ever at everything including being the best mother I could be to my son and excelling at work.

The deepest depression I've ever experienced followed, making me question myself at every turn. I could not understand how I could have so severely misjudged the character of someone I had known and loved for so terribly long...more than 20 years. Even worse, for a time I didn't feel that I knew who I was. Never before, and hopefully never again if I am as blessed as I have always believed myself to be, will I ever allow any outside influence to make me feel the way this person left me feeling about myself. Described virtually since birth as a person with the highest possible level of intrinsic self-esteem and mountainous self confidence, I didn't trust myself to decide what I wanted to eat for dinner. Thankfully, I was never alone as GOD as HE always does, was standing guard over me.

Looking back at some of the posts I wrote on this blog during my lowest points, I am amazed by the depths of what I was feeling. However, as always GOD sent his ANGELS to pull me through. Angels named Ryan, Angie, Ladylee, DJ Diva, Jackie, Mama and a host of others rescued me. Some of my angels were aware of what they were doing, while others without knowing it were being sent to help me get through, over, or around obstacles they might not even have known existed.

Though I stopped writing here after awhile because I was worrying the people who love me and read this blog more than I was helping myself, I began a new blog for Ryan's football team which turned out to be just the ticket. I threw myself into my son's football season and found that what always holds true held true; focusing on something other than myself and what I was going through made all the difference.

I have said it before and I'll repeat it here.....the best gift I have ever been given, is the gift of my son Ryan. He will never know how many times he and he alone has saved my life! I worked with a group of senior football moms to coordinate the support activities for the Varsity football team this season. I had the time of my life as my son's team went 6-4 which though not as exciting for some as last year when they went all the way to the state championship game, was a blast for the team as well as me. I worked with students at the school to increase the school spirit around the football team and with the help of the student body, helped to lift team morale when the team was faced with a three game losing streak after winning the first game of the season against a perennial state powerhouse. With our help, the team fought back and pulled themselves out of a slump that might have killed the will of a lesser team. My memories of my son's last season of high school football are something that I will cherish forever. I know this precious time in my son's life has made the wonderful bond my son and I have always shared even stronger, as I became a major part of his football experience.

The last two months of the year have restored me to more than my former self. As they say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger....". I have a refreshed outlook on my life. I once again feel the joy of the blessings that have always been bestowed upon me; even during those times that I felt I had nothing good going for myself.

I have even decided to go back to sporting my natural hair instead of continuing to perm and process it with the multitude of chemicals I have used over the years up to now. Perm-free since September first 2006, I have finally gotten to the point that all of the relaxed hair has grown out and/or been cut from my head. As my mother began with the "press and curls" when I was 5 or 6 years old and moved on to perms around the time I was twelve, I like most black women in America have no true recollection of what it was like to care for my OWN natural hair texture. I have been pleasantly suprised by how much I find myself revelling in my own natural hair textures (of which my head has about four). I plan to continue to care for it without the aid of the harsh chemicals that I believe have caused it to become thin and unhealthy. Other than that, my plan is to allow it to

(Sharon's natural hair....January 1, 2008)

"do what it do"!

I am definitely stronger and more importantly, I am grateful. I am grateful that even in the face of losing that which I most desired, I learned that I am NEVER alone and that I will always have the blessing of those who truly love me to pull me through whatever hardships I am asked to face. I am grateful that the joy for life and the sheer happiness I have always felt as I awaited whatever is next for me has returned even though there was a time when I never thought it would. Most of all, I am grateful that in HIS infinite wisdom, GOD chose me who was strong enough to come through this year instead of someone else who was not. I would not wish what I experienced on my worst enemy, but I feel a sense of pride and accomplishment in myself for having found my way to the other side of it all.

Like all years do, 2007 has quickly evaporated, and with it I have sent all of the bad feelings I experienced while it was here. I am excited and hopeful as 2008 shows me its beautiful face and all of the wonderful adventures it has in store for me. No matter what happens, the silver lining is (and of course there's always a silver lining ;) that if I didn't know it before I know for certain now that

I AM ONE PHENOMENAL WOMAN!!!

(Sharon on New Years Eve December 31st, 2007 ready to ring in 2008 in style!)

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ME!

RECOVERY....

2007-10-27T23:04:00.000-04:00

Wow! I can't believe that my last post left you guys hanging like it did. I honestly didn't mean to, and when it was written, I had no idea it would be my last post for so long on this blog. There are a few explanations I could give for how it happened this way, but in reality, there are two true reasons that tell the story.

The first and most driving reason is that my "depression" was so all-encompassing that I could not think of anything to write about but the sadness and emptiness I was feeling during that time. It got to be so bad that for the first time in my life, I found that I would rather not write at all than to continue to write what in my opinion was not helping me to get better and probably only causing those who care about me to worry. So that's what I did, I didn't write; at least not here.

The other reason for my lapse here was the fact that my beloved son's senior year football season began on September first, and I created a blog for his team and found that I could write there because it took me away from focusing on the mess that was my life at the time. Writing the blog for his team definitely was therapeutic in that it kept me writing which still is as always the goal.

At this point, I can say that I feel like me again. The sadness is gone and the emptiness is being filled by all that was my life before I started down the path I took over the last year and a half. I have found ME again and my amnesia has cleared so that I have been RESTORED. NO, I am no longer the me that I was before, but don't doubt for a second that that ME is still a part of the ME that I am now and let me assure you that this ME is all that that ME was and then some (LOL!!!!).

So for all who wished me well and prayed for my self to be restored, it has been. I've missed you all and I've discovered many things in this time, but for me, the biggest lesson learned is this:

LIFE IS THE WAY THROUGH PAIN!

and

I AM STILL ALIVE!!!!

(and happy as hell to boot ;)

If I can't trust me....who can I trust?

2007-09-05T00:25:00.000-04:00

My heart is heavy y'all. It is almost 12:30am and I should be sleep because very shortly I have to be on the road for the lovely Mecca better known as Bettendorf, Iowa where Ms. Just Write Now will be working tomorrow for a colleague who is out on medical leave. This means that Ms. Just Write Now will have to be up and in her car for the four hour drive in less than six hours and what is she doing instead of sleeping? She is up writing this meaningless post because right now, Ms. Just Write Now feels anything but Just RIGHT Now.

I know that when one ends a relationship, they can expect some good days and some bad. That is not the problem. The real problem is that I have always been a person who relies on her ability to "read" people. I've always been confident in my ability to determine when someone has my best interests at heart and when they don't; subsequently enabling me to act accordingly in my dealings with that individual. So as I try to navigate my way through the emotional ups and downs of this break-up, I find myself also having to come to terms with the discovery that I may not be as good a judge of the character of others as I have always believed myself to be. This is difficult enough to handle when the person who betrays you is new in your life; however, when it comes from someone you've known, loved, and trusted for half of your life, it is a devastating blow let me tell you.

In my 42 plus years on the planet, I have managed to learn something from just about every situation I have found myself in; thereby making even the negative experiences worthwhile. I have prided myself on not allowing these "negative" experiences to embitter me. That has always been a goal of mine, to always "DO ME" regardless of what I am dealing with or receiving from others. I am trying my best to hold on to that right now, but a HUGE part of me wants to try "DOING A NEW ME", a me who would not take this in stride and who would strike back. I'm hurting pretty badly at this particular moment, and though I know it will pass [and knowing me pretty quickly], right now I need some peace or minimally to at least fantasize about returning the favor that has been bestowed upon me....

I know and love GOD and I know HE is there watching over me. I also know that GOD helps those who help themselves, and this is what I am desperately trying to do....help myself. So if anyone can answer this question without suggesting I lean on my faith or GOD's wisdom because those are a given, I would appreciate it more than I will ever be able to demonstrate:

"What do you do when you are left feeling you can't truly trust your own judgement?"

Many Have Wondered...

2007-08-31T08:19:00.000-04:00

I know I said I would not be duplicating posts on the two blogs I now maintain, and the fact that I am adding this sentence kinda makes it so that I really haven't broken that committment....okay, NOT!...but anyway....

Many have wondered exactly what it was that led to the creation of the person that is ME! Wonder no more fight fans, because right this very moment, right now today, I want to introduce to each and every one of you to the individual responsible for the me that I am. Good, bad, or indifferent, love me or hate me, you can finally meet the responsible party who has started her very own blog which you can find here!!

So please go visit my beautiful Mother's personal space, invite her to join your neighborhoods if you feel so inclined [have no worries about her being my mother....she is a REAL person, with a beautiful spirit, capable of reading, embracing, and allowing even her own daughter to have "radical thoughts" and express them without fear of "Mother Judgement"], or just give her a good old fashioned welcome into the LAND OF BLOG!